House regret

[Historyofsnow]

Has anyone here had house regret that never went away?
we bought this house because it was much bigger and had potential to be a nice family home. We were desperate to get out of our previous house for various reasons so I didn’t care as much as I should have. I loved this house before moving in but since I just don’t like it here. It needs so much work the previous family lied about. It has years and years of dirt and grime everywhere, nicotine stains, dog accident stains, the full works. I assumed they’d had cleaned it professionally. I can’t get on top of any of it with children, I haven’t got anyone to help me and I feel so overwhelmed all I have done is cry. I miss my old house and wish we could go back.
now to make matters worse, I had an incident with the neighbour directly opposite, but I didn’t know they were a neighbour until I saw her today pull up in the car.
i was driving home from work last night, the roads were clear but suddenly there was a car behind me sitting on my bumper with a very angry woman driving. I shook my head and slowed down hoping she’d overtake but she stayed on my bumper, I felt the cars touch. When we got to traffic lights she got out of the car and began shouting at me, calling me names and threatening to hit me and drive my car off the road leaving me for dead. In shock I didn’t react and ignored her. She didn’t stop shouting at me until the lights changed then she got back in her car and drove away. It left me shaken up. I couldn’t get the reg number as she was so close the whole time but today I see the car and her and like shit luck she lives opposite me. They are known as a rough family who cause trouble and start fights so admittedly I’m scared. I have small children. She is bound to see me soon and recognise me. I don’t know if she will continue and try to make our lives hell. This has made the whole situation much worse as I feel trapped here and now scared to go outside incase I bump into this neighbour. If I report her I’m worried about what she’ll do.
Can anyone share positive stories?

We moved a couple of months ago and still haven't started painting!

Our removal company was stopped and taken to a weighbridge en route to the new house, found to be overweight and made to unload half our stuff.

He refused to pick it up for two weeks

When he finally did, he demanded payment in full, plus extra, before delivered and claimed this was his policy (not what he told my husband previously). When we refused he held our stuff ransom.

When we finally got it, stuff was damaged and a couple of things missing.

I organized the kitchen this week (moved in early Jan).

It takes time, and you have to do it in bits. Don't try and take on everything at once.

I’m glad it’s not just me, but it’s nice knowing many of you eventually settled and felt at home.
UnravellingTheWorld oh that’s really shit of them, I’d take it further and get compensation!
I just meant I’ve been told what sort of person she is and things she has done so she’s definitely not the sort of person to be worried about police or anything like that. I fully believe she would follow through on her threats hence why I’m nervous about her seeing me and taking it too far. I’m new to the area so I don’t know anyone yet and this has put a downer on it knowing I’ve essentially got an ‘enemy’ for no reason.

The other option is - sometimes facing our fears rather than living with them. As much as it will kill you inside/terrify you, you could bite the bullet and nip round to her. Say you're sorry if you've done something that's upset her re driving incident but don't want to get off on the wrong foot as new neighbours. Drop a cheap bottle of plonk round or something (or write a card and leave on doorstep if you can't face her!)
At least then you've tried and done all you can to resolve a situation that could escalate and appeal to her better nature??
Some people are just vile by nature and will find problems no matter what - but by being the bigger person it could potentially diffuse things and she may calm down/ start afresh.
Not that you should have to do this as you weren't in the wrong - but maybe if it's worrying you - a nice small gesture may ease future tensions and she'll be pleasant when she next sees you? She may even say thankyou, or god forbid - apologise!! Just a thought!

Gosh isn't this just normal house move stuff - we moved into a real doer upper - the previous owners left so much furniture behind we had to hire a skip in order to get our stuff in. We did approx one room a year - everyone nowadays wants everything perfect straight away - life isn't like that.

having a hellish altercation with your aggressive neighbour on day 4? “normal”. Maybe your normal but not mine!

no, not the neighbour stuff. definitely not normal but the decor and general need for intensive clean and update, totally normal.

It needs so much work the previous family lied about. It has years and years of dirt and grime everywhere, nicotine stains, dog accident stains, the full works. I assumed they’d had cleaned it professionally.

Well look, none of that is the 'fault' of the previous owners, exactly. You viewed it, you saw the condition of it, you wanted it anyway. I'm not sure how the previous owners 'lied' exactly, but there is no law that says you must declare every last hidden maintenance job that needs doing. Surveys will pick up major issues, the rest is down to you to be vigilant and thorough in viewings and make your offer to reflect what you find.

