Ds has not come home. I'm probably over thinking.

[Bebacksoon22]

I know I'm being stupid. Ds is almost 17. He went to stay at a friend's last night. They planned on going to a museum today . Ds sent me a couple of messages last night. Then he messaged DD to ask her to ask me to put a bit of money in his account. He didn't ask me directly because he was on his friends phone and already talking to dd. So dd heard from him around 8am. We have not heard from him since then . DD tried contacting the friend no joy. We managed to contact DS boyfriend and he said that ds only had 2%battery this morning. But the phone is ringing ? All I can think of is he's left it on charge but with it on? At his friends place.

I get worried something could have happened. But logically. I would have known by now . And they have probably let their battery fully run out. Plus it's not even late .

I'm not sure a 16 year old should be spending consecutive nights out at houses you don't know, going in the missing without contact but expecting money. He is 16. He is not an adult.

Glad he’s ok! He’s been very thoughtless and this merits a discussion tomorrow I think OP.

Yes definitely.

Agreed @PastorCarrBonarra

Thoughtless little sod

He is 16 and living in your house. He doesn't get to TELL you when he is staying out, he gets to ASK you if he can

I have had alot of problems with him. Its all well saying he should be asking not telling me etc . But there's sweet Fa I can do about it. I don't drive. I'm on my own with children that I can't leave. There's nothing I can do anyway. I know he's safe now. That's the main thing for now.

I'm sorry @Bebacksoon22
I didn't mean to be thoughtless

What are your plans for the conversation tomorrow?

It's fine. You didn't say anything to be sorry for. I'm not sure yet . Just tell him the problems it could have caused. Him it takes seconds to reply etc

Thank you

Teenage boys are so terribly thoughtless , mine did eventually grow out of it, but it's exasperating whilst they're in the midst

Ok, so time to set some boundaries and tracking in event he out of contact. He’s only 16
buy a MagSafe battery. Set find my phone and life 360 to know whereabouts Get contact details of his bf and mates
be clear if he’s out of contact you’ll reach out to these people, and then police

How are you @Bebacksoon22?
Have you had chance to speak to him?

Definitely won't be doing that

Sort of . He's still at his friends. So he was kind of laughing and showing off. But I think he took it on board.because he gave me his friends number and told me to ring her if I can't get hold of him.

So next time you don’t know where he is,he’s unconttactable. and you have no contacts to check with…what you going to do?
no life360 to check
no find my phone to check
no spare charger for him to use when his phone flat
if you ever have to escalate and you have no contact detail

look,these are worst case scenario, last option to use, not routine check in . But why don’t know some contacts

I have already said in my post above that he gave me his friends number now. Normally my DD can track him by location I forgot what one it is snap chat? There's not a hope in hell of him keeping a tracker on . He would rip it off. Or leave it somewhere.

It’s an app not a tag! the tracker is on the phone,it can’t be physically ripped off it’s not a physical object It’s an app. Go google this
Life 360 is a GPS app shows location and battery status on phone. Most people create family groups
Find my iPhone is an app showing location
None of these can be ripped off or physically discarded

most people using some form of apps to know location and whereabouts

MagSafe charger for battery back up
apple air tag show location

He would know its there though wouldn't he?so he could turn it of or delete the app ? I will look though

So do nothing then. Remain unaware of his whereabouts because he can’t or won’t share location.
Hes 16 there need to be boundaries and an agreement you know his whereabout. You are anticipating this being problematic though? So what will you do then?

Hes 17 in 2 weeks time. not that it makes it any better. But he's not a just turned 16 year old . In the the past I have been able to find his location via my DD with snap and via social media. At the end of the day I can't force him to have a tracking app. I have been through through hell with him. We are starting to turn a corner. I'm not going to upset that. All that would do us cause him to block me. Turn his locations of . And then there's no hope in me knowing where he is.

In the end it did turn out he was being a complete idiot . After i told him I was not impressed . That I almost called the police. He did then give me contact details. Ok it was a bit late . But he did take on board what I said. So hopefully he will be more mindful next time.

Are you scared of him? Reluctant to have difficult conversations? There’s a lot of reticence? A lot of accommodation regard what he will won’t do. It clearly adversely impacts upon you

Have a calm, and collaborative conversation
if you know where he is you don’t worry or need to escalate to friend or worst case scenario the police

he need to meet you halfway, otherwise you have nothing

@Zone2NorthLondon

I don't think your suggestions are particularly helpful for OP.

It's a tricky age for communication, trust and independence- tracking apps aren't going to cut it.

If y try he DS was a young teen maybe.

She is not compelled to act on suggestions, but isn’t happy with the current situation
shes already sort of using apps to locate him and resorting to calling friends and saying she’ll call police if she can’t locate him
So,clearly something is not working and she’s worried (hence the post)
He is 16 already using apps for SM, order food, chat , pay for items he will not be unfamiliar with apps at his age. Most 16yo maintain contact with family group via GPS apps. It really is not alien. If she wants the reassurance of knowing his whereabouts they both need to introduce changes & that include apps. Or he phones home to check in
Or don’t initiate any change, maintain status quo, see how things go. But accept you don’t know his whereabouts

His 17 in two weeks

People are acting like his 11

16yo going on 17yo and she’s worried enough to post.Clearly worried/unhappy or else why post?
As I said it’s up to op and her son to try work out a collaborative solution, Or do nothing and accept this as the status quo
It really isn’t unreasonable to have collaboration and negotiated boundaries regard safety and whereabouts

Your not taking in what I have said. Yes I can keep an eye in where he is via social media . It's not 100% granteed. An app he can turn of . Delete remove. I can't force him to have it. If he feels to watched he could just turn everything off then I have nothing at all.

As said in my other posts he has taken some of what I said on board hense he gave me his friends number.

I think talking to him about these suggestions seems far more reasonable than having your DD track him for you. He isn't her responsibility.