Dating and unprotected sex

[Ax1993]

How common is it nowadays in the U.K. do you think for dating people on Tinder and having unprotected sex with them after 1 or 2 dates? I've noticed that some people prefer no condoms? This is heterosexual dates by the way

[MiddleagedBeachbum]

Very very common I think 🤨

[AnneLovesGilbert]

Why do you ask?

[LlynTegid]

Too common in my opinion, I think often because of pressure from men and the influence of porn.

[newnamethanks]

That'll be men asking won't it? My willy is SO sensitive, a condom ruins the experience . . . 😂it's not Tinder, men have always done this. Never heard of a woman suggesting it.

[WrylyAmused]

Very common.

There's not been any public health messaging on safe sex for ages, men often don't care about the risk of pregnancies compared to their pleasure in the moment, and AIDS is much less of a threat since they came up with modern drugs regimes to suppress it.

There are also surging rates of common STIs,
so regardless, it would, IMO, be advisable to insist on condoms until you're confident you've been exclusive for 6+months and have also both had negative full panel STI screenings...

[Ax1993]

@newnamethanks

That'll be men asking won't it? My willy is SO sensitive, a condom ruins the experience . . . 😂it's not Tinder, men have always done this. Never heard of a woman suggesting it.

Yes haha

[StarlightLady]

I never understand this often applied male attitude to sexual health. OK, men can’t get pregnant (and often seem to forget that we can) but men can catch other things to.

l won’t have sex without a condom, l always carry a few in my handbag, and been called names for it. Oh, the double standards!

[newnamethanks]

Many men consider the use of condoms to be a personal insult. They can't get pregnant and, also in the eyes of many, doctors are for women. How many times on MN have we read of twatty boyfriends constantly reinfecting their girlfriends with thrush or whatever. Carry your own condoms and insist. Lord knows where he's been.

[x2boys]

@newnamethanks

That'll be men asking won't it? My willy is SO sensitive, a condom ruins the experience . . . 😂it's not Tinder, men have always done this. Never heard of a woman suggesting it.

So women have no say in it?

[StarlightLady]

With reference to my post up thread, l do know the difference between to, too and two (oh the shame!), l just can’t type.

It should have read “But men can catch other things too”.

[HidingFromDD]

Pretty sure I’ve read somewhere that the biggest increase in stis (including hiv) is in the over 50s as they have reduced risk of pregnancy so ‘don’t bother’. Also, ime, some over 50s men struggle to maintain errection and use that as argument against. There needs to be a significantly wider campaign highlighting the risk

[Unexpectedlysinglemum]

Never ever go without a condom with a dating app man until he's done a test and you're sure he's faithful!

[RageAgainstTheCoffeeMachine]

Nope. No bareback riding here. I wouldn't even be having sex after only two dates anyway, condom or not.

[EBearhug]

I don't think any man on OLD has mentioned contraception before I've brought it up. A couple have asked whether I've had STI tests without prompting, but most haven't at all.

It is absolutely your right to ask if they've tested for STIs and if the results were clear. (And no, S, one test a year on your work health insurance isn't enough, especially if you're sleeping around without condoms.) You should also insist on condoms. But you will have to be the one to raise it every time, because it's pretty much guaranteed the men won't.

[jerneni]

Seems to be standard to use condoms in my social circle, I've never had any issues with them. Dropping condom use (and switching to another method of contraception) comes after an agreement on exclusivity and STI tests.

[Deathbyfluffy]

@newnamethanks

That'll be men asking won't it? My willy is SO sensitive, a condom ruins the experience . . . 😂it's not Tinder, men have always done this. Never heard of a woman suggesting it.

I’m a man, and I’ve never done this - wearing a condom is just common sense and that’s always been drummed into me from when I first had ‘the talk’

[EBearhug]

@Deathbyfluffy

I’m a man, and I’ve never done this - wearing a condom is just common sense and that’s always been drummed into me from when I first had ‘the talk’

I'd have thought it was for most people my age - we went through puberty at the height of the AIDS epidemic, and everything was about condoms. But my experience is that (outside of swingers parties, where they are used,) most men will hope you won't mention them, let alone insist on using them.

[fleurneige]

@x2boys

So women have no say in it?

NO is very clear.

But here is my concern with the morning after pill and abortion on demand. It is encouraging such behaviour, and is leading to of unwanted pregnancies and STDs. The fight for the right to choose, was never meant to be misused like this.

[EBearhug]

Of course women have a say, including saying no, but you do have to say it, rather than them automatically getting out condoms to put one on unprompted (or at least, only prompted by consenting to sex.

[Brawcolli]

@fleurneige

NO is very clear.

But here is my concern with the morning after pill and abortion on demand. It is encouraging such behaviour, and is leading to of unwanted pregnancies and STDs. The fight for the right to choose, was never meant to be misused like this.

I don’t see the logic in this, personally. I’d much rather people have easy access to emergency contraception and abortion than not, even if a tiny percentage of people ‘misuse’ it, whatever that means!

[fleurneige]

Yes, I get this. The term 'misuse' is quite clear afaiac. For repetitive use to total irresponsability.