Emotionally decimated by family court

[CultOfRamen]

Basically just having an anonymous whinge. So sick of burdening my family and friends with my sheer devestation and they just keep (with the best intentions) telling me to chin up and get on with it.

have been fighting my ex (separated 9 years) in family court for just over 12 months. Self representing because I earn too much money to qualify for legal but not enough to be able to actually afford a lawyer.

I have a winnable case, mostly because he is just making a mockery of everything, rude, doesn’t turn up, behaves like a child in court, non compliant etc

it’s set for trial soon but I am just exhausted and at the point of quitting my job because I basically just burst into tears ten times a day. Have seen a psychologist, tried anti-depressants etc etc but have been dealing with his bullshit for 12 years and even though I know I can win, I can’t seem to be able to function anymore.

kids are with me the whole time. I pay for everything. He runs rings around us all and then blames all his inadequacies on me. It’s gaslighting and coercive control at his finest but has never lifted a finger or threatened to so not classed as domestic violence by the police or courts.

how do people actually get through this. I’m so close to the finish line but feel like I’m even closer to losing my mind, my job and my home and then he will just piss on the bonfire that is my life and leave me to deal with the wreckage.

please give me a story of victory.

It’s coercion using our child so it’s a ‘parenting issue’ not a ‘relationship issue’.

If he’s using his behaviour with the children to control you then it’s still coercive control. If he fails to pick the kids up from school it’s neglect. These bloody men (cos it’s always men) are fucking shameful in the degree to which they’ll use and abuse their kids.

I know this, it’s the worst form of abuse because it cuts me to my core to see my kids so confused and hurt.

he knows this is the only thing that hurts me so it’s his only weapon.

ive spoken to police a couple of times, mostly when he’s called them on me to ‘welfare check’ his kids because I’m “mentally unstable” but they just empathise and say the family court will sort it out. It’s like his behaviour is starting to make me mentally u stable, like I just randomly cry all the time like if someone I know says hello in the supermarket. It’s like they all know which I know is ridiculous. The last time I felt like this was 9 years ago when he raped me four weeks after I had out youngest and the only way I got through was Valium but I’m too scared to ask my daughter in case he finds out and uses this against me in court. I don’t want to be a zombie but my mind wanders and I can be talking to my kids and not even remember what we are talking about.

I’ve had EMDR which was really good but having to see him in court seems to have ripped off whatever bandage that put on my brain.

I know I can get maybe help in court if I tell them wHat happened all those years ago but I never told anyone except the surgeon that had to repair the damage and I think they’ll think I’m lying and I don’t want anyone to know