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Original poster

Guilt towards first born, new baby

9 replies

imablue · 09/03/2024 20:10

I'm 11 days PP and I'm really struggling with these feelings of guilt towards my first DS.

I'm finding it so difficult to divide my attention between my first and my newborn. I know this sounds really silly, but I'm feeling distant from my 4 year old. Currently my DH is doing most things for him whilst I recover from my c-section and whilst I tend to my newborn, and I'm feeling useless and I know I'm missing out on spending time with him but it's just so so hard to see to both. Again I know it sounds silly, but I just miss him so much.

Sat here in tears and I feel so emotional over it. Any advice would be welcome please 😭 does it get any easier?

OP posts:
Chairwoman · 09/03/2024 20:12

This is totally normal and will pass. My DS was only 22 months and I ‘missed’ him so much when DS2 was born! Especially as I was bf so I dealt with the baby and DH dealt with the toddler. It was a really hard adjustment (harder than having my 3rd!) but honestly totally normal and will pass. You will all bond together as a family soon and adapt to the new (amazing) normal!

Original poster
imablue · 09/03/2024 20:14

Chairwoman · 09/03/2024 20:12

This is totally normal and will pass. My DS was only 22 months and I ‘missed’ him so much when DS2 was born! Especially as I was bf so I dealt with the baby and DH dealt with the toddler. It was a really hard adjustment (harder than having my 3rd!) but honestly totally normal and will pass. You will all bond together as a family soon and adapt to the new (amazing) normal!

I hope so. I'm just not used to this at all, prior to my baby being born me and DS had the most incredible bond and now I feel like that's kind of lost a little 😔

OP posts:
mintbiscuit · 09/03/2024 20:17

@Chairwoman is spot on. I was the same until baby got into a routine of sorts. Honestly it was a matter of months and it suddenly clicked into place. I focused on the positive that DH was developing a stronger bond with the older child. It was v sweet.

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Original poster
imablue · 09/03/2024 20:21

mintbiscuit · 09/03/2024 20:17

@Chairwoman is spot on. I was the same until baby got into a routine of sorts. Honestly it was a matter of months and it suddenly clicked into place. I focused on the positive that DH was developing a stronger bond with the older child. It was v sweet.

Thanks for the reply. Yep, I feel it's more difficult at the moment as there is literally no routine for my baby. I know it will come in time and I don't want to wish the days away, but I feel it will be a little easier when we get to that point

OP posts:
Lucy377 · 09/03/2024 20:21

Yes. See it not as a loss but an opportunity for DH to step up and build a relationship with DS.

A son always loves and is very attached to his mother, think we've plenty of evidence of that on here! 😜

Lucy377 · 09/03/2024 20:23

Feel your pain OP. Those first weeks with a newborn are tough, tough, tough, and it doesn't get easier with practice because each baby is different.
Hang in there. It'll be okay. It's a tunnel you are in and there is light at the end.

Original poster
imablue · 09/03/2024 20:25

Lucy377 · 09/03/2024 20:23

Feel your pain OP. Those first weeks with a newborn are tough, tough, tough, and it doesn't get easier with practice because each baby is different.
Hang in there. It'll be okay. It's a tunnel you are in and there is light at the end.

I think I've been naive also, because my new baby is clingy whereas DS never was. He wants to be on me constantly, which is not his fault of course, he is still so little and needs me, but I've never got my hands free to help with DS when he needs me 😔

OP posts:
crazyBadger · 09/03/2024 20:29

We did weekly Saturday morning 121 we switched off each week when there twin were settled ... Nothing big or special... Costa hot chocolate, walk round the park, cake in the cafe etc..

She was 3 when we started and we had a big white board with the day circled and a. List of things she might like to do.

By the time the twins were 3 she was happier going out with nanny/cousins/ activity so we did 1 on 1 with them :)

Geebray · 09/03/2024 20:31

Oh bless you. I didn't have a second DC and still cried a lot at your stage! It's called the Baby Blues, not to be confused with PND.

Be kind to yourself. You are doing amazingly. You are a fab mum.

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