If you chose not to give your children "screentime" at all before age 5, can I ask why, and how it is going?

[SwordToFlamethrower]

I'm genuinely curious about this. Kids seem to be glued to their screens and many don't seem to be aware of their surroundings, sat in prams or restaurants or family gatherings.

If you've chosen not to do screens with your kids, how are they doing in terms of socialisation, imaginative, spontaneous play and mental health.

Thank you!

Ds had unlimited television at home, once I went back to work exh was caring for him & due to being newly diagnosed with MS it was easier to keep ds occupied with Cbeebies. By the time he was 2, he started watching Time Team with his dad & insisted on watching back episodes because he loved it & he understood a lot of what they were talking about, his favourite word was geophysicist. Smart phones weren't around then but he had my old laptop from being maybe about 4 with age appropriate games & music on. He's had games consoles from when the Wii came out but never really played to excess & a smartphone without a sim card to play on from being 8 & with a sim from being 10. He's 20 now, still loves gaming but hardly ever watches live television at all.

My kids are 12 and 7. We did very very little bordering on no screen time when they were little. Except sport which we all watch. Then as they grew older we would do odd bits of movie nights etc. We are in the US and we will now watch some shows together but the iPad is not an option for entertainment usually and our weekly screen time is very low. Maybe an hour a week? But I know when the Olympics happen later in the year we’ll all watch lots of TV.

Both read early, are avid readers but most importantly both of them can entertain themselves quite easily.

The 12 year old now has a strictly monitored phone and goes to a school where phones are locked away during the day. There was a brief period when phone usage and trying to sneakily find solutions to our screen time limits was an issue but we are now on the other side of it. Also he now has a Kindle that we take on flights and car journeys.

And whoever said upthread that boredom is good for kids I cannot agree enough.

My 3 year old loves tv, and probably in the past year has watched more tv than I’d like but mostly because I had some difficult months in pregnancy followed by a c section and now not getting any sleep.

However, I would say the tv has honestly helped his speech. He loves watching things like Yakka Dee and Mr Tumble.

His favourite thing has still always been books because we read him so much from being a baby during lockdown. But also his favourite books are all the Peppa ones he has, and I’d say he prefers his Peppa books to watching the actual tv.

He doesn’t watch anything on our phones, we only have an emergency tablet which has been used for 30 mins on extremely long car trips, and he has never seen Youtube. I’m also certainly not in favour of tv all day and we moved our son out of a childminder because of this.

None of my actual friends have banned tv at all. I will say that I had one of my neighbours round once with her 1 year old, and my boy asked for the tv on. Apparently this was the first time the 1 year old had seen the tv and she was moving towards it being quite fascinated, but my neighbour had a terrified expression on her face like her child was moving towards an open fire pit i’d just lit in my living room.

I loved tv as a kid and it’s done me no harm. i have a language degree and a lot of my career depends on good communication. It’s fine as long as the parents put the effort in in other areas.

I would also add it can be really beneficial depending on age. My friend’s 4 year old started learning and loving times tables from watching Numberblocks.

My dc9 didn't have tablet until 5 years old and this was a decision spurred on by us due to the pandemic.

We got an amazon kids tablet which we've found great for parental controls and available content. It doesn't have YouTube and we switched off Internet browsing. It can be aged up in parental controls so we've did that but it's basically the same but includes trickier games.

We have a few families who we've slowly stopped visiting/grew apart due to screen use. One as soon as we go in house huge 70 inch TV has YouTube put on with youtubers, then playing games on tablet at same time, or on phone with tiktok whilst we're sitting there left in the real world, so we ended up stopping going.

The last time was a couple of years back and it was a beautiful summers day, we'd driven 30 minutes to their house only to arrive at 1pm to find both kids still in their pj's and wanting to do dual screens and not come out into garden, so me and dc sat out in the sun ourselves amdd left after about an hour to go to a park on our own...Im like what is the point. Their kids also given phones with unrestricted access from about age 7.

Another family was a bit similar to us and kids had a great time playing together but gave a phone when their dc age 7 and we've slowly stopped going as my dc asks to play when we visit, they have big garden but it's a no. My dc asked about Netflix shows/fab characters, books, switch games but kid seemed to have no knowledge about that stuff as only has a phone, by last time we went the kid was just sitting on tiktok scrolling one video after another. Seems to be unrestricted access aswell. My dc has found this one sad and used to say why don't they want to play with me etc, they used to be fun etc.

