Just been to my beloved grandparents house for the last time

[Chimpsociety]

And I’m heartbroken.

My beautiful Nanna died aged 96 last summer, my grandpa 20 years previously.

I was incredibly close to my nana, she was like a mother to me - I’d speak to her every single day and visit as often as I could.

She was the person I told everything to - she was full of advice, an ear to listen to my woes. She loved my children and loved nothing better than seeing them develop into good people.

The house sale completes next week. We’ve been clearing the place for months but today is the last time I’ll ever go there again. I cleaned the place ready for a new family who are planning to fully modernise it who will love it as much as my grandparents did.

How can I never be going there again? I’ve known the house for all of my life - 50 years.

I broke my heart locking up and driving away today. A whole part of my life where I spent so many happy times is over.

Not really sure of the point of this post nut I want to put it down somewhere.

I get it op. I did the exact same but it was my childhood home last month after my mums death. The same house was bought home to. 50 years too. My home, my family, my roots gone. Its a good 80 miles away and I have no reason now to ho back to my home town. I took a victorian carved glass door and some brass hooks.

It gets easier. Honestly

I had the exact same last year. Though it took a wee while for the house to sell and it didn't really feel it had anymore, it was still so familiar. The sound of the gravel as you cruched up the drive, the sound of the door opening, the dining toom table where we had had a lifetime of happy meals, the pantry she played hide and seek with my children in. And on it went. It was so hard though in some ways once it was done I was grateful, because it was also sad to visit. I have photos and memories. But it was hard and I'm so sorry.

My grandparents died before I was 20 (quite a long time ago) and the new owners of their house knocked it down, which felt awful. I think I must dream I'm there a lot because sometimes it feels like I was only there a few days ago, when it was actually 1997. I can still smell the kitchen and pantry.

It gets less painful. The love stays and the sadness gets easier to live with.

Thanks for all your kind words. I’ve been so heart sore today. I actually had a pain in my chest as drove away, I’m weeping at the slightest thought. I’m happy a new family with children is moving in - the house hasn’t seen children since we were all small.

Nothing but huge hugs 😭

I still remember walking away from my grandparent’s home - god, it’s 12 years ago now

Still dream about being there most nights. Can’t bring myself to go past when awake 😭

I can still smell my grandparents’ house and see the avocado bathroom and feel the scratch of wool blankets on the narrow twin beds in the spare room. They died over 15 years ago and I still dream of that house.

Your grandmother sounds like a warm, caring woman who lived and loved to the full, and I bet she’d love the thought of her home being filled with children’s laughter and big messy family Christmas mornings and birthday parties again ❤

My DF's rural childhood home in Ireland was finally demolished this year and a brand new house, outwardly similar, has been built on the same footprint, overlooking the lake.

Its been empty for 25 years since his brother died. The family have been in a house on that site since 1815. I thought I'd dread seeing it,but its almost cathartic and its comforting to think another family will enjoy that beautiful view again.

I echo an earlier poster, your lovely memories will be with you always.

Those objects you’ve kept will help you heal and focus more on what you gained from being in that house with your grandparents and their “things” , rather than the empty gut sinking of never return and feeling like you’ve had to loose yet another thing emotionally.
My mum died 20 years ago..I’ve stuff from her that is part of my every day life that brings a smile of good memories - the sound of the drawer closing on her/my sewing table (takes right back to being on her knee as a child), using her rolling pin and thinking “god, mum, I still can’t make pastry like you !”, putting my feet on the footstool where mums feet went.
these things will live on, select them wisely and the loss of the house itself will gradually be eased by the memories you carry forwards in those objects.

Remember too that they live on IN you. You have traits, habits, rituals etc that all came from them, as well as the genetic melting pot.

it’s hard, it’s sad, that’s normal and take time…but it will get easier to think of it as “just a house” as you realise the memories came out of that house and are with you still.

There's so much love in this thread. I've got tears streaming down my face reading it and I send you lots of love @Chimpsociety

Shortly after my gran died 25ish years ago my dad drove us past her flat (my aunt lived in the same street). It was too much so we started going a different route and we actually only went past it again for the first time last summer, again very poignant as my dad had just received a diagnosis of dementia. Sometimes my gran feels a lifetime ago, sometimes she feels seconds ago but I'll never forget her love. We're very lucky to have had grandparents like we did.

I have the Rightmove listing for both of my Grandma's houses open on tabs on my phone. Both greyed out now because they're sold of course but I can still scroll through the photos. I can't bring myself to close the tabs. Both were in their 90s and formidable, wonderful women. I miss them so desperately. I dream about them a lot but happy dreams now.

I have things they gave me in every room, their photos on my bedside table and I open my Grandmother's dresser as rarely as possible because it still smells of her. I dread the smell going.

So sorry to read this op, it's very hard my gran passed away in 2017 and my grandad in 2020. They always wanted my mum to sell her house, pay my uncle his half and move in but when the time came she said she couldn't do it. I remember the day the for sale sign went up outside and seeing the listing on Rightmove and my heart sank - then my mum rang me and said her and my dad wanted to move in. In the end, she went through with what my grandparents wanted, and my parents live there now, and although it's been decorated and looks different, it's still full of those wonderful memories, and now my children add to them.

