Does anyone else just feel utterly stuck in their working life?

[C4ndle]

I'm mid 40s and have worked in administration/project management for 20 years. It's not something I even remotely love but I got trapped in it and now don't know how to escape - I'd love to do something massively different, either creative like graphic design or people based like counselling. But I have young DC (10 and under) and so need to work part time (my DH is the main earner and has a job that isn't massively flexible) and so don't have the flexibility with time to study (I only have a specific day off) and also definitely don't have the spare money for the courses I would need to do.

But then I just think, is this it? Am I stuck in these kind of jobs for the next 10 - 15 years until my children are older and I have more time and spare money? By which point I'll be mid 50s/60 anyway - surely too old to retrain?

Does anyone else feel like this? Or have any ideas about ways around having no money and very limited specific time to study? I hate feeling so hopeless as I normally like to have a plan and an idea but after so many evenings of fruitless googling I just can't see any way of moving to a job that I would actually enjoy 🤦‍♀️ Any ideas (and a bit of hope!) would be really welcome.

Yep, me! I'm even older though!

Also me. I'm 50 and I'm just done with corporate life. Sadly, my bank account doesn't agree. When can I just please myself?!

How about development (charity sector)? Lots of transferable skills. Has elements of creativity and working with people.

Yep, stuck in basic PT admin job for years. But it's well paid for what it is, it's wfh and flexible for juggling school runs and colleagues are nice. But I am bored!

Oh no - whilst it's nice to feel I am not alone 🤣 I'm sorry that other people feel this too. @PurBal I might look into the charity sector (off to Google...)

Someone else wrote on here awhile ago about wanting to go into graphic design and according to others it's a really tough industry to break into.

Yep me too! Nurse for 23 years, earn okay as more senior but I’m really burnt out. I also don’t have the motivation to retrain at my age though. I’m clinging on for another couple of years until I can step back and reduce my hours and level of responsibility.

Thankfully my dses are grown and will be finished with university within 2 years.

Yep- totally stuck. Don't hate it don't love it. Have been trying to make a jump but nothing so far.

I was only thinking this evening how trapped i feel. DH and I have both juggled things around to support DS who has SEN. I have the morning shift and it means I cant do any job that starts before 10 and a few other restrictions, like no travel. I look whistfully at other jobs in more interesting sectors.

I could have written this. I feel stuck at my level, keep going for promotion but it’s so competitive and I have two young DCs and it’s just so hard to find the time to dedicate to preparing for interviews etc.

Same here. I’m 50, academic job. It’s ok but I’ve lost the passion for good I think. The job doesn’t feel interesting or important enough. I’m not averse to hard work, but I want it to feel useful. Unfortunately with 2 DC, one still at primary (just), mortgage, etc, I can’t afford to take the kind of salary hit I’d have to to start another career, even without the issue of retraining. Then a lot of things I think of as rewarding/ useful are things I physically might struggle with even a few years down the line. It’s depressing as hell.

I'm starting to get itchy feet. I'm a nanny, which I've always loved, but now that we have the COLC and money's so tight I'm stressing out about my pathetic wage. I'm getting older, 35, and aware that earning £20k a year while I have no savings, no pension, no health insurance, nothing, is setting me up for a bleak future. I'm also loathing having my little charges' parents around all the God damned time now that everyone's working from home. Too many cooks spoil the broth and I'm really struggling with them there. Unfortunately jobs here in the South-West where the parents are both out all day are rarer than hen's teeth!

I really need a proper salary now but who's going to have me, trained and experienced in nothing but childcare?

Me. I fell into my career by accident. Made a move into a similar(ish) career within the same firm as it worked for me at the time.
Now I'm stuck.
I earn a good salary for what I do. The office is 5 mins from home. I have the perfect hours. Rarely take work home. The office is reasonably relaxed.
But I work in such a regulated environment, it's just literally processes and ticking boxes and filling in forms.
I know I'm very very lucky in the grand scheme of things but it's just such DRUDGERY.
I can't retrain for anything as I'm too old, wouldn't earn the same and wouldn't have the same tiny commute and perfect hours.
I'm literally ticking off days til retirement (in 20 years time!!)

Wow, I can't believe how many of us there are. It seems so unfair that we are trapped like this when we'd happily retrain if the flexibility/help with fees was there.

I keep thinking about volunteering in a sector I might be interested in but then I try to fit that in between working/parenting/caring for elderly parents (because that's a part of my life now too) and it's impossible. I grew up very much with the message that as a woman I could do anything career-wise I wanted - but then life seems to be proving that wrong!

I did.

Single mum, stuck in a full time job I hate with no prospects so I went to a free evening class at my local college to study GCSE Maths.

Passed that, and started an Access to HE course via learn direct that I paid for monthly, about £50 I think it was. One assignment left to do, and I’ve just been given a place to start my degree in September.

Its been hard to fit study around work and the kids, and I’ve wanted to give up at times but I’m so proud that I haven’t.

You CAN retrain OP. Evening classes, online learning, the OU. I’m not saying it won’t be difficult, or you won’t have to make cut backs but you can do it. A few hard years to get where you want and do something you love will be worth it!

I don’t want to derail the thread but if you’re in the UK your employers are legally obliged to provide you with a workplace pension - if they haven’t then you need to address this pronto.

Someone should start a middle aged professional women’s career change service. Really.

