Why am I so melancholy? How did you find contentment?

[december2020]

On paper I have a lovely life.

An amazing DH who pulls his weight, a smart, funny, amazing DC, a sappy dog, a house we love, we both have good salaries - yet something is missing?

Maybe it's SAD - I thrive in sunshine and warm weather. But I'm really over my job, I'm over the crappy cold weather, I'm over the long commutes (1.5h each way), I'm over the overtime and I feel so meh. It's like I've fallen out of love with my everyday life.

First I thought maybe it was being in the throngs of young DC, but I felt like this before pregnancy. It's definitely been persistent for a few years.
I felt more rested during maternity (with a tricky baby) than I did before.
Given most of my friends have moved abroad now and my hobbies waned so it could be a factor but with work and the commute, young DC and no family to help, I feel like I can't magic up more time to try make an effort on that front unless something else changes.

What is wrong with me? Why can't I find contentment with what I have got?

Where did you find contentment? How did you get there ?
I swear I'm usually a very glass half full kind of person - or well - I used to be!

Sounds like your job is the main thing bringing you down. Any chance of doing something you enjoy more closer to home? Also book a sunny holiday then you'll have something to look forward to.

I realised I didn't have a thing which fulfills me. For some people DC and DH is enough, for me it isn't. I need a hobby and adventure. Before I was married I travelled a LOT; filling my cup visiting new places and meeting new people. I also had regular opportunities to be creative as I'd do little one day courses etc.

Last year I joined a local hiking group and a crafting group, and it's meant so much to have things just for me. Being outside regularly and working with my hands both seems to light my spark.

Do you have a hobby? If not, could you start one?

I read how to do everything and be happy by Peter Jones and followed the strategies in that.

OP you sound exhausted, which you are understandably with that commute!

Whats your financial position?

Can’t you find something closer to home that leaves you more time for the things that will bring you more happiness?

A 3 hours commute sounds like too much. Could you give to a job nearer to you, or where you could work from home some of the time?

I agree, it's the job and commute. I think contentment comes from realising you're pushing yourself too hard and knowing where your boundaries are, then sticking to them rather keep trying to be 'better' or 'doing it all' or thinking 'everyone else can manage x y or z, why can't I?'. Even now you're kind of berating yourself for not being content.

Thank you everyone!

I've found the majority of jobs in my field are in 'big cities' so I currently commute to London, living in Essex (1.5h commute each way is door to door).
I have looked for roles closer to where we are but I haven't seen anything (could also be the current economic climate).

I think you're right - I definitely need to book a holiday somewhere warm and sunny in the interim.

I agree, I am berating myself for not being content, but also because I know we have so much good. So to me, it surely must be a "me problem".

I am thinking maybe to put a request to go part time (3 days a week) as a starting point to see if it helps. Or even to try understand what I need to change. I'm definitely worried of going part time would have any 'unspoken' work ramifications (like never getting a promotion/pay rise or being eh first in line for redundancies).