"if this was a man"

[JonVoightBaddyWhoGrowls]

This phrase keeps popping up on threads. Poster comes on with some complaint or issue and then at some point someone comes along and says, "oh, if this was a man the answers would be totally different".

And I honestly don't get it. Partly because I really don't think that's true. But also, let's be honest, there are differences?

eg I was listening to LBC yesterday and they were talking about Cyberflashing and some guy came on to basically say that he just feels that maybe making it a crime totally misses that perhaps it's a genuine mistake and a man just misunderstood the situation. But I kept thinking that while sometimes situations are misread, that "misread" might mean making a pass at someone in a bar or asking them out when they're not interested, not sending a dick pic! But perhaps even more so, let's be honest here, the number of women who would consider a dick pic a good way to initiate a flirtation must be very few? I think the vast bulk of women would only want a dick pic (if at all) in an already established sexual relationship or one in which sex was very clearly on the cards. ie, a dick pic is something that comes much much further down the line in any flirtation/relationship? While perhaps men would be happy to receive a few naked breast pictures much earlier in a flirtation?

I don't know. I'm just getting annoyed about this constant accusation that women are being treated differently when a) they're mostly not and b) sometimes, being treated differently IS appropriate.

It depends.
On some threads it's completely irrelevant because the behaviour IS different based on it being a man/woman (thinking offending patterns, male pattern violence etc), on other threads it's a fair thing to suggest (thinking many stepparent threads where the double standards for step mothers and step fathers are very interesting to read).

It's over used phrase on MN, yes.

I hear a lot of "Oh woe us poor females are so neglected and trampled upon and meanwhile evil males get pampered" statements on MN, not justified by facts. It's very offputting. If anyone IRL mentions MN in casual conversation the only contribution I can find to say is how misandrist this place is.

I'm not sure you've fully understood my complaint. Most of the comments I'm referring to are where posters suggest that a man would get a more positive response....

Surely it's context dependant... But I really really hate the 'if this were X' as shorthand for 'woe is [insert demographic which neatly describes the poster]'. I see it a lot on threads esp re differing experiences of women. Having said that, I don't think women by and large get any sort of special exemptions, if anything they're routinely castigated for merely having the temerity to exist in place A which is why bad thing B happened to them.
Men are more forgiving of other men and I think in turn women are more forgiving of men more generally - in the most prosaic way this is seen is in the way a scruffy boy is just that a scruffy boy 'out in the wilderness building a fortress' while scruffy girls are frowned upon, even their mothers are looked at with suspicion.
Thing is with your theory that sometimes being treated differently is appropriate is that too many take it to its unnatural logical end which incidentally renders the most 'advantaged' person as victim.

Most of the comments I'm referring to are where posters suggest that a man would get a more positive response....

Not on Mumsnet! A man would never get a more positive response.

Depends what it is. There's a thread running where the man comes into the house, barely says hello to the kids, doesn't say hello to his wife and it's all "poor man supporting his family", "is he funding your lifestyle?" A woman who ignored her husband and children wouldn't be told that was perfectly fine.

There's been a recent influx of incel/MRA/fake surrendered wives here. Whatever the man does is great somehow.

Yes, this sort of thing. There was another one where a woman is acting like a baby (literally) and some poster thought that if a man did it he'd be considered quirky and fun (admittedly, in that case, 500 women have subsequently said WTF? He'd be seen as a creep!)

Quite often it's abusive situations too and the comment suggests that men would get a harder time... and that it's unfair that they would. Which is the other side of the coin to this example but same basic premise.

eg I was listening to LBC yesterday and they were talking about Cyberflashing and some guy came on to basically say that he just feels that maybe making it a crime totally misses that perhaps it's a genuine mistake and a man just misunderstood the situation.

Funny how so few women misunderstand the situation and send unsolicited pics of their bits to random blokes, not something I’ve ever heard happen.

Unlike men, women don’t send unsolicited photos of their privates. If they did I would have the same reaction, but they don’t.

Yeah, exactly.

I’ve been with my husband almost 30 years and I can promise you, at no point in our relationship has it ever been appropriate for him to send me a dick pick 🤣

🤣🤣men would get a more positive response ?
Have you not seen the daily men hating, root of all evil threads !