autism, transfering to 6th form and GCSEs

[steppemum]

my dd is 16 and doing GCSEs.
She is planning on going to a sixth form college to do A levels.

She struggles a lot with transition and change and I have just realised that she is panicking already about unknown teachers in September along with unknown builing/places/routine etc.
She even had a mad panic a few weeks ago about where she would put her hoodies/clothes so that she can choose what to wear easily in the morning, now that she won't be in uniform. Started to plan a major bedroom sort out, based on that. (we managed to postpone it until after exams.)

The problem is that she has to get through GCSEs first, and the looming transition is effecting her emotionally already.

I am doing what I can, we have meeting with SEN team booked and transition day for kids with anxiety etc is booked all for after exams.
She has one friend who goes there so she has some insider knowledge.

But I am wondering if anyone else has had autisic kids struggle with this already, before GCSEs and exams and what they did to help them.

hi any other parents of autistic teens around?

Are you sure her stressing about 6th form isn't her really stressing about her GCSE's.
GCSE'S is the single most difficult time my autistic dd had at school.
We can laugh about it now but the first day of GCSE, we were both in tears. It was a dreadful time for all of us.

thanks. It is obviously both, but it is just so frustrating that upcoming transition is shadowing her GCSEs

I would agree that the stress of exams and lack of control is trigger stacking the emotions so shes worrying even more about the changes looming as a consequence of the exams leading to unknown change. It’s incredibly stressful time even for NT kids my eldest is in her first year at 6th form college now and my younger dd is autistic so I can see why it’s happening. Our approach has always been to talk through all the steps and options/what ifs to help calm her mind that she can process different changes coming. My eldest actually really likes the more adult like learning environment and smaller classes of college it’s been really good for her. I hope you can find ways to support your DD through this tricky patch.

I’m not sure if it’s worse for me to reply or not to reply given how hard this year has been for us, and ds didn’t even change schools!
Clothes is one thing that has been straightforward though- ds’s sister took him shopping for a load of interchangeable clothes for school and he just considers them his uniform.
The one thing I would say is, schedule in lots and lots of rest. She will be exhausted and just need loads of downtime.
DS refused to go on our family holiday last summer (which meant I couldn’t go either) which was gutting but maybe he did just really need the recovery time.

Maybe you can plan a “nice calmer” break or reward between exams and college to give something else to focus on first? My DD had a 4 week break just chilling after exams last summer she was quite happy just being a hermit to recover whereas some of her more NT school folk were busy parting and going to festivals .then she got a p/t job which terrified her but now she loves the money & clothes shopping !

thanks all.
we have family holiday booked after exams, but to somewhere we go every year, so all very familiar home from home.

My older 2 got jobs after exams and revelled in having money at the beginning of sixth form. She isn't going to be able to do that, I think it will take her all summer to recover.

I had a meeting with school on Friday to plan how to get her through, I have insisted she drop 2 GCSEs which we giving huge amounts of stress. She's clever, just too much all at once.

She has a school sixth form, and my other 2 went there, I like the continuity etc. It would be so much easier for her not to transition to a new place. But school has been such a shitty experience for her, (she literally has not one single friend) she is desperate to get away and go somewhere fresh, and have a new start.

I know it is the best thing for her, but today she was getting tearful and saying - I won't know the teachers and I won't know anyone to ask about what the teacher is like, because it is all new.
And I get it, but I also want to say - save this for June!

The change of location although scary maybe what she needs to start afresh. We encouraged our DD to take the leap and she’s has embraced it although a few wobbles. It would have been so much easier for us logistically to just have her at the 6th Form a 10min walk down the road instead it’s 35mins on train and walk in the next town. But it’s actually been great to see her “blossom” more. What’s helped is her understanding her needs so having the confidence to go hide in a quiet place at break times if she’s overwhelmed or say Yes to going to McDs on a Friday lunchtime because it might be fun. She’s reconnected with some old faces from primary just to sit on the train but literally knew no one in her lessons. They did pair her up with a couple of other girls doing similar options though at tutor day. The first 2 whole days were just in tutor groups to familiarise them with the college site as it’s spread out. We also visited together a couple of times in the summer, ensured she could use google maps to navigate & had bus / train Aps ready. She had to deal with cancelled/strike trains in the first few month so talking through “What if” situation meant she knew she had options. She’s not my autistic child but I used the same techniques as she’s very similar at times. I hope your DD can get through these next few months as it’s such a horrid time for them.

I’m guessing for the here and now it’s trying anything linked to calm mind. Will she do yoga or mindfulness or go running fresh air to help with anxiety as there’s only so many times you can talk through ALL the permutation’s of what may happen if you have a “catastrophic ” child like my youngest. It’s exhausting so I do sympathise.

Thanks all,
sorry I was away with work the last couple of days and no internet in my room so I had to resort to reading a book instead of scrolling mn!!

I am really really hoping that the new setting, new start will be good for her. She needs to get out of school.
The trouble is that at one level the problem is her not the school, so she is going ot hit some of the same things again next year.

Just counting down the days til June 14th (last exam)
then we can spend the summer preparing for Sept.