It's basic good manners for people to make an effort to clean properly before they move out, but it's certainly not a legal requirement or even a common assumption that they will get a thorough professional clean. Whenever I've moved my house is always left like a new pin but I have rarely found the same effort put in with the house I am buying.

yes

but that struck me as a side issue rather than her genuine fear about the neighbour!

added to which no bloomin way have i ever moved anywhere that was It needs so much work the previous family lied about. It has years and years of dirt and grime everywhere, nicotine stains, dog accident stains, the full works

It needs so much work the previous family lied about. It has years and years of dirt and grime everywhere, nicotine stains, dog accident stains, the full works

surely that was all their when you viewed OP??

This. Sorry but you were incredibly naïve to think they'd have their house cleaned for you? The only requirement is to leave it vacant, but even that is barely enforceable. Just focus on what you can do. And the neighbour situation isn't ideal, but she may not recognise you. Nothing you can do anyway. And what did the previous owners lie about? If work needs doing, that should be fairly obvious.

Couldn't stop myself window twitching though as I’m worried about bumping into the neighbour. I’d like to think she’d forget and move on but based on many things I expect this to be a war she will continue.

Well you've learnt a lot about her and her family in four days, I'll give you that.

We moved in almost 18 months ago. We still have boxes of things to put away. It took me until a few weeks ago to feel at home, but that was down to two things.

1. External pressures with work, now sorted but it was horribly stressful and kicked off literally the week after moving in.

1. The state of the house. It wasn't immediately obvious the previous owners hadn't cleaned anything for years until we moved in and saw the grime marks around where the many pictures had been hung on the wall. The house also only has 1 set of plug points in each room, we didn't see this as their furniture hid it, the toilet was broken (they lied about this) and nothing was clean.

It has taken a good while to get thigs clean, we had to wash the walls a couple of times before we could repaint as they were sticky in parts. Electrician is coming back next week to finish off putting in the new plugs.

it takes time to feel at home somewhere, especially if all you can see is evidence of the clarty previous owners. But you will make it your own, all the good things that made you want to buy it are still there.

In terms of the neighbour, I would ignore. Stop borrowing worry. You are beginning to make yourself anxious about them, and you can stop that now. Stop expecting to be scared by them. Or expecting them to abuse you. It will drive you mad. You are setting yourself up as a victim of crimes that have not been committed. Focus on the inside of your house first and foremost.

Why were you desperate to get away from your last house OP? Do you suffer from anxiety about things in general? Admittedly the neighbour was awful, but given where she lives, escalating it by a report to the police after just one incident might just set the tone for the rest of the time you live there. Try to relax and put it down to experience. She's an arsehole but don't let her live rent free in your head.

Are you sure you didn’t stop a bit suddenly so she crashed into you? It’s easy to get scared when someone is tailgating you. Nobody died, just forget about it, don’t work yourself up into a panic about some sort of revenge campaign.

I’m struggling a bit op; there is no reason for her to be an enemy, you can put things behind you, and move on. Before this you said it was a war. And I don’t see how the previous family lied you must have viewed the house, and who is telling you what sort of person she is, you’ve only just moved there at the weekend,

im also wondering if there is maybe an anxiety or some sort of issue? Why were you desperate to get out of the last house?

When we moved just under 3 years ago DH and I had major regrets for a bit. We left our old house immaculate with flowers and a letter saying when bin day was, neighbour names etc.

The home we moved into, which appeared immaculate on viewing was unclean, there were holes in the walls where blinds had been taken down, broken blinds, unfinished skirting which had been hidden by furniture, the oven was filthy, a leak had been bodged in one room and started again, a leak in the ceiling was evident having been temporarily patched up with tissue paper, there was so much builders rubbish in the garden I've only just got it down to the last few fence panels, I could go on.

BUT, several dump runs, new windows, a new boiler and room by room redecoration later and I absolutely love this house. Maybe I wouldn't have bought it knowing how expensive the first year would be but I'm so glad I didn't know and this is where we are now!

However the neighbour thing would shake me up too and I'm not sure what the best course of action is for that

Try to forget about the incident with the woman and her car. She was in the wrong if she ran into the back of you. Assuming no damage, just forget it and if you see her in the street don’t acknowledge her.

As to the cleaning, get on to a cleaning company and get someone to come for a couple of days to help you get a deep clean done, it will be well worth the money and will set you on a path to keep on top of it going forwards.

I’m sure you will settle in soon - here are some flowers for you 💐