Just had a complete meltdown

[BasinHaircut]

Just had a complete meltdown because I just cannot cope with the amount of things that I seem to be responsible for and having to pick up everyone’s slack.

I feel under constant pressure and I am just exhausted. Someone always wants something from me and if I want a break I have to work twice as hard beforehand just so I don’t return to chaos. There is no one to pick up my slack. I can’t even sit on the sofa without the fucking cat wanting to sit on me.

i am fucking exhausted.

Is this life?

Is it all the time? Do you get any breaks? Is this work or homelife?
It is life I guess, we have responsibilities. Just drop or stagger things that are too much.

Oh god I totally get this. Down to bloody cats coming to me for attention as soon as I get a chance to sit down! Just wish everyone would leave me alone from time to time!

I think it is life, it's been this way for years and no sign of any way off the treadmill. Either working ten hours a day, or in the few hours I'm not it's sorting out school admin/washing, picking one or the other up from clubs, hanging round the fecking playground waiting for clubs to finish for one or the other, tidying the kitchen etc. Mine won't even sleep in their own beds reliably and they sleep horizontally so I have them kicking me all night too. I can't even go the loo in the night without the littlest crying if I try to sneak out of bed. Meh.

I have started to wake up at 5am for a bit of me time and I have a long commute so on office days I get that time to myself too. Helps a bit.

💖 You've explained it so well, this is just how I feel too. 😢 Too exhausted to see the wood for the trees or possibly work out a solution. Sending hugs.

Keep crying, so tired. I dragged myself to a gym class earlier as it does help me but once that wore off I just got back in bed. Got to psyche myself up to get up and go pick DS up soon. Feel like my ears are constantly ringing from the swirling of my brain.

Got the day off work today fortunately as it’s actually my birthday. Not sure how I would have functioned in the office otherwise.

Feel like this has been building for some time but I think I might be having a breakdown or something.

Sorry to hear this @BasinHaircut. Happy Birthday 🎂.

Could you make an appointment to have a chat with your GP?

I totally hear you. It feels like this feeling will never end - at home & at work 😔

Hope you feel better soon OP & actually get to enjoy your birthday in some way.

Same here, run my own business so if I don't work there's no money, I do 90% of school runs, nearly all home admin, washing, cleaning etc etc my OH is great and does his fair share when he's home, but he works one full time job 5 days a week, & 3 evenings, so I want to make sure he doesn't burn out too 😞 Unfortunately with mortgage rises, bills & kids, we've got to keep going to keep the wolves from the door so to speak. The odd evening we have some chill time, we usually end up falling asleep... I think I've resigned myself to this is how it is for the next 10 yrs, we have no help from family, we're not 'golden' enough for them, and they show no interest in us anyway, let alone offering to take DC for a couple of hrs, so we just have to keep going, is bloody shattering tho

To be honest, if you worked for me I'd be suggesting you got signed off for a bit by your GP, give yourself some down time as much as possible.

Feel really sorry for you OP! The worst thing I think is when you'l feel like you're having a breakdown but no distinct cataclysmic moment happens...you just keep going on.

I can only suggest it sounds like you definitely need a break urgently. Either time off work or arrange someone to look after your kids and start spending longer in the gym for a while. you just need some regular time to give your brain some silence

Happy Birthday!

I lie in the bath to give my brain a break and escape. Still the bloody cats try to break down the door then sit in the towels and climb into the side of the bath.

I work from home so never really escape.

I dream of a solo break somewhere. Or just lying in a sleep chamber for a weekend.

I hope you feel better soon. Bully yourself into taking more time out if you can - and not feeling bloody guilty about it.

And see your GP as PPs suggest.

Thanks all❤

I have spoken to my line manager via text who has told me to take tomorrow off as a minimum.

I think that I am perimenopausal and I’m also awaiting a thyroid biopsy. There are definitely hormones at play here. This is the third time this has happened to me in the past 6 months where I have felt out of control like this. I have already been to the GP about it but I’m only 41 and so they haven’t really taken me very seriously so far.

I am feeling slightly better now - 24 hours on from my meltdown.

@BasinHaircut This could have been me. HRT has been such a godsend for me but I appreciate that at 41, they're not as willing to hand it over as they were with me at 46.

I think the reality is that we ARE all overwhelmed. So you don't say if you have a DP but I have had to be very specific with DP about him stepping up on certain things so that I don't have to think about them. My brain literally can't cope with all the things in there.

@JonVoightBaddyWhoGrowls DH has just had to contend with another meltdown.

He does try and he does do his share as best he knows how but what he doesn’t understand is how what he does or doesn’t do plays in to how I’m feeling.

For example he is currently ‘trying to give me some space’ but what that ultimately means is that he ignores me, so I feel like I’m being punished and that adds to the crushing weight that I feel is on top of me all of the time. I try to explain that to him and he gets annoyed that I am accusing him of punishing me and strops off and sulks - which again, feels like him punishing me.

