15 year old party and alcohol

[Whowherewhywhat]

Our DD is having a party at home for her 15th birthday next week - she has mentioned if she could have some alcohol at the party - any thoughts appreciated and how much / what?
There will be around 25 so not too big and there will be pizza , food, cake etc , would appreciate your thoughts?

We have a similar dilemma - but longer to plan for it (summer birthday). My gut feeling is that alcohol is likely to be present (depending on which friends she invites). If we provide some alcohol then we have some control about what is drunk but if we don't, spirits will be brought in regardless. DH is appalled at this suggestion...so we have no agreement.

Currently thinking about sending them to the escape room and if they get out, buying them pizza in a high street chain.

I feel that this sort of thing needs communicating to parents in advance tbh. Not everyone will be cool with it and I doubt you know the 25 kids well enough to be able to second guess the parents on it.

IF all parents ok'd it I'd be thinking a max of 2/3 cans (archers and lemonade mix up type things) each.

If you go ahead without parents knowing but DD telling her friends there'll be some booze, I can GUARANTEE you that one or more will sneak vodka in and someone will get right pissed up. Cue a very angry parent.

Just turning 15 seems young to be providing alcohol at a party (and DS is 17 so I'm not the parent of a toddler !)
Has there been alcohol at other parties she has been at ?
if yes I'd go for 2 cans max each of either beer, cider or a premixed drink and confiscate all rucksacks at the entrance !

IIRC correctly DC1 was 15 when she first went to a party where parents were providing alcohol. They were upfront with other parents that they would provide a couple of beers each and be there to supervise. I wouldn't have done so at that age, not least because some of my DCs mates are Muslim and might find that a hard sell to their parents, but equally I wasn't horrified and was ok with my DC attending .

I’d probably be uncomfortable with sending my DD to a party with alcohol at this age

Thanks for your replies, I can’t say I’m that comfortable with it, I can’t check with all parents and would be unfair to those that didn’t know - think I will knock it on the head for this year , thanks for the input 👍

My daughter is 15 and over the past couple of months has started going to the odd party where alcohol gas been involved. She has always asked and parents have communicated. To be honest if you say no they are very likely going to drink anyway. She did go to one party when a couple of boys brought a bottle of vodka rather than the pre mixed drinks agreed and those boys ended up very drunk and being sick everywhere! I think it put the rest of them off thankfully.

Same.

I think it's fair to assume alcohol will be snuck in, but it would be rare to come across a 15th bday party where it's provided. 16th more common and I'd say by 17th expected.

Yes it's the age. 16 and over I'm ok with some alcohol being provided but for 14/15 year olds it does seem a bit too young.

I remember my friend’s mother offering me a can of cider at a party at that age. I was mortified and asked for orange juice 🤣

God, how different things are to the 90’s
No way would our parents provide any alcohol
Ok we’d been drinking and other things since around 13, but I still wouldn’t feel comfortable actually providing it for them

Even if you provide alcohol there might be one or two who sneak in harder stuff like spirits.

It's really sad kids think alcohol is inevitable at a party. I went through it with my dsis and her girls often drinking at a young age. It's just a very bad idea because all the good advice about staying safe, safe sex, etc goes out the window when you're drunk.

I'm not sure I understand this logic. If you think spirits will be brought in regardless, you also providing alcohol doesn't give you any more control, it just gives them more alcohol in total?

Thanks all, i think it’s too young, appreciate the confirmation 👍

Think you are right OP. Another year might be different.

When I was 14/15 in the 80s parents provided prob 1-2 bottles beer per person. But no other drinks allowed except soft ones. We felt grown up. They felt in control

Ds1 is 16 now but big house parties have become a thing in the last year and he's been going to some since about 15 and a half.

I'm totally comfortable in him attending parties elsewhere that have alcohol. He is allowed to drink some and has taken some with him sometimes and he knows our rules and limits. He's aware that if he breaks them it will be a hard no to further parties so he doesn't risk it. He's never been drunk when he's gone to one (a bit chatty on pick up maybe as he's had 3 or 4 beers over several hours but not even what i'd consider tipsy), never seemed hungover the next day and thus far has always been sensible.

However that is absolutely not the case for many of his friends. I've been shown videos of some of his mates in awful states and heard stories of x and x parents needing to pick someone up at 9pm because they couldn't stand up, how x nearly fell in the river that runs alongside one house because he was so drunk, how x smashed his face open when he fell over etc.

For this reason we've said no to parties with alcohol here. I'm willing to take the risk of trusting ds to be sensible elsewhere (and so far all good!). But there's no way we'd put ourselves in the position of being responsible for 30 other 15 and 16 year olds drinking because there is zero chance they'll all be sensible!

By 15 there will likely be alcohol, the choice is whether the parents attempt to control it or bury their heads in the sand.

There was definitely alcohol involved at parties from 14 or so in the 80's

My DD's are adults now so I can conclusively say that they can navigate these parties but need to be able to be honest with you eg dd called me to fetch her because others brought drugs to a house party, she was 15 at the time. If you are too draconian over things they may sneak alcohol and it becomes a problem. Mine got a bottle of that Caribbean punch drink that's pretty low in alcohol to take to parties and I made punch (with barely any alcohol in it) for parties at mine

For my daughter's 18th birthday Party we explained to adults that no alcohol would be provided ibut we were ok with the teenagers bringing their own.
I felt that the parents appreciated us informing them of the plans as my daughter was one of the first to turn 18.

I think most of us feel unease, and that's how it should feel - 14 is young. Equally, if they're talking about it and their friends are drinking then having an open discussion with your kids and coming to an agreement is surely a better approach than burying your head in the sand.
My 14 yo hasn't started going to house parties, but did ask if he and his mate could have a beer on a sleepover. I discussed with mate's Mum and we all agreed 1 can of beer each.

No need. DD is turning 16 and most parties don’t have alcohol at them. When they do, it’s usually the parents providing Prosecco and it doesn’t get drunk! Have to say I’m a bit judgy when parents leave vodka and the like for parties (which did happen at one party when dd was 15!).