No Love 😔

[NoLoveNoLove]

I don’t want to give too much detail. In case I’m attacked. After all, it’s MN: it happens! Posting this feels risky, but what’s to lose?

I had an awful Mother’s Day. Pretended with my own awful mother. And my adult son, who I love, just fucked up again, no effort as usual. He has underlying issues I believe, but it’s still a terrible feeling for me.

So, I started spontaneously crying this lunchtime. And in the middle of it, I realised “NO LOVE”, just no real care or love (in my life).

ps I’m not normally like this.

Don’t even know what I want from this thread. I could call the Samaritans just to cry it out. But I’m not suicidal; just in a lot of pain.

It also made me wonder - how little love there is in the world for some of us 😢. Maybe some people don’t concern themselves with such thoughts. Or love feels different for different people, for some it’s more simple, straightforward or they’re just lucky? Maybe I’m just bloody unlucky. I don’t know.

Maybe I should have put this in Relationships? I don’t know.

Sons can often be so inconsiderate and self absorbed. You need to be OK with showing yourself some love! Either go out for a treat meal with him to show him it's a nice thing to do or go with friends. I bet some of them will be feeling the same way! Good luck with something lovely coming your way 💕

Sorry you had a shit day op. I’m sure you’re not alone. People are selfish and unthinking and hurtful.

The key question though, is do you love yourself? If not, that’s the place to start.

It won’t change the people around you, but it will significantly change how you deal with them as individuals and ultimately how you feel about life.

I'm so sorry for your upset and pain, it does sound all encompassing.

Mothers' Day really can magnify what other people (say they) have and there's such a lot of competition between women.

What happens in your normal life, on non-'special' days? Do you have nice times with your mum and your son? Ever? If your mum is really awful then try to limit the time you have with her, just do the bare minimum that will 'get it done' whilst holding onto your own sanity.

Regarding your son, whatever issues he has, there's a standard code of behaviour that children have to follow and especially if he lives with you. That's not buying presents and filling in cards but being a decent human being and considerate and respectful of you. What would you need to tell him to get him to do that? What does he do for you (if anything)? What do you do for him? I would have no problem in laying it out on the line so that he doesn't get to treat you with disrespect and still have you doing everything for him.

What about friends? Do you have real life friends who you can meet up with sometimes for a coffee and a moan?

Have and for now. More posters will come on with good advice for you.

Thank you. You’ve all been very loving and sweet (ironic). I can’t really share with the couple of friends I do have - I think they’’d struggle relating to the overwhelming level of pain, and anyway I wouldn’t inflict my tears on them.

I have a rather timid and cool, self-absorbed cat (wouldn’t you know it!) - but even she appeared on my bedside this morning to be purry and make contact. It’s a pretty basic thing?

My son doesn’t live with me but not far. I’ve just struggled for several years to have a relationship with him but the effort is pretty much one way (and I’m really a relaxed mum, no pressure ever), and yet he’s also been unconsciously horrible to me (but doesn’t see it because of his issues). However it’s still painful for me).

Oh well today’s a write-off. (Maybe some healing and 🍰 tomorrow. 🍷 today probably. But so sad about my son).

I'm a firm believer that love has to be balanced otherwise it becomes a one-sided vacuum.

Pull back with your mum - and perhaps also with your son. The more that you run around trying to make people (who are holding back), happy, the less they have to do and the more obvious it becomes to you that you are doing the lion's share.

Don't write your friends off to talk this through with, maybe blow away the cobwebs with a good cry first before you see them, and then just talk to them. I doubt very much that anybody had a perfect mothers' day yesterday, it's a hyped event on which so much emphasis is placed. It's the other days that matter.

Give your cat a scritch and a treat and focus on you today, have a walk? Enjoy your wine and cake and make sure you get some sleep. People seriously underestimate the importance of it.

The worst of days still only lasts 24 hours... see what tomorrow brings and help it along if you can.

I hear you @LyingWitchInTheWardrobe .

However just for clarification - I’m not a runaround doormat. Just a normal, loving woman. It’s also not about Mother’s Day, it’s just another example.

But yeah, cake 🍰 and vino, and hoping better tomorrow. I did have a “go” at my son about it, but it feels a bit pointless when there’s no foundation of love (he can’t seem to show it); just made us both feel bad oh well! It seems for some of us life is all messed up…

Sons can often be so inconsiderate and self absorbed., as can anyone.

Sorry you had such a miserable Mothers Day NoLoveNoLove.