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Original poster

Miss my ex friend

49 replies

Nicetobenice67 · 16/03/2024 06:31

I had a friend for 20 years we told each other all our secrets we spoke everyday we fell out 8 years ago but I miss her I know there is no chance we can be friends again......we fell out because she spoke about my relationship being happy my parang I had split he got wind of it and called her brother asking for her husbands number ...she found out and called me saying don't ever call me again ...why you may think ...well she slept around and she thought I had told my partner (I hadnt) and that he was going to tell her husband .....she probably didn't handle things well and maybe I didn't either I was so angry after as my ex didn't ring her husband and when I saw her I said secrets and lies are going to bite you on the arse ....she made up some lies to her husband as to why we had fallen out

OP posts:
user1984778379202 · 16/03/2024 07:43

Nicetobenice67 · 16/03/2024 07:41

I'm not ....its just you questioned are you absolutely sure ?

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Which is a fair question! Something convinced her you had said something. Did your ex actually speak to her DH?

Original poster
Nicetobenice67 · 16/03/2024 07:45

user1984778379202 · 16/03/2024 07:40

Again, why are you being so defensive? We’re just asking questions to fully understand the background.

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I have already said many times I hadn't said anything to him I was a very loyal friend that's why I don't understand it she should have trusted me and spoken to me ....he knew her from years back before I got with him he already knew things about her that's why he was asking for the number as she had be talking about our relationship badly

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Original poster
Nicetobenice67 · 16/03/2024 07:46

user1984778379202 · 16/03/2024 07:43

Which is a fair question! Something convinced her you had said something. Did your ex actually speak to her DH?

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I think she got scared things were going to come out but again she should have known I would NEVER have said anything about her I was a good friend to her I always had her back even if she was in the wrong

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accentdusoleil · 16/03/2024 07:46

Call her up and talk to her

user1984778379202 · 16/03/2024 07:47

Nicetobenice67 · 16/03/2024 07:45

I have already said many times I hadn't said anything to him I was a very loyal friend that's why I don't understand it she should have trusted me and spoken to me ....he knew her from years back before I got with him he already knew things about her that's why he was asking for the number as she had be talking about our relationship badly

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Sounds like you weren’t as good friends as you thought. If you were, she should have given you the benefit of the doubt, instead she took the first opportunity to dump you. I wouldn’t bother trying again.

Original poster
Nicetobenice67 · 16/03/2024 07:48

accentdusoleil · 16/03/2024 07:46

Call her up and talk to her

I want to!! I'm just scared of rejection I suffer GAD and it would be horrible if it went south thank you for your reply

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Original poster
Nicetobenice67 · 16/03/2024 07:50

user1984778379202 · 16/03/2024 07:47

Sounds like you weren’t as good friends as you thought. If you were, she should have given you the benefit of the doubt, instead she took the first opportunity to dump you. I wouldn’t bother trying again.

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This is what my friends say ..they say she wasn't your friend ...it hurts to think that tbh as I thought we were like sisters I've never had that again...I love my friends don't get me wrong but that friendship was different

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Original poster
Nicetobenice67 · 16/03/2024 07:52

Bookmark1111 sorry if I didn't come across well in my previous post

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AnneLovesGilbert · 16/03/2024 07:56

Of course you miss her. You feel the relationship ended over a misunderstanding. You feel betrayed she thought you’d betrayed her. She knows a lot about you. That’s completely natural. The end of a really close meaningful friendship can be much worse than splitting up with a boyfriend.

I hope you’ve got other people you’re close to now. You could write her a letter and not send it if that would help you get the feelings out but not risk getting hurt.

ChoccieEgg49 · 16/03/2024 07:56

Some friends are for a reason, a season or a lifetime as the saying goes. It's OK to miss what you had, and normal - but embrace the fact that situations, life and friendships constantly evolve and new friends will come into your life. Treasure the good memories from the past and open yourself up to new ones in the future 💐

Original poster
Nicetobenice67 · 16/03/2024 08:01

ChoccieEgg49 · 16/03/2024 07:56

Some friends are for a reason, a season or a lifetime as the saying goes. It's OK to miss what you had, and normal - but embrace the fact that situations, life and friendships constantly evolve and new friends will come into your life. Treasure the good memories from the past and open yourself up to new ones in the future 💐

That's really helpful thank you so so much

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Original poster
Nicetobenice67 · 16/03/2024 08:02

AnneLovesGilbert · 16/03/2024 07:56

Of course you miss her. You feel the relationship ended over a misunderstanding. You feel betrayed she thought you’d betrayed her. She knows a lot about you. That’s completely natural. The end of a really close meaningful friendship can be much worse than splitting up with a boyfriend.

I hope you’ve got other people you’re close to now. You could write her a letter and not send it if that would help you get the feelings out but not risk getting hurt.

Thank you for taking the time to understand and reply I will take this on board x

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AuntMarch · 16/03/2024 08:18

Nicetobenice67 · 16/03/2024 07:35

It's not about that it's about her calling me up and saying don't ever call me again

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But I don't understand why that was such a big deal your ex was calling her brother or trying to get hold of her husband.
It all seems a bit dramatic. I'd distance myself from that.

KomodoOhno · 16/03/2024 08:23

I think it's for the best to let this go. The friendship is over and dwelling on it isn't good for you. I hope you have other good friends in your life.

Original poster
Nicetobenice67 · 16/03/2024 08:35

KomodoOhno · 16/03/2024 08:23

I think it's for the best to let this go. The friendship is over and dwelling on it isn't good for you. I hope you have other good friends in your life.