Keeping items in your home that were in her home will be a massive help for you, and you are so incredibly lucky to have those memories ❤️ people always say homes are just bricks and mortar but they are so much more, and like a pp has said - another family will now get to fill a very loved home, with their own love, which over time I hope will be a huge comfort to you. Be kind to yourself op

Oh I know how you feel. My grandfather died in 2014 and my beloved grandmother in 2019. They lived in the same house from 1956 until her death and it was the centre of our family and such a constant in my life. I would give so much to be able to walk into that house again.

We were clearing out a house today, still more to do but it's sad - a lifetime of memories. I still remember being in my grandparents house for the last time, the house mum was actually born in ...

Hugs op, give yourself space for reminiscing

I've been where you are in the last couple of years, I'm in my forties and my gran died in 2020. It's so difficult. Myself and my husband had to clear her house as my mum died years ago and she was an only child. I had spent so many happy times there as it was only 5 minutes from my parents' house.

We took lots of pictures and were lucky as the granddaughter of a neighbour wanted to buy it. They renovated it and we were invited to visit after Christmas. The layout is different but it was wonderful to see the fine job they did and it made me so happy to see their family in the house, it really helped with the healing process.

Take some plant cuttings, not so it’s obvious or damages the garden. DH took a cutting from a friends laurel tree about 20 year ago and we have a lovely 20ft high tree.

She will always be in your heart.

It is so so hard isn't it. It will feel very raw for a long time but it will get easier. Sending you a big hug

Aw OP I remember doing the same at my grandparents house. So many happy memories. It's almost 20 years ago now, but if I happen to be in the area I drive down their street and park outside for a few minutes!

OP, I read your update.
You have a good frame of mind about the new people moving in.

Feel the feelings. It will get easier. The memories of your grandparents and their house are in your heart and in your mind. The memories are not lost.

@ShowOfHands you say you dread the smell going, but I remember very clearly the smell of my granny's coal fire, her fags and her face powder, her kitchen with the beeswaxed table and the soapy bathroom, the flowering currant outside the back. I was last there in 1991.

Op it's heartbreaking to leave somewhere with such memories but I hope you can take away things that'll remind you for many, many years to come.

Thanks all. One of the items I have is a large wicker ‘Ali Baba’ type lidded basket - I have put linens, tablecloths etc in it from the house and the smell is strong and comforting when I open it. I also have a wool rug that was in her room and when I open the door of the room it’s in it smalls like their house. I hope the smell never goes.

I was vacuuming through the place to make it neat for the buyers yesterday, I used to clean for my Nan and I could hear her saying to me ‘mind to clean right into the corners’ 😂

It was good in some ways to carry out the final close up and make it nice for the new owners. They will be pulling everything out and gutting it anyway but my Nan would have wanted it to be as clean as possible for them.

One of the lovely things the buyers said was how warm and happy the house felt - bearing in kind it has not moved on in style inside from the 70’s / 80’s. It was the feel of the place that was important to them and that’s because of my Nan and Grampa always being very happy there - my Nan always said she’d had the most wonderful life and marriage 😍

Sorry to hear of your loss, though your Nan's long life and all that she gave to you are something I hope you can celebrate in time.

I have a few things my nan gave to me from her house and they continue to provide comfort and happy memories even though her death was over 20 years ago.

I'm sorry to hear about your grandmother OP. I think it's very sad how (inevitably, given the housing crisis) British families are always rushing to sell ASAP after a death, and family members who want to keep and preserve the house as it was usually can't afford to, or can't justify the expense. It leads to a kind of rootless feeling. When I bought my house in France, it had been in the same family for over a century: the previous occupant had died five years previously aged 97, having been born in the house. Her brother had died some decades before and neither were married or had children, and the great nieces, nephews etc. who inherited didn't want the place, so it was cleared out and sold. When I was a care worker in the area, I often asked the old ladies how long they had lived in their house: some had bought it when they married, but many would say "I was born in that room over there", or "I'm from [village nearby] but my husband was born in that room over there". There are certainly pros and cons to living small lives in tiny rural villages, but I do think the sense of continuity and history makes grieving easier.

I've just read your update and I think it's lovely that you've been able to keep some mementos.

@Chimpsociety I could literally have written your post 2 years ago OP 💐

At the time we were just selling our house too and looking for a forever family home. It killed me not to buy my grandparents home. Like you, it was my safe place throughout a difficult childhood. It’s the place where all my childhood happy memories were made. I had the privilege of sitting with both grandparents for a week each doing their end of life care when the time came. They both passed in the house.

Unfortunately the house was just not right for us to buy as a family. The location wasn’t right, nearby nurseries were not right for us etc.

I hosted the viewings for the house sale as I wanted to see potential buyers. One family walked in and the mum smiled as she walked round. She was reluctant to be relocating to the area due to her DHs job and said they had viewed a few properties but everything just felt cold - but as soon as she walked in she said she just felt like a weight had lifted because it felt like a home full of love rather than “just a house” like everything else had. The kids were running around giggling in the garden and I just knew my Nana would have been overjoyed at there being kids back in the house. I knew from that moment that if they offered on the house that I would sell to them. And I did.

I was beyond upset at handing over the keys when the time came but everyone is right - the memories aren’t in the house. You’ll always have the memories.