Mortifying things kids say

[RafaFan]

My seven year daughter told me that her friend X's mum has diarrhoea all the time. I don't know how the subject came up, but apparently X (a nice kid) told everyone on the school bus about her mum's digestive issues in some detail (sounds to me like the mum may have IBS), and my daughter told me. Now every time I see the poor woman I'm thinking about how she doesn't know all of these kids and probably their parents know this very personal thing about her. Makes me wonder what my kids might have innocently broadcast to the world...

My son, circa age five, asked me how the seed got into the woman’s body to meet with the egg. (He asks a lot of questions! Then and now).

We were on a crowded bus, so I tried to avoid the question. No idea what to say that was a. true, b. age appropriate, c. public-transport appropriate. Said we’d discuss later.

He then pipes up with “but it has to be either through the bum or the mouth. My body book doesn’t show any other way into the tummy”.

The whole bus sniggered. I was simultaneously so proud of his reasoning and mortified.

DD2 had a full on meltdown in the toilets at Legoland.

DH had taken her there to change her nappy and taken her into the toilet with him so he could go to the toilet too.

DD2 said she wanted a penis. DH said she couldn't have one, girls didn't have them. She thought he was not allowing her to have one.

Many minutes of loud public tantrumming of "I WANT A PENIS" followed.

Freud may have been on to something.

😁 this is hilarious

When DS was 3-4 he went through a real phase of pointing out things about people, and also seemed to think if he wasn't talking to them they wouldn't hear him.

Look how fat that lady is!
That man had no hair.
I don't know if that person is a man or a lady. I think man?

Lots of apologies and explaining to him about not commenting on people's bodies.

My mum hosted a small gathering for a few of the church volunteer group, tea and cakes etc. Us kids were banished upstairs with strict instructions to play quietly and behave ourselves. My younger sister aged about 7 had been rooting around in my parents bedroom and dug out some Dr Whites sanitary towels.
She took one downstairs and loudly announced to my mums guests that my mum sticks them in her knickers.
My mother was puce with embarrassment and my sister got a proper bollocking when the guests left 🤣🤣

No quite as bad but DS2 (7) walked home from the park today screaming 'I like to eat turds' at the top of his lungs over and then over and would not shut up when I asked!

I was on the bus years ago with my young son. He was looking out of the window and I was leafing through a magazine.
Just as he turned to ask me something, I turn the page and there was an advert for Tampax, if anyone remembers the one with the knotted string.
He says "oh you've got those haven't you Mummy, you stick them up your bum"

Omg I remember the anxiety of walking past someone with a huge wart or something like that when mine was about 3 or 4

When my son was doing the pants rule at school they had cartoon pictures of mums and dads in pants and naked, showing that sometimes mums and dads are naked at home etc.

He was adamant the pictures were wrong because daddies wear pants that just cover the front bit, not the back bit. I had to explain to his teacher that he obviously meant the jock straps I wear for rugby, and I don’t strut around the house in a thong!

Stopped at a service station to use the toilet a few years ago when DD was about 5. She took one cubicle, I took the other. Place was busy, as these places usually are. Heard DD shouting through the flimsy wall, "mummy, are you doing a poo?!" I swear the place went quiet and I felt like hiding in there for ages

Yeah my dd had a fat mouth aged 4. One notable time that had me blushing with embarrassment…I was waiting to use a cash point. Man infront of me was using it first. Cue dd piping up with “that man is really fat isn’t he mummy?”

”shhh dd. It’s not nice to talk about people”

”but he is! He’s really fat”

I quickly walked off to use another cash point

I'm a teacher in a church school... my kids attend said school... 8 year old walking through school with my headteacher spotted Jesus on the cross.. "mam why do you say 'Jesus Christ' when you're annoyed?" 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️ luckily my headteacher laughed! I was mortified!

That is hilarious.

I have a pair of knickers which, as it happens, was designed with a little heart-shaped lace cut-out at the back. They're not particularly risque knickers otherwise; the cut-out is about the size of a penny.

I once made the stupid mistake of saying flippantly, when DD asked why I had a hole in my knickers, that it was for my tail. She was four years old. She is now nearly seven; the heart-cut-out knickers are long gone ... but has she forgotten I have knickers with a hole for my tail? Oh she has not.

😆😆😆 You can always rely on kids to show you up!

Took ASD Ds to A&E for suspected broken wrist last week and he loudly asked in the waiting room "why do you have a beard mummy?" shhhhh "no but why do you have a beard? I can see it right there" 🫠🫠

Oh and how could I forget the lady serving us in a shop who had eyes looking opposite ways. Stood literally infront of her and he asks "mummy, why does that lady's eyes look the other way? Mummy? Mummy, why are her eyes not looking at me?" Cut to me slinging him out of the shop door to his dad faster than anything I've ever done. I think I physically shrivelled up.

@SarahAndQuack

Brilliant 🤣

I had to take DS (aged about 4 at the time)to Slimming World as DH was working late. He went around the group saying "You're fat", "You're not fat", "you're really fat" "You are really really really fat"...

I think this is better than when my son, aged 4, said at what seemed to be the top of his voice in the women's changing rooms at the pool, "MUMMY, WOMEN CAN HAVE BEARDS, YOU KNOW."

Me: " Hm"

Son: "BECAUSE LOOK AT THAT WOMAN!"

Mortifying.

I have a 16 year old with asd and severe learning difficulties.......he is exactly the same as this......but people have far less tolerance for a loud teen ........
Never a dull moment 🤣

Lots of 'I wish the earth would open up and swallow me" moments here, courtesy of our kids...
Mine are thankfully old enough to be able to interpret a look from me before they open their mouths now! Only works if I'm there of course. 😄

DD aged about 3 had an unfortunate way of saying 'thank you' that sounded a lot like 'fuck you'. So every time we were out and a stranger did something kind she politely replied 'fuck you'.
So the lovely cashier in Tesco who gave her a lolly was met with 'fuck you'.

I just always stammered 'she means 'thank you' just can't say it yet...' but every time wanted the ground to swallow me up.

Absolute gold.

Oh we have been there with the fat comments before! Ds was very young and we were at the park and he said 'look at that big fat man!' I shushed him and muttered to stop and told him he's not allowed to say that. 'But why mum? Does he not know he's fat?'
I wanted to die.

I was out with my mom when DD2 was about 3-4. My mom had gone to the loo and taken DD2 with her, they gets back to where I was sat, smack bang in the centre of a packed out park on a gorgeous August day and DD (louder than a airhorn) announces

"Mommy! Nanny did a massive fart, it sounded like daddies!!"

Then proceed to act out the scenario complete with sound effects...