My personal opinion is that YouTube and ticktok is absolute mind rot, there is like zero benefit in my opinion, it's not like a show that's been rated a U or PG and there's no character development like following a show where there's a hero/villains.

Dh and I don't use YouTube much and neither of us have ever had tiktok (were not old either, in our 30's), we only really put things like new movie trailers on YouTube on the living room TV together and tend to just watch Netflix/amazon.

Netflix with parental controls has some great shows and has turned a lot of books into shows now too.

We do actually allow gaming on switch/playstation, again with heavy parental controls, including fortnite/roblox as chat with friends over headset which I don't mind, I know it's locked down and am very present when gaming happening and know the kids/parents who are friends.

We do have a family chrome book with a child profile on there, it does have YouTube kids app and is used maybe once a month to do a drawing tutorial, otherwise not used much.

My dc read 80 age appropriate books in 2023, watched numerous Netflix TV shows and has favourite shows like to rewatch. I host a lot of playdates and take friends out and about and my dc now has no interest in playing with kids who want to scroll on a phone or adult profile tablet as zero in common.

There are still families/kids who are like us and haven't found it an issue, we've just moved on from the ones whose kids only interest is scrolling on YouTube or tiktok.

I also know a kid who had a tablet with YouTube from age 2 and kid picked up an American twang to their accent and we live in Scotland. Saying that I actually know another one who has a weird twang to their accent when all the adults/families involved speak thick scots or Glasweigian. I can only assume all the youtubers have been absorbed into their developing brain for speech. Crazy!

My dc has good imagination, attends a few clubs has friends in and out of school who I have for playdates.

Has fairly unrestricted "screen time" when we are at home which I don't mind as it's all parental controls/appropriate content and everyone needs some down time!

Still does crafts and board games so leave it up to them what they want to do in their free time as they are coming up to 10 years old now and I don't want to be breathing down their neck.

My 9 and 6 year olds both have tablets and we went the other way and are very chilled with screen time at home. The children have had phases of watching/ playing too much but it's not the case now. They self regulate well (my eldest has woken up before she needs to today and is reading).

We don't have screens in restaurants. They'll do word searches etc. A pp on this thread said they're kids are more 'animated' in restaurants because they don't have screens. If that means loud- I don't think it's an excuse for your kids to annoy others. They can be quiet with no iPad.

A forgot to add, Minecraft taught my youngest to read in the summer before he started school.

Mine both watch TV. They don’t get upset etc when I turn it off and I limit what they watch. My older one who’s 4.5 doesn’t have access to an iPad etc and I want to put that off aslong as possible. Same with phones.
I never wanted to give my children/babies phones when they’re sitting in their prams etc and I never have. They’re happy to watch the world or if I’m desperate - eat a snack!

We don’t use them in restaurants either and tbh we currently avoid going out to eat with my toddler as I don’t want to just stick him in front of an ipad to placate him. My older one is a delight to go out to eat with so hopefully he will be too when he’s older!

The librarian was slightly shocked!!

I just happened to be in our local library near to closing time the day before lockdown. I asked what the book limit was per library card. She said 30 books, so I literally took two shelves worth of kids' books! We didn't know when the library would be open again at that point.

It was lucky, though, as the kids had an amazing selection of books to read during the worst time. I'm sure it set them up to be the readers they are today.

I think it's a wise move.

DD now 17 and had no screen time before 5.

DS now 11 was about 3 when he started watching it. Wish I'd kept him away from TV longer.

Both high achievers but DS less inclined to read and would choose screens for entertainment now if I let him.

I just felt there was no benefit to TV for them and took the view that there was nothing TV couldn't teach them that I couldn't.

I didn't restrict screen time, but DD just won't watch TV or play on an iPad, occasionally I wish she would. I don't know if I'd restricted it whether she would be keener? It just doesn't interest her at all.

The other thing I used to do was on our long car trips to France. I had a big box of lego that we would put between the kids on the back seat when they were really young. They would play with it for hours while I drove. I bought them the green flat lego bases to have on their knees.

I would also get them to pack a little bag of toys and books to take in the car to keep themselves occupied. It taught them to think about what they need to take on long journeys so that now aged 11 they always pick up their kindle or a school book and bring it.