I do have lovely friends just this friend was like my sister I wanted it to be a friend for life but it wasn't..I'm all about loyalty

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Original poster
Nicetobenice67 · 16/03/2024 08:36

AuntMarch · 16/03/2024 08:18

But I don't understand why that was such a big deal your ex was calling her brother or trying to get hold of her husband.
It all seems a bit dramatic. I'd distance myself from that.

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She thought her secret was out ...

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curiousasacat · 16/03/2024 08:41

It's always sad to lose a friend of many years and I think this has happened with many of us, often for reasons we cannot understand. It happened to me and I still don't understand it (eg there was no falling out, no arguments etc)

However, whilst it's ok to feel sad and get it out, for myself, I found constantly thinking "what if...." to be a completely pointless waste of time and energy. It's happened now and you cant turn back time. So, grieve the loss of the friendship and then let it go. Look forward to the future and all the potential friends you haven't even met yet. Don't let a past sadness be the lens through which you view the future.

Testina · 16/03/2024 08:49

I'm all about loyalty

You know, I’d have a think about that. This woman was cheating on her husband. That’s really a horrible thing to do. It sounds like your self perception of yourself as “loyal” was more important to you, than actually choosing a good friend. I would - and have - distanced myself from people who behaved badly. I’m not naïve. One friend had a short lived affair. Her husband was horrible, they were clearly into the endgame of their marriage and this was the “exit affair” that helped her mentally know she really had to leave. Which she did. During that time, I listened to her marriage issues, but refused to listen to her affair excitement. I told her why, and our friendship survived. You’re grieving this friendship, but it sounds to me like she wasn’t a great person, and that wasn’t a great friendship. She’s a cheat and a liar who has to shed “friends” for fear of being caught out. No loss.

Original poster
Nicetobenice67 · 16/03/2024 08:50

curiousasacat · 16/03/2024 08:41

It's always sad to lose a friend of many years and I think this has happened with many of us, often for reasons we cannot understand. It happened to me and I still don't understand it (eg there was no falling out, no arguments etc)

However, whilst it's ok to feel sad and get it out, for myself, I found constantly thinking "what if...." to be a completely pointless waste of time and energy. It's happened now and you cant turn back time. So, grieve the loss of the friendship and then let it go. Look forward to the future and all the potential friends you haven't even met yet. Don't let a past sadness be the lens through which you view the future.

Wow thank you this is great advice ...I'm going to put this to bed it really is a pointless task keeping up with the what ifs ...thanks again

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user1984778379202 · 16/03/2024 08:53

Nicetobenice67 · 16/03/2024 07:52

Bookmark1111 sorry if I didn't come across well in my previous post

No worries! It's clearly an upsetting topic for you. I do think it's sensible to put it to bed.

Original poster
Nicetobenice67 · 16/03/2024 08:56

Testina · 16/03/2024 08:49

I'm all about loyalty

You know, I’d have a think about that. This woman was cheating on her husband. That’s really a horrible thing to do. It sounds like your self perception of yourself as “loyal” was more important to you, than actually choosing a good friend. I would - and have - distanced myself from people who behaved badly. I’m not naïve. One friend had a short lived affair. Her husband was horrible, they were clearly into the endgame of their marriage and this was the “exit affair” that helped her mentally know she really had to leave. Which she did. During that time, I listened to her marriage issues, but refused to listen to her affair excitement. I told her why, and our friendship survived. You’re grieving this friendship, but it sounds to me like she wasn’t a great person, and that wasn’t a great friendship. She’s a cheat and a liar who has to shed “friends” for fear of being caught out. No loss.

Thanks for your reply ...but no affair is exceptable even your friends with her horrible husband ..but I get what your saying about Mt ex friend thankyou

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KomodoOhno · 16/03/2024 09:00

Nicetobenice67 · 16/03/2024 08:35

I do have lovely friends just this friend was like my sister I wanted it to be a friend for life but it wasn't..I'm all about loyalty

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I'm glad. I read once some people are leaves on your tree of life and some are branches. It's hard losing a friend but it sounds like you have some good ones.

Testina · 16/03/2024 09:20

Nicetobenice67 · 16/03/2024 08:56

Thanks for your reply ...but no affair is exceptable even your friends with her horrible husband ..but I get what your saying about Mt ex friend thankyou

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I didn’t say my friend’s affair was acceptable. If it’s important enough to you to say that it wasn’t - why did you want to stay friends with someone whose secrets you were keeping were about “sleeping around” - which sounds like multiple affairs? That’s not “loyalty” but being complicit in shitty behaviour. She’s no loss to you.

Original poster
Nicetobenice67 · 16/03/2024 09:25

Testina · 16/03/2024 09:20

I didn’t say my friend’s affair was acceptable. If it’s important enough to you to say that it wasn’t - why did you want to stay friends with someone whose secrets you were keeping were about “sleeping around” - which sounds like multiple affairs? That’s not “loyalty” but being complicit in shitty behaviour. She’s no loss to you.

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Why did you stay friends with someone who had an affair? Seems like hypocrit springs to mind that's what I'm saying and kmowvits not exceptable and I always told her so and tried to get her to see what she had at home asvits just not worth it ...I wanted to be friends shecwas my best friend for 20 years we knew everything about each other it just seemed it ended for no reason really as I done nothing wrong to her ...but with all the good advice I've had I'm goingvto take it on board and put it to bed and realise she was a shitty friend and I deserve better

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