Single and feeling like I want a life? Bit rambly but I think I need to rebuild my life and I dont know how

[TheBunnyLover]

Some of you would've been on my previous threadhttps://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/4926776-who-moves-in-with-who-in-these-circumstances-or-do-we-just-break-up?reply=130166280

Without DP now, I am alone most weekends.

I think my mistake has been, I got in a relationship with my ex DP when I was also in the process of relocating to be nearer family. So I moved here, and DP at the time always told me she'd move in with me eventually if we stayed together.

We were long distance, but she kept making excuse after excuse and then eventually I entertained the idea of moving to her but it just wasn't feasible and we split-but the mistake was, I always thought she'd move here. So I didn't plan for a single life where I am now. It was different in my old home town as I had a lot of friends there of different types? If you will. Those who liked to go on days out, hobby friends, other hobby friends, friends to drink wine with, friends to go on walks with... Here, because I always had the mindset that I was in a relationship and would soon be cohabiting, I don't have that and didn't make an effort to have that kind of life here really, because DP was going to move in soon.

But then she didn't.
I feel like I am just starting again but with no idea where to be at the end of it?

Most of my friends are coupled up/settled and live in my old hometown, would involve a hotel stay. I've got a decent local pub I go to a couple of times a week, and I do have friends I get on very well with there, who I met in there, but I don't want going out for wine being my only 'thing' that I do and my only opportunity for socialising. I do go to the gym but that's about 45 minutes a few times a week. I have a dog so days out for the whole day are difficult.

I'm quite busy generally, I run a small business and I work almost fulltime. No children (gay and never found anyone or maybe I would have )

Tonight, I see just an empty weekend stretched in front of me.

To be fair, when I was with DP her weekends she didn't see me were full of hanging out with her friends drinking, and doing her hobby, which sometimes took up the whole weekend and I'd be in the same position then, she'd only see me every two weeks.

Has anyone else had anything similar? Did anything help? I am trying to stay positive but sometimes It's difficult.
At first, and when we were together but she wasn't here, I'd feel like she was just having fun and doing her hobby that she abused me over, getting drunk then going to bed and I'd be here just wondering what was happening. But I feel a little better than that now.

How do you feel about doing stuff solo? My personal view is that if you build your own life friends come in time and fill in the gaps. I guess I find it easier to find hobbies or go out and see places or shows than I do actively seeking friends. Meeting people happens incidentally for me but once I've met them I do make an effort to build an acquaintance then friendship.

I've moved around a fair bit and tbh you just have to put yourself out and join stuff that you're interested in. Although I'm married, everything I do as a hobby is on my own. I do an exercise class I love, I joined a women's running group, a choir, started a book group, done some amateur dramatics. So I'd find out what's available locally and see what takes your fancy. You'll just have to take a deep breath and be brave!

Music and drama both seem to be sociable hobbies if you're interested those. Campaigning groups, either political or on a particular issue might also help you find like-minded people or you could try meetup.com. Good luck!

Well, you said you moved to nearer family — are they people you socialise with, or very elderly and infirm?

Can you move back to your old town?

What I find concerning is that you seem to think of friendships as only worth investing in if you’re single…?

Hi all, I am sorry I didn't come back to the thread. I have been quite down and just struggling to pick myself back up. I'm feeling slightly better now but I don't want to be flaky and seem that I ask for advice and then don't do anything with it.

I am okay to do things solo generally. I am an only child who became quite used to it. I think I'd like to make more friends though not necessarily 'in each other's pocket' ones more so groups I can go and do things with if I want to, so I don't just be alone all weekend. My dog is good company but I do like to hang out with humans once in a while!

Last weekend I went for a run to a new place with her which was nice, and I had a horseriding lesson which was great albeit I am a lot more nervous than I thought I would be! I'd love my own horse but I am just too busy and lazy for all the involved care and full livery would bankrupt me unfortunately!

I like that notion that friends come along-I guess when I first moved here I did go to the pub alone and sat in the sun (weather permitting) with the dog and that's how I eventually met friends there but again, I don't want to become a bankrupt alcoholic/old wino so i need something other than the pub, in my life!

I have been on 'meetup' and found a walk to go on this weekend so I will see if I dare join in with that-It's a city walk. I have been looking at events. Thank you@Lovelyview

I guess I find it annoying that my ex DP has always lived in the same town and has her hobby of a weekend and on weekends I wasn't with her (and now) I just didn't have things to do all weekend-I expected a shared life and never got one.

@Sockdolager I have a half sibling but he's busy with his family and other things and we aren't close, it was mainly to be nearer parents but my Dad has now fallen out with me (he's a difficult character). My Mum isn't infrim although she is elderly, and some weekends she's been to things with me but I don't JUST want to rely on my Mum. Unfortunately for her my Dad's latest episode means he doesn't really want to do anything with her, so I guess that's been quite good for me as she's been free on weekends and we've been on some walks, to some other things and are going to the theatre this weekend. I wish she wasn't in that position though!

I like to think I value friendships no matter what, I do have friends but other than 'pub friends' they're all in my hometown. I guess for me this is a new thing to be in-I thought she'd move in and then we'd have one another and could go and visit one another's friends, I didn't think I'd need or want anyone else in life around me? If that makes sense it probably doesn't but she's left a gap now. I need something else in my life. I don't want to have to travel to see friends in my old hometown all the time. If she was here with me, I'd not be needing other things going on I guess?