Struggling. Anxiety/depression, house on market, new neighbour a nightmare

[LoopEarbuds]

I'd so appreciate any kind or reassuring words anyone could offer me, I'm really struggling today. We live in city suburbs in the South West and have had nearly six years with the noisy young male neighbour who has recently moved from the house next door. Our house is on the market which we're finding slow to move on but we've had some interest. Our new neighbour moved in two or three days ago and to my dismay, it's a cocky young man again. He had a lot of people round on Friday night, presumably for a housewarming, which went on until after 4am. It's a newish estate so very close quarters and there was loud music and shouting in the house and garden.
I've suffered with anxiety and depression while I've lived here, especially during lockdown. I pretty much live with earbuds in permanently. It's OHs house and I don't really like it, hence us buying somewhere together. We're moving out of town and only looking at detached houses in quiet locations, partly because of my anxiety around neighbours now.
I'm so gutted and disappointed that we've ended up with another troublesome neighbour because I'd dared to think things might improve once the previous ones moved out. Obviously we're worried about the impact of this on our house sale as I think any dispute has to be declared, meaning we can't complain or confront him.
My OH and BF are trying to get me to be positive. Our house IS on the market and we have some second viewings coming up but all I can see is the weeks and months ahead, dreading more noise from next door. We haven't even met this guy and I can't help thinking that doing this as soon as you move in is a massive 'fuck you' to everyone who lives in the street?

I feel very low today. If you have any wisdom you could share, I'd be so grateful.

I’m really sorry op. I imagine this is incredibly stressful as in addition to having to put up with this noise yourself, you are worried that any potential viewers might be put off too, if they ask around. I am sensitive to city noise too and it can really get you down.

You never know, it’s early days with this new neighbour and he might have just had a moving in party. And I don’t think you have to declare a quiet amicable chat with your neighbour do you so you might be able to have a quiet chat with him? You could mention that you are trying to sell.

Whenever I have a big worry like this I find it helpful to put some boundaries around it so that it doesn’t become all consuming. So I would give yourself a reasonable period of time like six weeks and decide to go out more, distract yourself, maybe do a hobby that you enjoy and brings you calm, or get out for walks and exercise. And maybe get away for a couple of nights over Easter? And you never know, with any luck, the house might be sold pretty soon and you will be able to escape.

If the sale period goes on longer though you might write down some alternative strategies to see you through? Like doing a side hustle or extra hours to earn enough money so you can move out sooner maybe?

Good luck 💐

PS Edited to say situations like this are sometimes more tolerable if you can do a few things which make you feel more in control of your life, to counteract the worry or constant anticipation of having something potentially done to you ifyswim.

Another thought … maybe a bit lame .,, but could you distract yourself from the noise by working towards the move (if you haven’t done so already)

You could maybe do a thorough declutter, sew some cushions or create some art for new place?

Or start making contacts in the new area where you are looking by starting a hobby there that fits in with country pursuits like bird-watching, horse-riding, dog agility training or something, so when you do actually move you are not starting from scratch?

Finally, if the anxiety and uncertainty of this situation is getting you really down then why not speak to the gp and perhaps get some ads to tide you through the move which is a very stressful event?

I’m sorry to hear your predicament. I woke up feeling very much the same today, could barely drag myself out of bed. I also have absolutely had enough of living on a tightly packed newish build estate. My neighbours are older, so not antisocial in the way you describe but they are extremely passive aggressive and classist/ageist towards younger people on the close. It’s a development of mixed sized housing with a resident run committee but it’s always the older resident voting themselves into positions of control and then ganging together making decisions over shared ownership land that is to their taste or convenience although I pay management fees like everyone else. I don’t have a private garden or a parking space outside of my garage, my boomer neighbours love their little power trips and like to tell me in the small talk I try my best to avoid how much bigger their children’s houses are etc. I have two children who are desperate to move and no longer venture out to enjoy the nice communal garden we also pay for. This morning I had barely put the kettle on and one of the residents is poking around looking at the bushes right in front of my kitchen window and terrace wall, it’s getting to the point of weirdness especially as I have children. My other boomer neighbour blocks my turning circle into my garage because their boomer buddy neighbour says it’s ok to park in front of their garage which is not their right to give away but they have their cliques and never consider me. I must say my neighbour directly next to me is lovely and I try my best to keep things quiet and peaceful for them. I just feel so out of sorts here, we never have privacy and my children never want to venture out. The more elderly the neighbours become as younger families sell up the more they populate the garden in a way that makes it clear that children aren’t welcome as they want the space for their visitors. Another neighbour leaves dog mess on the grass, again a childless person. They used to go hire professionals to maintain the garden but now they’ve decided to do it themselves, this means neighbours poking around at close quarters with their planting schemes staring, huffing, puffing and making themselves into martyrs when I would much rather have handsome young gardeners do it all in an hour in an impersonal way. Also they readily say no to request and suggestions from younger resident but the older residents get a lot more leeway and yes. For example all winter I had to watch a bench rotting the corner in a place that no one would feel comfortable sitting as it’s too public with a right of way going past behind it, literally no one sits on it, so it just sits there rotting and makes it look sad but also it’s other residents stuff they should find storage instead they pretend to donate it but it’s not really as I can’t leave as much as a tennis ball out there without comment. Basically you have my sympathies, I want to sell but I fear only a castle on a hill with a moat will make me happy now.

@LoopEarbuds @Boredinthesticks I’ve had awful neighbours and you both have my deepest sympathy. Why can’t all the awful people live together somewhere far away from the rest of us! i@Asshewheelsherwheelbarrow what a lovely, helpful post! Your advice would have gone a very long way when I needed it, thank you for sharing x

Thank you so much, all of you. It means a great deal that you've replied. Thanks for your suggestions, I will try.

I think this is anxiety related op. He’d had a house warming, it doesn’t mean it’s going to be every weekend,. Have you sought treatments?

I'm so sorry to hear this.

I moved from awful neighbors both sides of my house and I lost money in the process. I was really unwell. All I wanted was peace.

Hopefully your new neighbors party is a one off. If not go around there and tell him to stop. Only formal disputes have to be declared.

I really don't understand people like this. They know they are noisy but they don't care. But one day when I went absolutely spare at one side things did improve a little. And when another neighbor was mowing his own grass they got very upset at the noise. You couldn't make it up.

You will soon be sold. As someone up thread said try to busy yourself in readiness.

We haven't even met this guy and I can't help thinking that doing this as soon as you move in is a massive 'fuck you' to everyone who lives in the street

it’s really just a house warming op.