Concerned over teenager not in education.

[User36362537363344]

if you tell me to mind my own business, I’ll take it but hear me out please. I believe it’s the law for under 18’s to be in some form of education or apprenticeship etc? I’m much older and it was not compulsory then but the vast majority went to sixth form or college including myself.

I have a 16 year old sister who is 17 soon. Left school last year and started college in sept 23, didn’t like it and left after a week, personally I believe she was too quick to jack it in. My mother and stepfather have made no effort to encourage her to do anything else. She doesn’t even do anything around the house or even looked at a job. She’s s bright girl, it seems like she’s rotting in her bedroom all day. There is no neurodivergence or any mental health issues to blame, honestly just lazy - there I’ve said it. They have been to meetings somewhere but they bullshitted that my sister went to work with parents but that is a lie but it means they aren’t being pressurised for her to do something. I feel like her parents are too blame here for never encouraging anything, they were similar with my other sibling who’s got little work ethic now in their twenties. They’ve never been pushed or encouraged. Not that I think parents should be too pushy but there needs to be a middle ground. I feel she’s going to have no confidence or people skills etc. she has friends but doesn’t see them that often now.

I’m not sure what the point of this post is but I’m just concerned and wanted to moan. I’ve not got the closeness to them where I can say anything as I don’t want to intrude but I am very worried. Not to say it has to be academic or college but there are many other options!

are there any implications of not staying in education until 18?!

I have children myself, including a teenager and I am sure I’d go crazy if they were home doing nothing after they left school!

Main implication is financial if your parents receive any benefit that's dependent on your sister being in full time education, like child benefit.

I agree with you that she needs to be doing something. You don't build self esteem sitting in your bedroom. Unfortunately this is the point at which young people can slip through the cracks.

Can you have a chat to your sister about what else she might like to try? There are some great courses out there. They're free as long as she completes them by 19 so essentially she gets an extra year to gain some sort of level 3 qualification.

I too would be concerned but not sure who you'd flag it up with.

How's your relationship with your sister? Could you get in touch, take her out for lunch or something and try to offer the guidance she needs?

Thanks both. Not on bad terms with her but due to the big age gap and her having my other sibling somewhat closer in age we aren’t close. I have kids not much younger than her.

I never thought about the child benefit aspect. I may mention it as my mother is the type of person who wouldn’t tell them or would ‘forget’!

She ought to be in education or on an apprenticeship, but in reality there's not a lot anyone in authority can do if the parents are enabling her. Sooner or later they will get tired if supporting her financially, and/or she will get tired of living at home.

Who would you expect to pressurise them? It may be ‘law’ but there’s no actual sanctions AFAIK if someone isn’t in education/training. It means, as pp said parents can’t claim CB and the young person can’t claim benefits (though I think that was stopped for under-18s years ago unless very exceptional circumstances).

What is she interested in? What was her course? I wrote on another thread recently how I was kind of pushed into A levels, which just weren’t for me.

I'm a foster carer and the amount of times I have taken children into my care who haven't even attended school is shocking. They are deregistered and then left to do as they please. Last child told us someone from education welfare came out, mother gave some crap about websites and had bought a couple of books. The education welfare just accepted this and they were never contacted again. This child was out of education between the ages of 13 to 15. And there's nothing anyone can do to force a parent to comply and send them to school. They completely flew under the radar and as a result any abuse they were suffering wasn't picked up by professionals like teachers etc.

I'm not saying home Ed isn't a good thing but it's shocking that these children don't seem to be checked upon.

I took my own dd to a careers event recently. She's about to take GCSEs but honestly has no idea what she wants to do and was being quite lacklustre about it all. Going to this event actually got her interested in her opportunities. Would your sister maybe agree to go to one with you?.

It’s one of those rules that sound good but isn’t being implemented in reality.

There probably aren’t enough post spaces / apprenticeships to educate all 16 - 18 years olds so doubt they will get chased up.
The child benefit is an issue of your mum hasn’t declared she’s no longer in education.

Try to get her to college open evenings - but I would say she needs taken ,chivvied and helped. Her confidence and ability to mix is prob low.

Can you build a relationship with her? Ask her round to yours for pizza, a movie with nieces/ nephews? She is your sister, and if you do something now, it might make a big difference for all of you.