Wills - second wife - what's fair?

[BarrelOfOtters]

Our wills need updated as we bought a house together. Both have life insurance in place to pay off mortgage if anything happened to one of us.

We've been married years, he has 2 kids in their 20s - I don't have kids. We are in our 50s. We both have savings of about £300k each in various forms.

I originally didn't want him to leave the house in trust to me as I didn't want the kids hanging about for their share of the inheritance. Also practically I'd downsize if anything happened to him.

But I'm now starting to think that might be the best way to do it.

The alternative was that I bought the kids out of the house so they get their inheritance - but I can't really afford to do that. Though I suppose we could do it in proportion to how much I put into the house

He's thinking the trust route is the best way to go.

What would be fair?

It’s quite simple really. Make sure the house is owned as tenants in common. He leaves his cash to his DC, and a lifetime interest in his share of the house which then goes to his Dc when you either cohabit, die, go into long term care.
In your will, you can do similar, leaving your cash to your relatives and your share of the house to whomever you choose with a lifetime interest for your DH.
The only potential difficulty with this arrangement is that if, say, DH dies first then you end up with dementia and need long term care, the house can’t easily be sold as you’d not be able to legally sell it if your diagnosis meant you ended up lacking capacity.
So, in order to prevent this possibility, each of you needs to set up LPAs for finance, nominating each other and someone else (possibly his children / your nephews.nieces) to be attorneys. That way, they could act as your attorney in order to sell the house.

I think the sensible thing to do is to go for a lifetime interest in his half of the property.
That leaves you with options. You can always sell and pay them out if you want to.

I think leaving his share of the house to his DC with you having a Lifetime interest is fair to all. I also think you should be left some money too. You are his wife. He should want to leave you comfortable if he dies first. As you say you are leaving your half of house to your DH. You could leave between nieces and nephews with your DH having a Lifetime interest. It makes it more equal.

Your Will needs to fit your wishes whether you die next week or in 40 years. If your DH died next week would you still see yourself in the house in the house in 5 years time?

I think the life interest route is the fairest. He leaves his share of the house to his Dc but you don’t lose your house. A life interest means you stay in the house as if it was yours, it isn’t like being a tenant.

If he leaves the house to you anything could happen : you re-marry etc. It’s his will, and in his position I would go the life interest route, and would expect my partner to do the same.

P.S And I would do the same: leave your half to your nieces and nephews with a life interest to your DH.

If you want your nieces and nephews to inherit: make your Will so that they do so.

Men remarry very quickly… and he had D.C. . I have seen so many men remarry and not sort a new will to honour the intended beneficiaries of their late wife. Lovely men, normally ‘sorted’ men .

This is crazy! You should keep your home on death of your partner.

Your DH won't be dealing with this awful situation, he'll be dead.
Your home is your home, you are married to the other homeowner. When one dies the house should pass to the other.
It isn't perfect in all situations - horribly annoying if your recently deceased parent inherited from your long deceased parent then remarried and died very soon afterwards but you are talking about a long marriage which you have both contributed to and it seems to be his own wealth not inherited from their mum.
Expect your husband to give you some dignity in widowhood.

Same re RH. Jesus I need to stop reading about Kategate.

Yes if I died he could very quickly remarry, but absolute hand on heart I know he'd see his own kids right whatever.

I know not all men do, but he would. Which is where this query is coming from really, how to make sure everyone is all right.

But I am really coming round to the life interest route.

We already have LPA which name each other, but honestly can't remember if we name anyone else...

There's a history of dementia in my family so we are very aware of that as a possibility. Whereas his family all live on well into their 90s in their own homes supping vodka and still smoking.

I think lifetime interest is a bad idea. You’re 80, your husband died 20 years ago. You want to move to a suitable house that will leave you able to live independently a bit longer but you can’t afford it because when you move you have to give a chunk of cash away to his kids. so you are stuck living in an unsuitable house while house falls into disrepair because you can’t cope with it.

everyone seems to assume moving when older is downsizing to cheaper place but that might not be what you want. Maybe you will want to move to a really expensive area because that’s where your support is. Etc etc.

To add to what @aodirjjd says, smaller more suitable houses aren't always cheaper. In most areas bungalows are sought after and carry a premium.

I am a step mother and we also have joint children (so different to OP). I am not selling our house straight away if something happens to my DH just so his children can get their inheritance! They will get their share when I go - just like their half siblings. Anything could happen in the meantime and it is “our” money, not just his. We have also been together a long time (over twenty years) and all the children (and grandchildren now) are very much part of our lives. I would absolutely protect their interests from any future partner etc. I appreciate this is not always the case with step families. They are also due to inherit a substantial amount from their Mum’s family, so should never be in dire straits (I would help them if that happened obvs).

Re LPA’s definitely name a second that you trust and for them to be able to act jointly and severally.

Work out what your share of the house would be and stipulate that this be left to your nieces and nephews upon the sale of the house - you need to make sure your husband has done this too - can you leave the property in a trust which ensures one party doesn’t do a runner with the other party’s cash?

Me too!!
I thought, oh god he’s a bigamist now 🤭
Sorry OP