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Tell friend or not?

5 replies

SpringtimeBunny · 08/03/2024 09:58

Hey I'm new to posting on Mumsnet. I just wanted to some advice quickly please?
I've recently made friends with another mum at school who's lovely. I'd also consider her husband a friend/acquaintance too as we often chats school stuff on the playground as well. Have been round theirs a few times for coffee and our DC are "besties" so are what Id class as friends. Really nice couple. I'd hate to overstep boundaries and ruin a friendship.
Thing is, I've noticed this week that her husband looks quite a bit jaundiced. I used to be a medic many moons ago so I tend to spot these things. It's at a similar level of a family member who went on to uncover some pretty serious health issues after I & others pointed it out to them. Should I tactfully mention it to my friend? Or is she likely to think I'm sticking my beak in? I do know that they're likely aware of it already and understandably keeping whatever it is to themselves. I don't want them to think im fishing for private info ! That's genuinely not the case. I just don't want a scenario where god forbidding he discovers something later and turns out I'd seen a sign but kept quiet. I also don't want to worry them ! I don't always get it right with stuff like this. Often wondered if I'm autistic.

Sorry if too long !

OP posts:
SquishyBeanBag · 08/03/2024 10:02

You could just say "how's your husband" to guage it a bit. Then if she says something like he's very stressed you could say I thought he looked a bit off maybe even jaundice, I hope he's OK.

SKG231 · 08/03/2024 10:05

If you approach it the right way I’m sure she won’t be offended. Remind her you’re a medial professional and that you don’t want to seem as if you’re being nosey or intrusive but you care about them so just wanted to mention it.

Blackcats7 · 08/03/2024 10:06

I would say:
I do hope you won’t mind me commenting but I used to be a medic and I can’t help but notice your husband looks a little jaundiced. Apologies if he knows and is getting help but I couldn’t say nothing in case mentioning it might help.

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SpringtimeBunny · 08/03/2024 10:07

Yes thank you they're both good ideas. I'm about as tactful as a Rhinoceros so this is helpful thanks

OP posts:
SpringtimeBunny · 08/03/2024 10:12

Thanks Blackcats. I think I'll wait until I see her alone next. Then no tone-less texts can be misinterpreted
Thanks all

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