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Original poster

school run

21 replies

Racheltanner1995 · 04/03/2024 19:01

does anyone else dread the school run? and im not meaning taking the kids to school but having to deal with other people. They All have their own click and im defiantly not part of it, i don't do my hair i don't do my make up im always in leggings and a hoodie, the only time i do is if im going out after i.e tesco or you no pub or something to meet my partner (this is after school, although some mornings i could have a glass of wine with the struggles to get to the school) haha. Anyway i try to avoid these people. They all judge and they all run me and my best friend down (our kids go same school and in same year) we turn up to every event we are there no matter what, i dont get involved with the PTFA i cant stand them. I over heard one of the mums say to another "Look there goes bare minimum, cant even get involved with setting up the hall" baring in mind i do work and yes its from home but i still work and my work involves being glued to my phone or laptop. from 9am till 3pm Monday to Friday. I no it shouldnt bother me but it does, they dont have jobs to have to go to, so they do have time on their hands to be more involved with the school functions. i pay what ever i have to pay, i do what ever i have to do. They are really starting to pee me off, to the point i just wanna say something to them even if it causes an argument but dont want to be that person who starts outside of a school.

What would you do in this situation? if i could be more involved then i would be but i have to work.

OP posts:
MaloneMeadow · 04/03/2024 19:13

To be honest I think that they’re right re: turning up every morning without even brushing your hair. Just because you’re at the school gates doesn’t mean you’re not in public

Original poster
Racheltanner1995 · 04/03/2024 19:19

im not saying i dont brush my hair what so ever, i mean i dont straighten it or curl it every day just to do the school run, and to impress other people.

OP posts:
mynameiscalypso · 04/03/2024 19:20

I just wouldn't engage at all. I have zero interest what anyone on the school run thinks of me. I don't chat with anyone if I can help it. My focus is just on getting DS there/taking him home. I try to help out with school stuff when I can but work FT too so can't commit to much. I don't really think there's any need for drama though. I'm not necessarily going to be friends with people just because our children are the same age.

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Original poster
Racheltanner1995 · 04/03/2024 19:23

mynameiscalypso · 04/03/2024 19:20

I just wouldn't engage at all. I have zero interest what anyone on the school run thinks of me. I don't chat with anyone if I can help it. My focus is just on getting DS there/taking him home. I try to help out with school stuff when I can but work FT too so can't commit to much. I don't really think there's any need for drama though. I'm not necessarily going to be friends with people just because our children are the same age.

Thank you, it is unessasery drama that dont need to be baught to the school. me and my friend keep ourself to ourself, do what we can when we can and thats that.

just hate all the little sly comments behind mine and my friends back, just because we cant commit to EVERY function the school holds.

thank you.

OP posts:
Original poster
Racheltanner1995 · 04/03/2024 19:24

MaloneMeadow · 04/03/2024 19:13

To be honest I think that they’re right re: turning up every morning without even brushing your hair. Just because you’re at the school gates doesn’t mean you’re not in public

im not saying i dont brush my hair what so ever, i mean i dont straighten it or curl it every day just to do the school run, and to impress other people.

OP posts:
Yozzer87 · 04/03/2024 19:50

What makes you think that they are doing hair and make up to impress other people though? Maybe they like their hair that way. Just because you don't bother yourself doesn't mean that they are wrong. I've been on the other side of it where one of the mums asked me why I bother to do my make up for the school run. I do it because I want to. It's not for anyone else's benefit and no one else's business. Equally I don't give a toss if someone isn't wearing make up. I understand the school crowd can be a bit cliquey but you don't have to engage.

Illbeready · 04/03/2024 19:54

My hair is in a messy bun and I wear no makeup on the school run and no one cares. Just ignore them OP and smile away like nothing is bothering you.

noctiscaelum · 04/03/2024 19:57

Tbh, people don't really care, they have enough things to deal with their lives. I think you are being paranoid.

Some people just drop and run. Some people spend time with other parents. Some people look nice, because they need to be somewhere, like work. I don't think they have time to judge you.

They really don't care, imo.

KnickerlessParsons · 04/03/2024 20:02

They All have their own click

Clique.

fatphalange · 04/03/2024 20:07

I'm guessing there's an element of paranoia at play. Or maybe you're not as secure in your let-it-all-hang-out appearance? If you are then all that's left to think is, 'fuck it!' and possibly even say it next time you hear a quip about 'not setting chairs up' or sucking up to the head or whatever. Who cares. And what's more, you have your best friend with you. It's not like you're alone in this.

NewName24 · 04/03/2024 20:40

noctiscaelum · 04/03/2024 19:57

Tbh, people don't really care, they have enough things to deal with their lives. I think you are being paranoid.

Some people just drop and run. Some people spend time with other parents. Some people look nice, because they need to be somewhere, like work. I don't think they have time to judge you.

They really don't care, imo.

This.

Really, no-one cares.

