I feel like I’ve royally screwed my career

[Formerlyknownas1]

Ahh I just don’t know what to do

Context:

I’m 32 and honestly I feel like I’ve just completely stuffed up my career with bad choices.

Timeline:
18-21 went to Uni and did a well respected degree
21-26 worked in an unrelated field but earning well for my age. Think sales - high pressure targeted long hours
27 had my first baby. Since then I’ve had another baby and have worked freelance in an unrelated field - now they’re a little bigger and childcare is easier I’m desperate to earn more money.

The freelance work is so quiet atm I’m struggling to make ends meet. DH would begrudgingly ‘top me up’. He covers most of the bills I cover a smaller amount.

Honestly I just wish I’d gone back to work normally full time after my first. I feel like my earning capacity is literally half of what it could be had I just stuck it out.

Did have a fairly decent job offer last week for a remote role but have since been ghosted despite the promise of an offer…. Were days past the date it’s meant to be sent and nothing - and my follow up is ignored.

I just don’t know what to do?! Do I just have to accept a lower salary and start working up again?

anyone in a similar situation that turned it around?

Sorry for the long post lol. Just feel I’ve made bad decision after bad decision the last few years.

Do you have the capacity to take “a job” to give you some financial breathing space, and still maintain your freelance alongside to a lesser degree?

I’m the last person to give proper career advice having had to give mine up over 20 years ago due to family/parental care and health issues. Now in my 50s and going off my head with boredom and frustration due to the lack of using my brain in the job I’ve done for over 20 years….maybe I’m a warning of what NOT to do!

I think honestly that we overcomplicate things for ourselves. A career is nothing but a series of jobs.
Find something in the field you like and start there. Your experience will stand to you and you'll move on and up in time.
I've gone backwards myself to move forwards, it's better to just take it on the chin and get going, you'll catch up.

Some good advice thank you. I think I just need to suck it up and get started but it’s so difficult!

Will look into some jobs around my freelance stuff and see if there’s a way to bridge the gap a little there

Quite honestly both me and my ex husband tried freelancing for a couple of years and had literally not enough work to live on, then loads of work followed by months of nothing.
I find its much better to have an actual job and work your way up.
And also he's your husband what's his problem with topping you up? You are supposed to be a team.

If you take a job below your experience level you should get promoted fast just because of life experience and previous experience. I've started again at the bottom a few times and moved up very fast

‘begrudgingly’?

Your torpedo your career to have his babies at a young age for a graduate woman and he would begrudgingly top you up?

I think once you get rid of the guilt and shame about not pulling your apparent financial weight when you have made a massive sacrifice, you will feel liberated.

you’re 32. You’re young enough to retrain and turn it around. And your DH should be supporting and facilitating this stage of your life.

How much time does your freelance work take up? Could you look for any job (part time) to boost your income without giving up your freelancing?

If not, I've taken a step backwards twice (I'm now late 30s) and both times it has worked out well. The first because I hated my job and just needed anything to get me out of there and the second time to retrain in a new area.

DH attitude towards money is another issue altogether to be honest.

He just cannot get his head around me not having money - despite numerous conversations I think he still assumes I’m frivolous and splurge it - he’s always done well job wise so don’t think he understands the reality. It’s an issue in our relationship if I’m honest with myself but as it stands I have no financial independence whatsoever so whichever way you look at it I need to figure that out.

Good to hear others have turned it around. Just feels like I’m in such a career hole!

Well if you had one job offer you can get another.

Point less to look back at having a baby a bit young or getting the wrong job after uni/not going back after the first.

look forward and apply for some more. There are loads out there and you now have experience in two fields.

Personally I think if your share a mortgage (?) and/or kids then all money is family money. It's well documented what having babies and raising kids can do to the career of whichever partner does the bulk. If you have the kids then money is shared. Cannot understand his attitude and it would be a deal breaker for me.

Plus what's he guna do, go on holiday on his own because you've not got the £?!

Good advice above. Just make sure you have your own pension.

You are definitely young enough to completely start again if you wanted to and to be very successful. I agree with PP who said hang on, how does your dh get away with being begrudging about any of it - they're his kids too! The childcare costs should come out of your joint income, not just yours, you didn't make them on your own.

I think you need a plan. Decide what your priority is - is it a solid career? More money? Stability? Remote working? What? Then think about where your experience lies because that's what people will pay you for. Can you go back to what you were doing at 26? If so, amend your cv put "planned career break" on there and start getting it out there.

Register with some agencies, get in touch with people you used to work with, get on Linkedin and network. Your dh needs to step up with childcare, if you do drop offs he collects or whatever works. What is not fair is if he gets to go to work, come back and not consider his children at all. He needs to share the responsibility around cooking, cleaning, kids, money if you're going to succeed.

You have plenty of time. I was 33 when I picked up my career after a 3 year break for kids. I earn extremely well now and have a good solid career and experience, all started after that (I went back to what I was doing in my twenties too).
Good luck.