Not interested in my girlfriend's ex's kids, should I be?

[TheBestCrisp]

I'm seeing a woman who was with her ex for about 10 years and was stepmother to two boys. Father not around.
She's just started taking the boys on the odd day out again, not done this since they split up.
I'm not really interested in them. She'll send me videos of them and tell me what she's bought them etc. I don't mind that she's doing what she does with them, I'm happy for her as I know she missed them and played a huge part in their lives when they were younger but she's just sent me a video of them at a climbing wall type activity and I don't really know what I'm supposed to say? I don't know them, I'm not interested, and now I'm thinking am I a terrible person? Is this abnormal?

Why do you only see each other every two weeks? Is there a distance involved or do you have your own DC? Why would her seeing her former step DC cut into your time together, it she has the rest of the fortnight to see the DC?

I don’t think you need to feign interest in the children, no, but it doesn’t sound like you are very happy or secure in the relationship, to be honest.

If she hasn't Seen them for four years the kids probably won't now see her as a parent figure ,even if that's what she wants , maybe more of a aunt they see semi regularly can you live with that ?
But by the sounds of it if you only see her every couple of weeks
It doesn't sound like a committed relationship do you want more of a commitment and she's not prepared to offer more ,is that what you want ?

I absolutely adore her. @DaffodilsAlready!
She says she'll move in with me soon. But for now she'll only see me every two weeks because of her being busy with her sport. I don't have DC but if I go and see her the whole weekend is taken up with that or at the very least one whole day and it is just really not for me so I go less now. She also lives in a shared house and one of the lads she lives with is a very unsavoury character so I won't stay there, and hotels get expensive.
So she comes to see me every other week.

Have you asked her how much she wants to be involved in the kids lives?

This thread has got a lot deeper than i thought it would! I'm thinking now that maybe you're right and she isn't committed as she says she is. If she has her sport and now these children maybe she won't ever what to be any more than we are now. This is a bit of an anomaly, I've not thought about that up to now!

@RedCarWithDice I haven't. I don't want to sound controlling or pushy? I don't like the thought (generally speaking) of children being separated from good adult connections in their lives. In theory she should see them as much as possible really?

I'm not sure why it would be controling or pushy to ask out of curiosity so that you understand how she feels about them and the situation.

I think it's great that she's driven about her sport. You don't want to be with someone who tries to get all their happiness and fulfillment from a relationship as it will inevitably be a disappointment.

It sounds tough but I think and feel free to ignore me that's she,s not as invested in the relationship as you are ,if you are happy to have a relationship like that than fine but if you want more and she's not prepared to be more committed maybe its time to cut your losses I think the kids are a red herring here .

I think maybe you’re just not that compatible in the long term. Not that I am comparing children to dogs or hobbies, but if my partner got a dog (and was in the same position as you), then I’d probably put up with it if I loved them - I am not a fan of dogs!

@RedCarWithDice no, it isn't a bad thing. She's never really very nice to me when it comes to that that! Which is why I stopped going along with the drinking and rowdiness involved. It just isn't for me, I end up sad and exhausted. The spirt is a new thing too, she saw me more often before that became a thing.

How old is the youngest?

She's never really very nice to me when it comes to that that! Which is why I stopped going along with the drinking and rowdiness involved.

What??

@Revelatio If I saw her more often yes it'd not be even something that mattered at all (dogs/children/whatever).

This relationship clearly isn't equal. Please have a think about that, OP. She's not making much time for you, and she isn't very nice or interested in what you spend time doing?

She isn’t very nice to you? It sounds odd to say that you adore someone who isn’t very nice to you, and you have had to reduce time with because you ended up sad and exhausted joining in part of their life. If I understand correctly.

O don't know @GraveyardWhistling ,I've forgotten. From the videos he is about 9 or ten?

And yes wen it come to the sport she doesn't really talk to me all day/night, leaves me and goes off wirh her friends, it is a very rowdy stereotypical male sport and they all spend hours afterwards getting really drunk and I'm not into it, and it is all they talk about really. She's been openly horrible to me while I've been there with her a couple of times, so I just decided to protect myself and not go with her any more. She's not like that with anything else!

If she doesn’t show that much interest in what you get up to or what you enjoy I’d say she’s not as “into” you as you are to her.

Id say that if she starts including these kids into your times with her so that you’re not getting exclusive quality time with her, I think it’s time to drop the baton.

If her sporting activities keep you apart, then frankly maybe you need to back off.

I think your relationship is doomed.

This reminds me of another thread before Christmas where the partner of two years (in the OP, turned out to have been more like four) basically spend her time doing sport when the OP was visiting or else sleeping when she was visiting OP. She wasn’t in a houseshare but living with her parents. She also said she would but then changed her mind, which is what prompted the OP of the thread I am remembering.
I thought they decided to split up in this thread, but now I am slightly concerned you are the OP of that thread and still stuck with the partner who clearly put you second all the time. It’s very similar, right down to the being horrible a couple of times when she was at her sport.

You sound really lovely and understanding.

I think you're coming to realise this but there's someone out there who deserves you for what you are and what you want but it doesn't sound like your current partner.

This makes no sense,

She was with the ex for 10 years and then with you for 2 years.

Oldest stepchild is 12, youngest 9 or 10, how was she a step mother, her ex partner produced these children during her relationship?

What do you mean by father not around, was she in a same sex relationship with someone who had children with a man? Are you a man or woman?

I have read all of your responses but I am going out now and running late so apologies! I'll read properly as soon as I'm not busy!

You deserve better if this thread is real than your partner isn't really your partner you are never going t to get the kind of relationship you want here

You’re right. And now OP is conveniently ‘going out’. I vote bloke who wanted to chat to the ‘ladies’. 🤔

They are an important part of her life.

Keeping up the relationship with them is important to her, and she is honouring her commitment that she had to them, this will be important to them.

They are not your step children but if your relationship progresses you may need to question why you feel so determinedly resistant to taking an interest in something so important to her.