Unhappy with (home) life

[PearlHedgehog]

I’m a single mum to a 9 year old and work full time in a job that I enjoy. At the moment, the only enjoyment I get is from work and, unlike most people, I dislike coming home from and doing the whole evening routine of dinner, bath and bed. I don’t have any family and can count on one hand how many friends I have. I recently had a falling out with people from work, so I don’t even have the social contact with them outside work any more. I feel really low and can’t see the point in anything…

I feel guilt towards my child because I just don’t enjoy them as much as I feel I should. It’s just a chore, and I know that I’ll probably look back and regret feeling like this in future. I was seeing someone which brought me some excitement and happiness but even that’s ended now, and I feel like have no identity outside my job. I don’t have any hobbies where I could meet people, and can’t think of anything that I’d like to do.

I feel stuck.

Can anyone advise or relate?

Is this a constant feeling by, or does it come and go?

Does your day-to-day change much, or is it very routine?

Two things stand out to me.

1. You sound lonely and stuck in a rut. It’s totally normal not to enjoy parenthood at times and the battle to get kids to do their bit and stick to routines, without constant reminders. Especially when you’ve had a long day at work and you’re doing the parenting by yourself. Are there ways you could change up the routine a bit to enjoy it more together? Or have some gadget time, to give you both a break from each other for a while?
2. You’re struggling to maintain social relationships. Are you aware of any reasons why you have a small amount of friends and also what part you may have had with the falling out with colleagues? As a single parent, are you getting out much by yourself? Could you hire a babysitter and make a date to go out with a friend or two?

I’ve felt this way for quite a while now. I’m very much an introvert in the sense that I don’t really enjoy busy, overcrowded venues. However, I definitely crave social interaction which I think is why I enjoy work so much. Unfortunately where I work can be quite a toxic office environment and the people I thought were friends, proved not to be. It’s been a hard lesson. Outside of work, I guess I tend not to put myself out there so much. I kind of hide away and enjoy the solitude whilst also craving company and attention. I feel like such a contradiction!

Are you able to do nice things with your DC so that your brain associates them with fun not just drudgery (as in do you have time/funds for treat time?)
That may also link in with more social things

I do understand where you’re coming from. You’d at the very least like to have the option of social interaction, but as you haven’t got many natural connections, it would take some energy to build up some relationships and nurture them, which is more interaction than you want.

Would some play dates be an option with a couple of school mums, where you could meet for a coffee and play? These tend to start pretty casually and if you find a good match, you can organise follow up play dates and if not, you don’t have to continue to meet up.

I think it is very hard to find new friends working full time though money is vital so most have no choice.

The primary years are also very repetitive even for people who are married.

Do you think the colleague you fell out with will blow over in time? That would soften the blow a bit.

You may find a friendly single parent or two through work. You never know who may join.

I hope things improve for you.

When my ds was young I went to a single parents group. You could take along the children. singlewithkids.co.uk plus Netmums does have a meet a mum section. May be worth a whirl. No babysitter needed either. Look into those and find other fellow single parents.

It is also rough without family support. I had this too. Though the primary years luckily I had my aunt over the phone who had been widowed early in life and understood many areas.

@PearlHedgehog what’s missing from your posts is any indication of a life outside the house with your child.

Do you not do things with them? You can’t be at work all the time? And nine year olds are so much fun to go about with, eager and curious and still happy to be seen with you. I don’t quite see how you can lead a solitary life between their school life, their social life and your shared leisure activities with them.