Trying to make him understand how I am feeling just feels like more fucking work for me TBH and I have told him he needs to not focus on doing the things that he feels like I’ll tell him off if he doesn’t do (like vacuuming or putting the bins out for example) and treating it like some sort of checklist of ‘his’ jobs, but looking at the wider picture of who needs what, what needs to be done.

So much of what women do is bloody invisible though.

I get it. I really really do. It's so frustrating. If he's giving you space, what is he doing so that you can enjoy that space or are you just sitting there stressing about the 500 things you're NOT doing because you're having "a break"? Overall, things here are much better (see below) but there are still moments when I want to scream - eg DH insisting I have a little lie in this morning but as a result, DS nearly went off to school without the right books, he didn't take his meds and if I hadn't reminded him, DD wouldn't have had her school snack....

I wrote a letter to DH at one point. We (well, let's be honest here, I) were in the middle of trying to get to the bottom of DS's challenges, there was a lot going on etc etc and I felt like I was having to micro manage EVERYTHING and that unless I specifically said to DH "do this thing, in this way, at this time" nothing happened AND that he would then be resentful because I was in a mood and/or telling him what to do. So I sat down and wrote a letter. And I said at the very top that I was writing this because if I tried to talk to him, I'd just get upset and he'd get defensive.

It did help and it started a cascade of him stepping up more on stuff like this. There were a few moments in between, of course, but it was a step in the right direction. And me actively handing over responsibility for things.

If you can't get HRT yet, have you considered the coil? I have a few friends who have gone that route and said it has helped.

@JonVoightBaddyWhoGrowls

insisting I have a little lie in this morning but as a result, DS nearly went off to school without the right books, he didn't take his meds and if I hadn't reminded him, DD wouldn't have had her school snack....

oh god this is literally what happened here this morning. Plus being woken up to the arguement about how long DS had been in the shower for.

I have tried explaining how much WORK it is trying to get far enough in front that I can actually relax. Even if it’s just making a physical list (because I know if I relay it verbally it will get forgotten, god forbid DH would think to make his own list) of things such as ‘you need to wash DS’s gym kit on x day because he needs it again on x day’. Or just knowing when your break is done there is going to be SOOOOO much to catch up on that the break was pointless.

I have my next consult appointment regarding my thyroid next week and have a blood test on Monday to look at my FSH levels so they are the next steps I guess.

TBH I have suspected I might be low level depressed for several years and self medicate with a good diet, lots of exercise and have been wading through. Something has caused a ramping up and need to get to the bottom of whether it’s thyroid or perimenopause related, or something else, or a combination.

thanks for the support, it does help to know others can relate

I think it's almost always a combination of things. Which is why it's so hard to deal with. If your FSH levels were off the chart - easy, HRT, solved. But they probably won't be. Maybe just slightly off or even, on the surface, okay. Ditto everything else. But together, it's too much.

I think handing over responsibilities, rather than tasks, can be quite difficult but it is also worth the effort. eg, DH is responsible for football now. It has taken us a while for him to understand that this means he can't ask ME if it's 'okay if he takes an extra shift on a Saturday ... ie, asking ME to then handle figuring out logistics for football for DS while simultaneously managing DD's gymnastics. But we are there now - if he wants to take an extra shift, HE has to figure out what will happen with DS. Even if that means that he then tells me that I have to drop DD, fetch DS, get back for DD and then go fetch DS etc, that's fine. But I'm not thinking about it. HE can be the one to give ME a list.

He's also responsible for all sports kit. Sometimes, that means kit isn't necessarily washed on time. But it's no longer my problem and both him and the kids know that they can't ask me WHY something hasn't been done. Again, if I'm doing washing, and there's sports kit in there, I will absolutely do it. But I'm not thinking about it anymore. Ever.

On Mothers day, my treat was not to have to do or think about anything. For the first time, this genuinely did work. From feeding the pets to lunch for DD - I didn't have to think about any of it. (he was always willing to DO it, but I had to tell him what to do. it was relentless).

Sidebar: Dh gets a lot more sex these days.... It's amazing how NOT having to treat him like a child has improved my sex drive.

DH and I haven’t had sex since August. This is due to a combination of both my MH and feeling like I have literally nothing to give, and also I do not find it attractive to have to mother someone. I blurted this all out in a teary rant this morning.

DH doesn’t seem to be able to get the balance between taking on responsibility for something and cutting me completely out of the loop on things I still need to know, or still relating every little detail back to me, effectively still making it part of my mental load.

for example he got the info on the holiday camps through but did nothing with it (so DS missed out) but when getting quotes for the car insurance gives me a play by play and keep telling me he hasn’t sorted it yet (therefore I keep having to ask him whether he has done it as he has form for just not following all the way through).

If there is something that he is supposed to be doing and I wait and wait to remind him, he is always ‘just about to do it’ whether I’ve waited minutes, hours, days or weeks for him to get it done.