feel forced out of role and don’t know what to do

[Workhelplease]

I sound pathetic but am at breaking point and don’t know what to do.

am in a very senior role, in typically a male dominated environment and clash massively with a male peer. Have tried v hard to manage this in a number of ways. Am not the only one who has an issue with him. I’m more introvert, he (imo) is confident and extremely arrogant.

he has minimised me, embarrassed me and now assumed the position of a more senior role - internally and externally -largely by communicating this himself to peers.

my management recognise this but he is every much viewed as a golden boy of the business by exec level (largely from taking everyone else’s credit)

something happened today which has triggered me to point of a panic attack.

HR won’t really be any help - I know this from politics. Of course I can raise a grievance but will definitely not be upheld.

if I resign with no job to go to, I’m worried about finances ( mortgage etc). Industry is rife with job cuts also.

if I take sick leave, feel will worsen problem as god knows what narrative will be.

if I leave to go to another job, am worked he will trash talk me in an industry where people know each other.

I’m very confident in my ability and can prove my worth but I’m a shell of myself these days. My confidence is shot, I’m failing at presentations. I’m not sleeping. I feel ill the whole time.

dh is frustrated as says is only work.

please can anyone help me find a way to cope and also to improve things.

thanks

How about a career coach? They can help you with your CV if you choose to move on, but also help with strategies to manage your current situation

I think you need to stand up to this man. He sounds like a bully. Remind the company how amazing you are. Get propranolol or something for the presentations and absolutely show them you are great. Don't be forced out by a bully. Keep a record of things he does.

Thanks all. Have taken a few hours off this morning just to relax. Really appreciate all advice.

@Workhelplease It sounds like you have three options:

• Stay and hope it gets better
• Stay, take some time out and then hope it gets better
• Apply for another job and leave

Reading between the lines I think (understandably) you've become really hyperfocussed on what people think of you.

Lots of people take sick leave, you could be off for any reason and he and others do not need to know why.

In your shoes, I'd be taking a couple of weeks off to really regroup and refresh, booking in a counsellor to work through some of these issues, and then applying to some new roles.

It sounds like a horrendous situation, and extracting yourself from it and this man is the path of least resistance and stress. I don't think it's 'right that you have to do so, but with the current way you're feeling I think it will be a very very hard slog to ever get used to having to work alongside this guy and be able to cope with what he's like.

I was in this scenario a while ago. This is what I did:

1. I went to industry specific events - talked, built networks outside of my organisation, said yes when I was asked to give speeches / talks about my subject.
2. Did my job to the best of my ability and took notes when the nasty man insulted me and kept a full diary of everything he said. This confused and scared him. I said I just wanted to make sure I’d captured all the ‘feedback’ he was providing to me.
3. I began to manage up. I ignored the dick and asked my manager how I could help with his priorities and then deprioritised all the meetings with the dick head - even delegating them to juniors in my team.
4. After doing the above for a few months I developed a really strong reputation internally and externally. Then I began to look for new work. Found a new, more senior job within months. I then raised a grievance with the dickhead while handing my notice & handed over the diary of comments the guy had made. He wasn’t sacked or demoted but eventually pushed ‘sideways’ and out of sight of senior accountability & eventually left the industry altogether

I would also look at a career coach, to coach you for interviews.