I am the same. I work in homecare. It was a position I fell into and I used to like it and enjoy it but now, not so much any more.
I am burnt out. It doesn't matter how hard I work, my boss will only ever see the stuff that is not done even though the work is getting done but there's always people that will come and undo the work I do when it comes to cleaning and other stuff. Then the care aspect can be so so so so so hard. I am just not getting paid enough to do what I am doing. At this rate I would be happy with a factory job but I would like to aim higher. I am a little bit over minimum wage and it's just not enough. I am exhausted. There's just so much issues to it. I am already employed but I am required to do something new and apply to a different company to get 8 hours of my work shaved off and paid by a different company. There is always stuff to do and courses and other stuff outside of work that is needed for work and I reckons it takes up 70% of my time or more. I hate it. The hours can be so long too.

At this rate a factory job would do me. There would be more balance to my work and life. I am drawn to hairdressing but I would love to get something else, something different. Something where I could earn thousands and thousands with minimumal training.

I'm not actually employed, that's the trouble. Nobody down this way employs their nannies (I know, illegal!) but there's a straight choice between doing the childcare work self-employed, or not doing the work at all. I choose the work because £20k is better than nothing.

I like my job but I sit there most days and think there has to be more to life than this. It's not even well paid for what I do, it's convenient and flexible so that wins.

Not sure what I'd do otherwise though, I'm not crafty, I love baking and my cakes turn out well but I don't have the creative skill to do fancy decorations.

I'm truly stuck. Mid- late fifties and would find it hard to move, have tried to better myself salary wise a couple of times in recent years but ended up going back to previous jobs as I just get so stressed/ anxious with new things/ computer systems etc. My current project runs for another 2-3 years but then funding will run out, our dept is going down the pan and we've failed audits and things so unlikely to get renewed. Feel like I'm just biding my time. Everyone has lost motivation.

I'm exactly the same, just turned 43 with 3 children. Prior to children I was in marketing and graphic design for 10 years but took an 8 year career break as a SAHM, (best years of my life), I decided not to return to that industry as its not particularly family friendly or flexible and I've ended up doing part time admin in the education support sector. I've been tied to doing the school run for years which has really limited whatever job I've been able to do, my youngest is about to start secondary in September so I'm going to have more flexibility from August around hours, but I've spent so long out of graphic design and marketing that it's near impossible to get back into it, everyone in the industry seems to be around 21, full of energy and no commitments, I can't compete against that! While my current job is flexible and nice enough, I feel somewhat embarrassed to just be an ‘admin’ person, no status, im really bored and have an massive sense of unfulfulment. I volunteer in my spare time by doing some charity marketing work but this is minimal and I've also started pet sitting on the side, but all in all I'm in a rut and just don't know what to do. My children still need ferrying around to various activities after school so I'm not in a position to really focus on my career, nor can get a job where they’d need me to work evenings or weekends to cover events. I'm thinking to myself, is this it for me until I can start counting the days down until retirement. We are conditioned into thinking we should all have a career. I really want to find something that I'm passionate about and actually get excited to get out of bed for, not the feeling of dread that I'm spending the day looking at Excel spreadsheets. I guess for me, I unknowingly chose to focus on my children and husband and my career has taken a massive hit and I just don't know how to get out of it, I also don't have the time or energy to retrain.

Yes, I feel a bit like this. I’m a GP. I actually think it’s not so much that I don’t enjoy being a doctor, I have a deep love for medicine, always wanted to be a doctor, like talking to people, and I used to enjoy my job. Its more that I just don’t enjoy being a GP in the NHS at this particular moment in time, because I can’t really due to
the constant time and workload pressure, increasing abuse from patients and lack of respect from secondary care/government/the general public, increasingly rubbish pay considering the training needed to get to this point and the risks of the job etc.

I feel very burned out by the relentlessness of it (plus personal life stressors). It’s been getting worse and worse for years but the pandemic really accelerated it all and has made my job so much more stressful, complicated and difficult than it was. I also sometimes wonder if I picked the wrong specialty, but I also have bipolar disorder and don’t think I could manage doing nights again without the risk of triggering a manic/psychotic break.

But I feel stuck as a single parent, as I need to earn enough money to support myself and my child and I also don’t feel super passionate about anything else even if I did have the time/money/energy to retrain in something.

I feel like it’s not so much that I want to change my job as I just don’t want to work anymore basically 🤣 which isn’t practical at my age and stage of life as a single parent. I really wish there was a way of just taking a break for a year without it being financially catastrophic, I think I might be fine after that to return to work, I just need to destress and look after myself and my own child for a change instead of everyone else.

I’m also bummed out by the government basically trying to replace us with physicians associates and the like, and worried that there is not a long term future in this job that I always saw as at least offering job security.

I think at my age I’m also increasingly aware that the doors for potential alternative options are slamming shut in my face eg moving to Australia or retraining in a different specialty. I totally agree someone should start a professional women’s mid life career service! Hmmmm maybe I should quit medicine and do that!

Slightly different situation for me, but also similar. I’m stuck in a banking job, it’s well paid, my colleagues are lovely, my employer is fair, I can WFH 3 days a week. But it’s so dull. I’m stuck with it as two sets of school fees to pay for another 4-5yrs. What I’d actually like to do is be a scuba diving instructor. Unfortunately there’s not much need for them in SE London. And it wouldn’t pay two sets of school fees even if there was.

I’m the same. 43 with 2 children. I’ve been in the same job for about 20 years. I started off doing something slightly more interesting but then took a side step into a different department and lost all confidence with the first role I had.
Since I’ve been in my current position I’ve got myself another degree, paid lots of money to career coaches, got a teaching qualification, done online courses, in-person courses and I’m still in the same company doing the same boring job. It’s really quite embarrassing. It’s not even well paid.