I’ve gone back to work too soon. Now I don’t know what to do. Possible TW

[TheOneinFour]

I had a miscarriage about a month ago. I was around 6 weeks so quite early. I was extremely upset at the time and took a week off work, grateful that my work has a special policy which means that wasn’t sick leave.

I steadily felt better and thought hopefully it will be no time at all until I fall pregnant again. It’s honestly all we want, to be parents and so we are trying again and currently waiting for my period or to see if I have been lucky enough to fall pregnant again.

I don’t know whether this has caused my anxiety or whether it is a combination of circumstances, unfortunately our loss coincided with MIL being diagnosed with cancer. I have always been someone who worries but particularly since mid last week I feel so unsettled and unable to focus on anything. We have recently signed on a new project at work and I just feel out my depth and irritated by people.

What would you do in this situation? My role is fairly flexi and my manager seems understanding (knows about the loss) but I don’t know them that well and surprise surprise another one of my worries is related to my work performance and what my colleagues think of me for having the week off that I did a few weeks ago…

Advice greatly appreciated, thank you

Honestly, speak to your manager and consider getting signed off. I did the same many years ago, went back too soon and really struggled. I sat in the office one day on the verge of tears and thought WTF am I doing here. I ended up taking another week off. It has done me no harm in the long run, and it's long forgotten, even though there was a few raised eyebrows about my mystery absence at the time.

Thank you. I just hate looking flaky but I feel like I’m operating at 50% anyway.

Who gives a shit if you look flaky? Seriously? You need to do what is best for you, fuck what anyone else thinks

I do, worried about redundancies as we are all at risk at the moment. I don’t think it’ll affect me but I can’t be a hundred percent sure.

Anyone else experienced this or similar?

Hello OP

You sound like me.
I've had a few illnesses and always went back too early/. Manager was good but I felt the same way you did.

I fet staying at home was best but I had more time for negative thoughts.

IMO, possibly ret to work on a gradual basis ie a phased return to work. Your manager, HR and Ocup Health will interview/decide and review - you will have the final say if to accept or not - it was for me.

Good luck

Sadly, it does not work for everyone. When I was at my most vulnerable, I did think what others thought/ It is easier said than done.
Just saying

Sorry for your loss OP.

Do you have an employee assistance programme at work at all, as it sounds like some counselling would help you work through your feelings and regain control. Rather than just being off sick.

You can also go to the GP and ask for a referral.

Just being signed off work won't help you reset your coping mechanisms, and it's important you do this before any pregnancy so you avoid suffering anxiety throughout, reducing your risk of post natal depression.

Best wishes.

Gently, what do you do if you experience a second miscarriage, like I did?

And months of nothing in between?

If you can get some strength from another week off work then do it, but if you're going to feel a bit unstable until you have a pregnancy that sticks - that could take a year or two so you need to think of another way to build up your resilience

I do get that, from personal experience I get that, but also from personal experience, your mental health is invaluable. You’ve been through something awful and need some time. That is ok. Your work so far sound supportive, talk to your manager about how you’re feeling.

Thank you for being understanding. It’s so tough. I am not sure if you can have a phased return after a short time off?

This is a good point, thank you. I have heard these feelings are normal given it was so recent but I will be sure to contact the GP if it doesn’t subside

I hope not but you make a good point. I am not yet 30 and and fell pregnant quickly so hoping it was a one off and won’t take too long but you never know do you. That’s why I’m very hesitant to be off for any more time but I just feel like I need to slow the pace down a bit for now. Not sure if there’s a way of doing that or whether you either have to give 100% or be signed off

You can, be open and honest with the manager, the manager will consult HR and they will consult Occ Health - just ask and see what they say

Good luck with everyhting