ToastyBreads · 04/03/2024 20:50

Op, you have made big, negative judgments about the people you are accusing of judging you. I agree with the other posters, I really don’t think they care as much about you or your friend as you think.

BelfastBelle05 · 04/03/2024 20:53

OP you are one to talk when you too are making big and unkind judgements about them! I suspect that you’re just paranoid, nobody really cares that much. They can keep to themselves just like you and your friend do, it doesn’t have to be a big issue

frozendaisy · 04/03/2024 21:14

You have a friend there
You do the school run to get your kid(s) into school in the morning
And the only thing that really matters is your child seeing you at the end of the day wanting to hear about whatever is important to them that afternoon.

That's it.

You don't do the bare minimum you support, buy, contribute what you can.

So breathe out.
Enjoy listening to your child's news, say hi to your friend and zone out the "bare minimums"

It's not worth a moment more of your headspace.

Original poster
Racheltanner1995 · 05/03/2024 09:16

frozendaisy · 04/03/2024 21:14

You have a friend there
You do the school run to get your kid(s) into school in the morning
And the only thing that really matters is your child seeing you at the end of the day wanting to hear about whatever is important to them that afternoon.

That's it.

You don't do the bare minimum you support, buy, contribute what you can.

So breathe out.
Enjoy listening to your child's news, say hi to your friend and zone out the "bare minimums"

It's not worth a moment more of your headspace.

Thank you :)

OP posts:
Original poster
Racheltanner1995 · 05/03/2024 09:22

noctiscaelum · 04/03/2024 19:57

Tbh, people don't really care, they have enough things to deal with their lives. I think you are being paranoid.

Some people just drop and run. Some people spend time with other parents. Some people look nice, because they need to be somewhere, like work. I don't think they have time to judge you.

They really don't care, imo.

They care enough to make comments though lol, if they didnt care then they wouldnt be making snarky comments. they would just carry on with their day like i do. yes i made this post to see if anyone else was dealing with the same thing and to get some reassurance.

OP posts:
Original poster
Racheltanner1995 · 05/03/2024 09:24

BelfastBelle05 · 04/03/2024 20:53

OP you are one to talk when you too are making big and unkind judgements about them! I suspect that you’re just paranoid, nobody really cares that much. They can keep to themselves just like you and your friend do, it doesn’t have to be a big issue

you would think so but they care enough to make snarky comments? its not really judgemental on my part really just telling you how they actually are.

OP posts:
LightDrizzle · 05/03/2024 09:32

Unless you are smoking, swearing, or trailing badly behaved dogs then I’m very surprised they are actually commenting about you.

Do you nod and say a brief hi? I’m just wondering if you are giving off hostile vibes which can easily happen when we are shy or overwhelmed. The body language can be similar, rigid, no eye contact, defensive body language ….

Anyway, they sound very unpleasant and you certainly aren’t missing out.

Original poster
Racheltanner1995 · 05/03/2024 09:42

LightDrizzle · 05/03/2024 09:32

Unless you are smoking, swearing, or trailing badly behaved dogs then I’m very surprised they are actually commenting about you.

Do you nod and say a brief hi? I’m just wondering if you are giving off hostile vibes which can easily happen when we are shy or overwhelmed. The body language can be similar, rigid, no eye contact, defensive body language ….

Anyway, they sound very unpleasant and you certainly aren’t missing out.

thank you for your reply,

at first i said hi to them, untill they started to be abit stand offish around me and my friend (they would turn their backs if they see us walking down the road) at first we was like "oh ok" and then the comments was being made, we have another school mum who they talk to which is how we found out that they have been making comments about us not helping as with school functions. Then we heard them say the "bare minimum" comment as we was walking out the school gates.

im not one to normally be fussed about what they have to say, but i physically dont have time to do more. I dont really see why they have a problem with us, its not like were rude or unpleasant, it just seems like either we missed something. They have Never even asked us direct to help either so its not like we have said no over and over again to help. theres a group chat for my daughters glass we are on and nothing has been put on their about helping either. Seems so strange to all of a sudden turn like that.

OP posts:
LightDrizzle · 07/03/2024 10:25

They are not very nice people. They really lack imagination if it doesn’t occur to them that not everyone has the extra capacity or even inclination to help out with school events.

It’s just like school itself, sometimes you luck out with your classmates and sometimes you land with a cliquey set.

This stage won’t last, thank god! Secondary is totally different. All you can do it make sure you model courtesy and inclusion to your children in the hope they grow up differently.

mindutopia · 07/03/2024 10:54

This definitely isn't my experience at all. I barely speak to anyone on the school run or notice them. A few times a week I may say hello or chat for a few minutes with one of the dc's friends parents, especially if we are organising something. There are no cliques - unless you count the group of mums who go for a dog walk together every Tuesday as they all have Tuesday off work.

I think you may just be expecting too much in terms of friendliness and relationships at the school gates. Some people chat because they are friends, but I think you don't need to overthink it more than that. Just get in/out with the kids and get on with the day.

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