Are there any apps or resources to help DS (17) with a break up, advice in general too.

[GoldenSlumber7]

DS made the difficult decision to end his relationship with his GF of a year. It’s been coming for some time, DS has not been happy felt he wanted to see her more than his GF did. It’s not been a sudden thing.

His GF seemed to take it well but then blocked him on all SM. This I believe is the best thing but this is the part DS is struggling with as even though they’ve not seen each other a great deal throughout the week due to studies etc. they’ve constantly been in touch via messages, calls etc and even though this was his decision, he’s finding this part really difficult.

This is his first experience of a break up and I’m trying my best to be an ear for him, supporting him and just letting him know I’m here if he needs me but it’s hard, even though this was his decision.

Any tips on helping, any apps out there that may help? It’s so hard, I feel hurt for both of them.

How would an app help?

He just needs to get through a break up like people have been doing since time began. You wallow for a bit, you let yourself feel sad, you make plans with friends, spend more time on a hobby. For the first few days, you want to message them all the time. After a week, you’ll want to message them a couple times a day… eventually, you stop wanting to message them. He literally just needs to go through it.

He doesn’t need an app, he needs to work through his feelings with a human , whether it be a parent, sibling or friend. It’s really hard watching your child go through it, I’ve been there recently, but it’s a part of life which just has to be worked through, there are no quick fixes

What exactly is upsetting him so much — the fact she’s deleted him from her contacts/SM? He’s the one who initiated the breakup, after all, and it sounds as if he was right to do so.

Oh … @GoldenSlumber7 … Do you really not think you, and literature, and friends, and all music through human history, and long walks, and staring at the sea, and over-indulging in chocolate brownies and beer, and getting on with daily life are enough?

I get the well-meaning part of this, but it's tragic that this is where we are...

"Is there an app for this?"

We're outsourcing our brains and emotions to anything else we can find, whereas when I was younger, it was a firm "buck up" sort of comment.

We learn from our experiences.

Introduce him to The Smiths. That should help.

He might get more from music and books, either wallowing in this generations version of REM or reading to connect with the human experience.

This kind of thing is exactly what the arts are for.

Going on his phone is avoidance really, with a risk of connecting with the worst of humanity (lots of angry men who will encourage him to blame his ex for not appreciating him).

I wish I’d never mentioned the word ‘app’ now.

Of course he’s got every ounce of our support and I’ve listened and offered advice, he’s been out with his friend etc - it’s the quiet bits in between, the messaging of a friend he obviously misses.

Don’t quite understand some of the ‘snippy’ posts tbh. I have heard of apps that can help you through as well as everything else suggested!

Fabulous! Glad you’ve amused yourself this morning!

For a moment I thought I’d posted in AIBU!

I think the op meant apps that help with someone to talk to. This offers support for teens https://www.youngminds.org.uk/young-person/shout-85258/

My daughter is going through her first heartbreak (although she is the dumpee)! It's really hard seeing your child going through such a hard time and being so upset, isn't it? Your instinct as a parent is to want to be able to make it all better. I'm holding on to the belief that it's one of life's lessons and will hopefully in time help her learn to be more resilient and able to deal with difficult emotions.

I think it's a form a grief because you've lost a relationship with someone who was really important to you. The blocking is brutal and not something we had to deal with in our day. I think it feels very final and like a rejection. She's a few weeks on now and feeling much better. I hope your son starts to feel like he's healing soon as well.

Thank you.

Dear God
As long as there have been humans there have been teenage break-ups - even before electricity!
Now you want an app to get them through it. Can't parents parent these days? Can't friends friend?

I’m so sorry your DD (and you) are going through this emotional rollercoaster too. It is so difficult isn’t it.

The blocking is brutal, it’s something DS is really struggling with.

Thank you for you kind words.

So to be brutal about it, despite him doing the breaking up, his ego is hurting because she doesn’t want to speak to him, and has taken control to make sure he doesn’t contact her. Smart girl, I wish more adults could show this maturity

OP, you have had a few harsh replies here. I am of the thinking that many of the pp do not have a teen who has just gone through their first break up. Yes, we all went through it, and moved on, but we didn't have social media and blocking and the likes added on top.

There is an app called Woebot. It is a mental health check in type app. I am not sure if it will be useful, but if it helps at all.

What hasn't changed though, is that time will heal.

Yes, the OP’s son is in a completely different situation to @Reallybadidea ’s heartbroken daughter — he broke up with his girlfriend (probably correctly if he wasn’t happy and felt they had different levels of commitment), but seems to be surprised she doesn’t want any further contact with him…? I mean, it’s hardly unexpected. Did he actually think she would continue to message him as before?

I think you’ve misread the OP — he dumped her! He’s not the dumpee.

I’m so sorry your DD

Why? Relationships break down and in the main for the better - they weren’t suited, they didn’t make each other happy, they want different things - one of them could’ve cheated - it’s not sad it’s the best thing they need to move on and find someone better and more suitable.

Stop offering sympathy - he doesn’t need that - he needs you to be strong.

If he says she’s blocked me - say that’s a good thing - beat ripping off the plaster - if she’s going out with friends then you say - good, best thing you can do -

I think you are making it worse.

Time heals.

I did not misread. It doesn't matter who dumped who. It is still a break up and OP said it was a difficult decision for him to make. Just because he broke it off doesn't mean he gets off scot free from emotions about it.

Absolutely he doesn’t, but if he’s genuinely that surprised and shocked the girl he just ditched isn’t just going to tamely message him regularly as she did when they were a couple, I think he might need to see this as a learning experience about other people’s right to protect themselves. He didn’t want to keep her as a girlfriend, probably rightly, but he doesn’t get to dictate terms afterwards.

And I do think it matters who dumps who!

There is an app called Woebot. It is a mental health check in type app. I am not sure if it will be useful, but if it helps at all.*

There's good research from academic psychology that says people who don't have a severe mental health disorder, like your son, OP, are more at risk of mental health harm by doing these kind of check-ins. That healthy people going through difficult times are better served by being out and about in their peer groups, talking to and having quality time with trusted family and generally just working through the rough patch through time and busyness. Exercise and sleep are also important.

Op, trust yourself that you have better answers than just an app or outside sources who don't know your son. He will be okay and he's probably going to be okay sooner rather than later if he doesn't ruminate on the breakup. Him going out and meeting new people, especially new girls, is really the best antidote to a breakup for healthy young men.

My DS is going through something similar. He was wallowing then told me he wondered was he suffering from depression. It was about a week. That's the problem with youngsters, they are so switched onto MH issues which can be an advantage in some ways but they don't seem to distinguish between real life and poor MH. I didn't want to minimise his pain but I told him it's OK and normal to be depressed for a little while and that time will heal etc. I wasn't sure if this was the right approach, god knows what he is googling and self diagnosing.