Interestingly, not long ago, we were in the dentists waiting room, and both my kids were reading. Another mother looked at me and commented how rare it is to see children reading nowdays.

no one can ever know. no-one can go back in time and test the alternative.

every kid is different- some will be cool with limited times, others will be addicted- some adults won't link behaviour with screens - some adults tolerance levels are ok, some don't see an issue - some think it's the best thing since sliced bread because the kids are quiet etc.

like the PP kid who apparently learned before school just from playing Minecraft - that child probably spent a huge amount of time on the device - but the parents are cool with it because they think he learned to read from it. Other parents might not think its so great.

Everyone is different.

My kids had no personal screens until about 8/9 and now older (secondary) no social media and also plenty of screen free time is just woven into daily life. They’re not allowed on until after lunch on weekends, but then we’re often out and about by lunch so then they’re on screens gaming just on a weekend evening. Weekdays only telly and that’s after they’re showered, got uniform ready for next day, and had dinner.

I do feel quite sure that my low screen rules and no screens when they were tiny, had made them more creative and they can be completely entertained among themselves, and with friends, without screens. A few of their friends come round and literally are bored senseless by hanging out and finding stuff to do, they can’t cope without screens and it is sad to see. I can tell the kids who have masses of screen time, their lack of concentration and incessant moaning about being bored is always a big deal.

My kids are all neurodiverse and have been supported to find their own personal ways of regulating themselves and seeking things to do that suit them and they enjoy. That cannot, for me, include things like watching YouTube bullshit for hours. One child will make things for hours, another much prefers drawing and copying, another has good focus so more into reading and sewing. You just have to have the options of alternatives available. We get on trains and go to restaurants and whatever else and have never resorted to screens. It’s not even like I’m making a big strict deal over it, more like a case of - but why would we?

That is brilliant! Very good idea. We love the library, our local librarians are fantastic too.

I've loved reading all your kind replies! I'm very confident we will do just fine without screens for our DD, the main issue will be other people with screens.

None of mine had screen time at all under 5. Then 5-8 only 1 hour TV a day no computers. Hasn't hurt them at all. They all engaged in outdoor play and sports.

My first child i didnt give screen time at all until 4,5 yo. Turns fine.

but then i got second child. I was work from home so both my kids spent time watching tv all the time. And it turns iut my second child much more clever than my first. He can read story book by himself since age 2,5 years old. He is more chatty than his brother and more outgoing. His big brother is more shy.

so screentime not giving bad effect on my child. So now i give them screen whenever they want as long as his homework and reading finished first then they can watch someting.

We are strict compared to their friends. No screens at all until about age 4-5. Then started allowing TV for an hour a week. No iPad, mobiles or gaming. We have stuck with that and then also let them use the computer for limited educational activities from age 10 or so.

They are a bit ‘different’ from their peers, but actually mostly proud of it. They still have a good social life. At home they are avid readers and play, fight, cook, build dens etc. Tbh life with kids has been difficult for us because we haven’t used digital babysitters much and at times of stress I have thought that actually a bit more screen time would be a good thing because we’d be better parents if we got more of a break. As they got older we reaped the benefits though as they were able to self-entertain without screens. Without doubt a net benefit for them.

No choice as after school club whack it on every night 🙄

Mine had very little screen time before 5, certainly none outside of the house. They are now teen and pre teen. They have gradually been allowed more and they normally have a couple of hours a day at least. It annoys me how much they love it, but avoiding it for as long as we could had lots of positive benefits. They still don't need or expect it when we're out anywhere, they are both big readers and read for about an hour before sleeping every night. I'm glad we were so strict. Because of the lack of screens I had to have a high tolerance for noise and mess when they were little though!

so happy I was a glad in 70’s/80’s now! Lots of screen time and time on the Atari. I don’t have square eyes yet which we we’re always told if we watched too much tv

I should also add they were slow starters academically but caught up later and I've always wondered if that was linked to lack of screens, like less direct input or something?

Mine had no screen time until age 10/11. They read loads and were always active. Now they are as screen addicted as everyone else as teenagers though!

None of mine had access to a screen before starting primary school, although they did watch half an hour of TV after lunch (whilst I tidied the kitchen) and half an hour before bed.
I wouldn't say any of them were academically advanced, although my eldest two now are at academically selective schools and predicted high grades (A/9's) in GCSEs A levels. DD definitely isn't and she also has in attentive ADHD.