Not enough people

[peppermintteadrinker]

I'm a lone parent to a child with ASC age 13.

He has his Dad but it's not always an easy relationship. I don't trust ex because he abused me.

I have my mum who is elderly and lives a long way away and my brother who I don't get on with who lives even further away.

I don't have a partner. I have friends but have realised as my son has got older, I don't have anyone to practically help me at all.

I also have a chronic illness/disability.

I'm sat here at hospital with DC who needs a general anaesthetic today. I'm supposed to have another adult in car to drive home but I have nobody. I'll manage but it's made me feel quite vulnerable really.

How do you get more people in your world for stuff like this? Friends make noises about helping but then don't. They have families who would help them.

I'm sorry to hear this. I think you need other single mum friends, or perhaps there is a way to become friendly with other parents of DC with ASD.

The bit that struck me is "friends make noises about helping but dont". Have you actually asked anyone to come to sit in the car with you on the way home/drive you home? Not mentioned what is happening today but actually said "X I wonder if you could help me as on 15th March I need someone to give me and DS a lift home from the hospital, it will be around such and such a time?"

Generally people are willing to help but not very good at working out what help you need but are more than happy to do something if asked directly.

It sounds like you need to form relationships with other single parents and neighbours to build a network. If you have nice neighbours, heard about some horrors on here!

Try his dad and friends and say you need help getting back, let the staff know the problem in case there are delays.

Can you afford a taxi? I can understand it must feel like the burden is all on you.

Do you have any religious faith?
I don’t have the same dogmatic faith as I used to but must admit that the community aspect of church can be great especially if you get linked up with a small group or ‘home group’. Having said that I imagine it’s not easy for you to get out and attend a Sunday service or midweek evening group

How do you get more people in your world for stuff like this?

I think this is an odd way of looking at the world though. You don't make friends "so they can help you", becoming friends with people is a two way thing in which you both give and receive over the years, but mostly just enjoy spending time together.
You join things to become part of a community.....churches, hobby groups, volunteering, interest groups, fundraising groups, craft groups, groups to do with a specific medical need or diagnosis, SEN Support groups, 'Friends of {parks /stately homes /nature reserves / beaches / schools / whatever community interests you}' Groups.

I also agree with @Hellocatshome 's post. Unless you ask people, how will they know you could have done with a hand with a particular task on a particular day ?

@NewName24 I think she's just asking about assistance for isolated people who don't have support.

Tbh if I was ever stuck like that I'd reach out to support groups.

Yes I did ask but I don't have many people I can ask. The one friend who thought she could help ended up with other stuff on.

When ds was little I had lots more people. All my single mum friends have now got second relationships plus they're all from families that help too.

Of course you don't make friends just because you want something. It's not like that and hasn't been like that. I suppose I just don't have many people nearby. I'm not from this area. All my friends here are from here and have families around them.

I'm not religious. And now because I'm ill, I can't socialise so maybe keeping friends closer or being more present is harder.

I've managed today..it just feels a bit overwhelming sometimes that I am really on my own.

Oh and his Dad didn't even check in today before or after the op.

It can be very lonely being a single parent, even when you have family and friends nearby. Certain situations such as Illness can really bring that home. It’s hard - people are busy with their own lives and often do not realise how isolated you might be feeling. I don’t think I have any advice other than when previous posters have said - there’s no magic wand, you just have to ask a few friends until you find one who is free or you make other arrangements.