Depression. When someone refuses to take any help, advice please.

[Brandnewskytohangyourstarsupon]

Family member, early 20’s.
second bout of what looks like severe depression with suicidal thoughts.

I am desperately worried that we are going to lose them to suicide.
First time saw GP took ADs for about 8 weeks, didn’t help so stopped them.
Rang a help line, private health insurance. Was promised a call back on a day that week. Call never came.

Now has been to GP for sick note.
Offered minds matter help line number, has access to 2 different MH trained lifelines.
Refuses. Doesn’t want to talk to anyone, medication doesn’t help, doesn’t want anything or anyone.

What can we do?

he sounds like someone who would be benefit from being sectioned for his own safety

that sounds really tough, can you contact these health lines for advice on their behalf? . I'd keep in touch with the young Person everyday through messanger or WhatsApp send links to the MH charities randomly. I really hope they manage to get through the other side.

You can’t just have people sectioned though can you? People are sent to the other side of the country as there are no beds and resources are so appalling for people with MH.
They have access to good quality mh support that is available today/now but won’t access it or accept it is there for them.
Do you think it would be ok for me to ring the number and ask for guidance?

Cross posts!

absolutely ring the number.

no you can't

my father was sectioned on the basis of his GP and SW.

Yes call the helpline.

Can you keep pushing to go back to GP and try different meds?? From what I read on here it's a massive trial and error situation so there's loads more options.

Medication could still help. Not all types of antidepressants help everybody. Sometimes it's a case of trial and error until one is found that works.

Chase up the GP. You can call them yourself and explain.
Arrange appointment and offer to go with them for support.
Chase up the private health insurance. Keep pestering til you get help.

Have they voiced suicidal thoughts ?
A&E if they have and will go.

If you feel they are a danger to self then police as last resort.

I agree with you OP, mental health support in the uk is appalling.

Absolutely no to A&E. A dog is treated better on the street than A&E. Will not go and I won’t subject them to that kind of utter utter dog shit neglect. ( personal and recent experience)

Not when there are so many other options available.
I know there are different meds, it’s a try and see, they will not listen to this reasoning.

It’s so so hard.

Totally with you on this one. I have been in your position and it's horrendous. I used to get so angry with the constant messages in the media about checking in on your friends and loved ones. Asking if they are ok. But no advice as to what to do if they're not!

When I was really in the thick of it I called a mental health crisis team who told me to take the person to A and E. How was I supposed to do that if they refused to go? Carry them there under my arm?

No advice I'm afraid I rode it out over a loooonnng period of time. The person concerned has gradually improved - still not great and we're back to me providing support where I can whilst still constantly trying to encourage them to seek counselling etc. So down from red alert to yellow alert for now - fingers crossed this continues.

It doesn't help that on the few occasions I actually managed to get them to suffering front of a counsellor/mental help specialist the treatment they received ranged from mediocre/unhelpful to so bad it was downright dangerous. Letter of complaint went to GP for that one. I got told the patient themselves would have to follow this up. That would be the patient who could barely function, who you left sobbing outside the surgery, who I had to rescue.

You can probably sense my anger.

Sitting in front of not suffering front of

Rang the number, 9-10 month waiting list unable to advise around the language I should use to persuade them to talk to someone. Admin only, not clinically trained so can’t help.

So yes Wicker, agree, it’s just shit.

It just needs to be one, really good person on the end of a phone line that can draw them in. From there, the help can come in whatever form my relative needs. It will open up the possibilities for treating and showing that depression lies and is temporary and is treatable.

I’m trying to think what would help as someone who has been in that position. Honestly, I think they have to want to get better themselves. It’s not really something you can do for them.

But recovery is possible, 100%. Maybe finding stories of people who have recovered. ( look up be here tomorrow)

Perhaps focusing on something you can do together for others - some kind of volunteering? Something creative is very therapeutic - planting some seeds and nurturing them. Watching them grow and change each day. Getting them to focus on others and the external world rather than on their own suffering.

There isn't really a lot you can do. You can't help someone who can't engage. As someone who has been there, just keep supporting and comforting and wait.

At some point they will have a brief spell of trying to save themselves which you can take advantage of. The proverbial drowning person realising they're sinking and trying to pull themselves up. That's the moment to chuck them the hypothetical ring and try and get them to seek treatment.

I was just thinking that this morning. It’s like they are drowning, only just keeping their face out of the water, gasping for air but becoming tired, the pull to sink and give up is overwhelming.

I feel hopeless as much as they do. Almost resigned to the fact that they are going to go. Soon. Just be gone.