I'm a compulsive eater and I'm disgusted with myself.

[ItsVileReally]

Been over weight my adult life. Had kids young.

Hovered around 13st. Around 6 years ago I ballooned to 19st in a relationship with someone who binge ate.

I went to Turkey and had a gastric sleeve 3 years ago.

I reached 10st7lbs. In the first year.

Since then I've gained 2 stone.

All I do is think about food.

The sleeve makes me physically unable to eat sugar. It makes me shake and vomit.

Yet I still do it. All day every day.

I've just eaten an easter egg (the small £1.50 ones) but I already feel like I need to lie down because I can feel the sugar dumping coming on and I will probably vomit.

I have no self control at all.

I've done every diet on the planet. Hypnosis. Inhections. VLCDS. Keto. Fad diets.

Health kicks. Lifestyle changes.

Non of it sticks.

I'm so embarrassed when people see that I'm gaining the weight again.

I used to see family and they'd say how good I looked, now they don't mention it because they can see I'm gaining and gaining

I'm agoraphobic. I only go out with my DP. I don't work. I'm anxious, antisocial. I'm terrified of everything. I have ADHD

I'm a complete mess and have no idea how to change at all.

I don't think I can.

I'm going to physically hurt myself if I don't control what's going in my mouth. 85% of my stomach is gone fss..

Op it’s really hard so you are being too tough on yourself honestly. I think you need to explore what’s behind the over eating. Have you considered the weight loss injections like wegovy? I ask as I recently started and I no longer have what others described perfectly as food noise. I am a massive over eater too. Although they are not for everybody, so far, they have been a game changer for me. They are giving me the headspace I needed to not want every sweet thing in the house, or indeed the cravings I fought with before to not buy things in.

Hi Op.

you’re going to get a lot of posts about injections / tablets / diets / habits. But it seems to me that You’ve done everything except work to fix the root cause of your over eating… your mental health / trauma.

You've suffering with a variety of mental health issues and overeating is how a part of you is tries to cope with that because you don’t have other ways of coping with how bad you feel. to fight feeling how bad you feel.

Improving your mental health is the only way out of this. I’m sorry it’s not an easy solution.

What are you doing to support your mental health?

I've had CBT therapy. Am on antidepressants. Well I was, I stopped them because I'm waiting for my ADHD assessment, I know I have it but waiting times are crazy long for diagnosis.
I've been to overeaters anonymous but hated it.

There's no help. I know people will say 'Go see your GP' but my medical history is nothing but me going and asking for help.

There is non.

1. 5 years for 12 sessions of online CBT therapy.

What was the problem with Overeaters Anonymous?

It might be worth looking at psychotherapy rather than CBT to really get to the emotional root cause.

No there is no help and it’s so shit. And I’m so sorry you’re feeling like this.

CBT doesn’t solve root trauma and nor will medication, both are helpful in certain situations.

Do you read or listen to podcasts of books about mental health? Free from Libby library app? What about YouTube videos about therapeutic approaches to eating disorders?

What about other parts of your life that can help (a tiny bit): sleep, exercise, eating lots of fruit and veg (even if you’re eating all the Easter eggs, eating veg and pulses etc helps with mental health), what about hobbies, crafts. I KNOW none of this is the solution but it all helps a teeny tiny bit to calm your system down.

What of any of the above things have you ever enjoyed?

I have bad social anxiety and I just found it too overwhelming, I just wanted to escape the second I got in there. Plus they were very weird and cultish. I made a post about it after I went and was told they're not all like that but that's my local one.

I've had injections, I did say that in OP.

They made me really poorly.

Why did you stop antidepressants because of waiting for an adhd assessment? I can’t see a relationship between the two things.

Have you ever been on the “right” dose of antidepressants, so that your mental health and anxiety feel improved?

Because I don't think I'm depressed. I think I have ADHD. (which untreated may cause me to feel depression like symptoms because I'm not getting help but that's not my underlying issue, it's a consequence)

I've been treated with antidepressants for 15 years. And they haven't changed anything. Because I don't believe that after 20 years I'd still feel exactly the same if it were depression.

It's ADHD and that's a completely different course of treatment to anti depressants.

15 years and about 6 different antidepressants, all different doses of each one, tried for at least 12 months each, so yeah, I've given it a go.

Hi OP am sure you understand that your over eating is more about your MH . In the perfect world you need to see a therapist who specialises in eating disorders. Can you ask your GP to refer you to a decent therapist?
You really should be taking your medication. Xx

I've been taking them for 15 years and they haven't done anything?! Except help me gain weight.

There is no therapy available. I've been told that. They won't refer me to an eating disorder clinic because they think I just need to exercise more.

They said they will pay for wright watchers. That's all they can do as far as weight goes.

He said he won't refer me to weightloss pathways as I've already had a sleeve and that's the end goal to those programmes.
.

I'm going to hide this thread because it's not really helping me.

But thankyou to anyone that replied. There's nothing I can really do that's going to change me. I've been this way forever.

Sorry for starting this then bailing.

Op if you’re still around I hope you may be able to find a way to pay for the right therapy?
It does exist and will help you, though you’re right you won’t get anywhere on the nhs.
I also understand what you’re saying about adhd/antidepressants.

OP I suspect it's your ADHD, it makes addictions common and extremely difficult to overcome. It sounds like you're self medicating with food. It's awful that you have to wait so long for an assessment because the ADHD medication could be an absolute god send. I've had an addiction for 30 years, started meds and I was done with it - no difficulty at all - just didn't need it. Is there any way you could get a private assessment?

I understand what you're saying about antidepressants. You need meds for ADHD.

Hey OP. I know you've hidden this thread, but on the off chance you come back, I just wanted to say I'm sorry you are struggling right now. I can't offer advice, but I can sympathise in some way. I recently had my gallbladder removed, so eating fatty foods makes me feel really ill/vomit but I still keep binge eating. I am much, much bigger then you and I know I need to stop but I can't.

Interestingly, I've recently been put on the waiting list for an ADHD assessment, but the doctor has prescribed me antidepressants as he thinks I'm moderately depressed and severely anxious, but I don't think I'm depressed, so I'm reluctant to take them.

So, I completely understand how you are feeling, you're not alone, and I'm sorry it's so hard.

This is why I don’t believe weight loss surgery is the answer. It doesn’t address the psychological issues.

Also, could you look into 'right to choose' for an ADHD assessment? There's some good info on the ADHD UK website

You need eating disorder treatment. Sadly, I don’t know how you access it. I had to pay privately.

It might be worth looking up intuitive eating in the meantime. There are lots of free resources out there. Some people use intuitive eating as another diet but it’s not really about that. I’m not saying it will be exactly what you need but it might be a step in the right direction. It’s about accepting your body as it is, learning to listen to its need etc. I don’t know if or how your ADHD would affect it but it’s worth checking it out.