Does this sound like Autism?

[Allthatglittersglitters]

I wasn't sure where to post this. Since there has been increasing information about females with Autism it's really made me think. I've always just thought I had bad anxiety.

When I was a child
Slept badly as a baby and child
Hated nursery and starting school and would sob until my mum came back. Did eventually settle into primary school.
Loved reading and lived for my books
Clothes used to 'hurt', seams, labels, long sleeves were highly irritating
Very shy and quiet but often called rude for blurting out the wrong thing. For example telling a bride I didn't like her dress when asked. I thought I was just telling the truth.
Generally clever and did extremely well at primary school but probably considered a bit strange.

Secondary school became a nightmare. Moved schools several times, struggled with getting lost, the rules, all the people, the chaos, eventually dropped out and ended up in an alternative provision unit. Did have several close female friends as a teenager but never quite felt that I fitted in anywhere. Fantasised about just ending it all.

As an adult became increasingly unsociable. Cope with working part time but get exhausted. I generally do well in my job. Do get on well with people but feel that I'm always being a chameleon. I try to copy behaviours of people who seem to do well as I'm not always sure how I should be acting.

Get laughed at a bit but in an endearing way so for example a colleague told me I don't have to keep answering her when she's talking to herself. Don't always get jokes or know if people are being serious or not.

I get very upset if my routine is interrupted to the point I get quite distressed and angry.

Hate noise, I can get into an internal rage and quite upset if someone is sniffing or coughing near me. The tannoy in the supermarket makes me feel disorientated. Smells bother me too I can smell everything and it makes me feel sick and gives me headaches.

I have meltdowns like a child if I'm going on holiday over the packing and worrying but once I'm there I'm ok.

If I have to do something such as go into my children's schools I get disorientated and feel as though I don't know where I should be or what I should do.

I'll stop there as my post is long enough but there is a lot more I could say. Despite all of this I do cope with life and juggling a part time job, children and all that goes with it.

Hi there, in brief, yes it does!

As the mother of an autistic girl with similar traits to you, I would say that you definitely have enough grounds there to seek a proper assessment.

Good luck!

There isn't much support available once you do have a diagnosis, but it can help you to feel better about yourself, as you then know that any difficulties you experience are not your fault, they are just a function of the different way that your brain operates. It can also help to have a diagnosis if you need to go in to an "official" situation which you find difficult, which for my dd is dentist, doctor, hospital, on aeroplanes etc, where you are often, but not always, given special provisions.

Yes, I think you sound very much like my autistic dd, and have many of the classic traits. I have an autistic ds too, but as you say, autism in females presents very differently, and we are only really just starting to scratch the surface of understanding it (in both sexes too, to be fair, but particularly in females).

I keep thinking maybe I should pursue a diagnosis. I would like to make sense of my life and why things have been so difficult.

Then I worry if it's not autism, I'm back to square one.

I do cope because I've created a life that works for me, but simple things that are oral everyday occurrences still a huge challenge.

Diagnosis brings validation but not much else, but there's no harm in going just for that. Workplaces should make adjustments if necessary on need but a diagnosis might give requests extra clout.

It's worth looking at family members too, autism is largely genetic so any eccentric Uncles or quirky aunts in the tree makes it more likely, neurodiverse people tend to come from neurodiverse families.