People who text and ask how you are

[TheCodingClubClub]

Genuinely puzzled about this one.

I have some friends/acquaintances I don't see often. From time to time we'll text to update each other on our lives. All good.

But there's also the people who'll text, after months of not talking, 'hey, how's everything going?' so I'll reply with a bit of an update on my life, keeping it light, then ask 'how about you?', and all I get back is 'all good, thanks', and that's the end of the conversation.

I've just received such a text message from someone who does this. If I reply with an update I know I'll get nothing back. Yet replying with 'I'm fine thanks, you?' seems unfriendly.

Why do people do this???

Don't know but it's annoying, I wouldn't bother going into details in these exchanges. Maybe just a 'looking forward to a proper catch up soon, take are have a great day'.

I think I do this sometimes 😆 Usually just because I'm thinking about that person and want to let them know.

Oooh interesting question! I like the idea of using the vague, slightly withholding response when asked how I am via text. I might later elaborate on the details of my life should the text exchange open up into chatty messaging.

I think it's a little rude to ask how someone is (or how 'everything' is going) and not subsequently acknowledge their lengthy response. Why ask if you don't care?

Some of my friends love a text/WhatsApp chat and some friends I know only text when they have a reason to.

That’s strange. I’d be in your camp and conversely, when I send a ‘how’s everything?’ message, I’m after a lengthy reply and would reply to your message with one in return.

I think I’d let a friendship like the one you’re describing fizzle out as they don’t communicate in the way that is meaningful to me.

I text a friend to ask how they are, but it drives me mad when I get chapter and verse about their life in response.
I asked how you are, not about your life.
So yes, I tend to reply with a short ' I'm fine thanks '

You sound like a lovely friend 🙄

@Comms, I guess you're the sort of person I am referring to here then. So why do you bother asking if you're not even interested in the response, and also don't want to share in return?

I have a ‘friend’ like this. Known her decades. Every now and then she’ll message to ask how I am. I’ve taken to providing brief responses now as if I write anything about what I’ve been doing, answering her questions, she’ll rarely respond to acknowledge this or carry the conversation on. It’s just a check in I guess, but odd as she genuinely doesn’t seem to give a shit about the answer.

I think she keeps in touch so she has a safety net when she needs genuine connection due to a breakup with exH and general life problems when she wants a sympathetic ear. I’ve been there a lot for her in the past. I know she wouldn’t be for me. For years I gave her multiple chances to be a better person but I’ve finally accepted she’s a user who doesn’t care about anyone unless they positively affect her right now. Even then not so much. It was nostalgia more than anything keeping our friendship going from my end. She’s not the same person I liked when we first knew each other, she’s a lot harder, envious and self-absorbed, and not a very nice person all round TBH. I gave her lots of chances bc I miss who she was, I don’t miss who she’s become. She’s also the type to ask a question or arrange a meetup then wait literally months to respond. Then she’ll start the whole cycle again with the same opening line - it’s been ages, let’s meet up. Literally after arranging a location and date to meet, then not settling on a time and going AWOL for weeks/months when messaged. It’s bizarre behaviour. I don’t bother to respond to that now.

My annoyance (possibly unjustified) is this: I have a friend I rarely see due to distance. She will send a ‘how are you’ message witu just those words. I respond with a ‘not too bad, been busy with work, x is doing this, how is it with you? Reply. I then get the following single line replies, one at a time over a period of a few minutes.
im ok
its so cold here
i wish i could go on holiday
but that is life
x is applying for uni
i hope she will get it

Do other people text in this way? Is it the way some phones are set up? I feel irrational rage when my phone pings 10 times when it could have all been sent in one message. And no, she isnt an old tech illiterate person.

Yes people so strange. Op I used to give too much info in texts then they reply all good here thanks so nothing about them but ask you plenty lol. So now I say all well thanks