Friends with an ex?

[funkyspunk]

Possible or impossible?

Reasons?

Depends on the circumstances- married not married, kids, how did it end, how is the ex with the current partner. Loads of factors but personally it’s a no from me no matter what.

I’m not friends with any of my exes and have no desire to be

Nope. There’s an imbalance of feelings 99% of the time.

I'm friends with one, but we were young and there was no ill feeling. That's it tho!

I am. We went out for six weeks when I was 18. We’ve now been friends for 25 years since then. We’ve both been single during that period and never rekindled (or been tempted to!). Very common amongst my friends.

My DH of 25yrs met someone else. He and OW have now been married 15yrs. It took a fair few years of hard work (certainly on my part) but we now the kind of friends who can turn to each other in a family crisis and I actually like his wife.

I've seen too many families, and individuals, torn apart by bitterness to allow myself to go down that route.

Perfectly possible. My brother and my ex-SIL are great friends now they aren't married to each other and making each other miserable.

I could be cordial in family circumstances which only happen once in a blue moon. I just don't think it's easy in some circumstances which means many can't be friends. Teen or childhood 'boyfriend' a different scanario. 2 of mine were abusive, toxic narcissists so anything other than blue moon scenarios are unwanted.

I hope I get to this stage too... it's just hard to let go of the bitterness and resentment.

I'm friends with several exes - with most of them, by 'friends' I mean we still keep each other on social media and wish each other happy birthday and such or comment on childrens' school achievements or whatever. I'm actually still friends with one, not in the sense that we see each other ever, as we both now live in different parts of the world, but dh and I were invited to his wedding, am friends with his now-wife, we do message occasionally to say happy birthday or send condolences on a death. All very above board.

I think it's perfectly fine to be friends with an ex and it's quite normal when you are in a friendship group together or you've known each other a long time. As long as it's all very transparent and there is no lingering interest on either side. In the case of my one genuine friend ex, we've been part of each others lives for a long time, neither one of us would have any interest in the other now and neither of us has any regrets about our relationship ending. I've been with my dh 16 years now, so it is very old history. We've met each others spouses. But actually he's one of the people I've known the longest in my life and it seems a shame to bin the friendship just because we don't have any romantic interest anymore. There's no secrets or drama though and our partners have always known us as being friends.

With my father of my kids yes. Great co parents, and genuinely friends. Not like hanging out just us etc but I am remarried and we are all able to hang out with the kids etc, do school things, kids sports. It’s great. It took time of course after the split but I’m very happy with what we’ve salvaged for our kids.

Yes, with pretty much all of them. (5 serious relationships as an adult. I am quite old!)
Once the disruption of the split up dies down, we've found that there was something there worth saving. They are also the kind of friends who can be scathingly honest to each other!

One in particular is an absolute darling, but we just weren't compatible living together.

I definitely don't have feelings for any of my exes. They're exes for a reason and over my dead body would I want to revisit that again, however, I've maintained decent relationships with the majority. Two are now married and that changed nothing. We still have conversations, we still check in regularly, I think because it is so pleasant now we're not together, that's why we get on! Together incompatible, friends compatible.

All depends on the reason for the break up. Long standing relationship, split because we wanted different things out of life. Still respected and loved each other. Went on holiday with our friendship group for years. Went to each other's weddings. Still regularly in touch, all good.

Exh was emotionally and financially abusive. Can't see us ever being more than civil on the occasions we have to see each other due to dc. I have neither respect or affection for him.

No I don't think so. Personally I have no desire to be friends with any of my exes. I've moved on from them and don't see the point. Even if you've moved on to a point where you see each other as purely platonic, I can't imagine any new partners are going to be fully accepting of the situation. I think it might work out if you were both friends to start and maybe dated a short time before splitting. But anything other than that, the connection is going to be based on sex or romance.

@GigiAnnna

That wouldn't be a problem because I am no longer attracted to men. I believe they conspired against me to put me off the gender (in a romantic way, I'm joking of course) 😂 ...

But that's why I feel I can get on with them now because I don't feel any pressure to be what they wanted me to be when clearly that wasn't what I genuinely wanted.

Both DH and I are either friends with or on good terms with most of our respective exs. We’ve both always agreed that we saw it as a positive in the other: it says a lot about the other’s capacity to pick good partners, to be a good partner, and to handle break ups well and with care and respect. Two of his ex partners I count among my closest friends; one of mine was one of his groomswomen. Broadly, most of our exs are just all around good, solid, interesting, talented, funny people who just weren’t right for us as partners.

Clearly it’s going to be a lot more difficult if the reasons you separated are incompatible with being in their company, but otherwise I think it’s perfectly feasible. You liked and loved and admired each other and presumably had common ground at some stage, that doesn’t necessarily disappear just because you know you don’t want to be together forever.

I'm friends with most of them. A couple I've lost contact with over the years, but mostly we're on FB/Christmas/birthday terms and a couple are good friends.

Mostly the reason we split up was because of life circumstances at the time, going in different directions. I've never been the sort to gave major raging arguments. I have met some lovely men over the years, and I'm happy they're still in my life, even though we have gone on to different relationships. I'm also still in contact with some of their siblings and parents, too, as well as new partners. It's normal for me - a former fiancee of my father's came to his funeral.

I would be wary of any new partner who wasn't in touch with any of his exes. (I'm 50s, so any potential partner is likely to have had previous relationships.) It would at least imply their approach to life is quite different from mine - i know plenty of people who do lose contact with everyone at the end of their relationships. If it comes over as a narrative of mad crazy exes, that's more of a red flag. I grew up in a small town - I wonder if that is part of it. It's difficult to lose contact entirely in smaller communities and so easier to be amicable about things- though you may need some healing time first.

It’s worth working at it. I wouldn’t say I like my exes wife (the OW) but I can be civil. And I do still like (not love) him. The way I look at it is - if he’s an utter twat, what does it say about me that I fell for him? Therefore it’s in my interests to find a nice side to him. Pretty easy with mine really. He’s a good dad, for one (just a crap husband) and he’s funny and a talented musician.