Undiagnosed ADHD, extreme social anxiety. I just can't cope anymore.

[ADHelpD]

Just got out of car same time as new neighbour leaving hers.

I'm thinking of all the ways I can avoid situation.

She says hi but then she's talking on phone on a wireless headset thing and I didn't know if she's talking to me or person so I start to unload bags because I don't know if she wants to talk to me or not. I feel myself panicking and going red.

Then she approaches like she is going for a hug and I panic more as I don't know her?? but then extends hand for a handshake and makes small talk which I feel like I completely botched and made my excuses to leave too soon.

And now I'm going over it all in my head again and again because I always feel so stupid talking to people. Like they know I don't know how to do it and they think I'm weird.

I am weird :(

In our old street everyone ignored me and talked to my husband because he is so social and easy to talk to and I just hide behind him or scuttle in the house.

Why can't I just be normal. It's exhausting.

She wasn’t very normal herself. I’ve never had a woman shake my hand in the street.

Tell your GP. This ruminating could be ADHD, Autism or maybe an anxiety disorder, etc.

I'm glad to hear other people think like me - I could have written that post! I've recently started taking antidepressants to help with some PTSD symptoms and they have improved my social over-thinking and panic a bit. I also find I'm much less panicky socially when I'm feeling calm and confident with the rest of my life, but that's rare at the moment with work stress and recent trauma.

I've been on antidepressants over a decade and been waiting 12 months for an ADHD assessment.

My new neighbour and I shook hands when we met at first and introduced ourselves….i think it’s quite normal.

Bless you, I am EXACTLY like this. I would rather avoid my own house than have to work out the correct amount of small talk with a neighbour.

I don’t know what to suggest OP but know that you aren’t alone in feeling this way.

I changed my whole dog walk route this morning to avoid someone who I knew would want to stop and chat ! Some days i just don't feel like talking or just feel anxious.

I am the same too. I keep moving in that situation and make zero eye contact. I can handle 'hi' or just a wave as I walk on by. Not bothered what anyone thinks anymore because a long boring nosey conversation would drain the absolute life out of me and I'm just not really interested and don't know why they would want this kind of interaction.

Now I know this is so much easier said than done, but the way I’ve figured out to get over this is to just be you in every scenario.

Maybe she wanted to shake your hand, but if you just don’t reciprocate confidently then it’s more likely she’ll feel just as weird and awkward as you do, and you know you’ve done what felt right to you.

I spent SO much of my life tailoring the way I acted to the person I was interacting with, one day I just thought I’m going to start doing what I would do. You have exactly the same right to dictate how the interaction goes as the other person.

If people think I’m weird, so what. In most cases I wanted them to ignore me anyway so if that’s the outcome, no loss to me. If people don’t think I’m weird, then I’ll attract my sort of people.

I think the key is just to be confident in whatever decision you make as it’s the dithering that makes you feel awkward and seem weird. Most people are too wrapped up in themselves to care of you didn’t reply when they say hi (and if they call you out on it, just say you didn’t know they were talking to you), or if you didn’t hug/shake hands/wag your tail when you greeted them.

Once you get into that mindset, it’s incredibly freeing.