Please help me feel less shit about my appearance. Feeling genuinely really low about it

[Aperolol]

Hi,

I already have this running in S&B, but thought I'd bung it here too for traffic.

So I've got the 4 0 coming up very shortly and whereas I know that's not old, I'm doing that typical 'oh, I'm fine with it...it's actually quite liberating' to "what?!How am I 40?! 😱'

I've always felt I looked OK. Have always had hang ups, don't get me wrong, but I scrubbed up well and got plenty of compliments. Now, I just feel like no amount of 'scrubbing' helps. It's all happened so quickly. That's how it feels anyway. My skin is really starting to sag and I'm getting my family jowls, my under eyes look awful - dark and hollow...but sometimes puffy too. My hair used to be long, thick and glossy, now it's thin on top, with a matronly hairline and candy floss textured. Oh and I've developed loads of greys too over the past couple of years.

Been away with DP for the night and normally I'd really enjoy getting all dressed up, but once I had finished last night, I just looked in the mirror and thought 'well that was a waste of time' and also 'where did I go?!' I know that's very cliche, but that's where I am and I was close to tears.

I often find myself close to tears about it actually. I feel invisible now and I didn't think people felt that way at this age. Actually I'd go as far as to say I feel quite ugly. I keep looking into treatments and potions to help me feel better about myself, but I would hate to look too 'done'. I have a Foreo Bear, but that's as invasive as I've been and tbh, I don't see any difference.

Not really sure why I'm posting this. Just wanted to get it out I suppose. Dp thinks I'm being overly self critical, but let's be honest, they're hardly going to say they see where I'm coming from, are they? 😳

Is this a common feeling at this age?

I totally agree with Geebray, your husband doesn't see you as ugly as don't use negative talk with him.

But by the same token please do not use self talk towards yourself. Change your appearance if you wish to, get clothes you like that make you feel good but also talk kindly to yourself.

CBT doesn't work for everyone but if you need some counselling you might find a different form that works well for you.

Good luck.

@emmzi thank you for your lovely compliment. It made me smile.

@Geebray and @Italiangreyhound I completely get what you're saying and I would be lying if I said I didn't say these things in front of DP sometimes. They only say very positives things about my appearance and are desperate for me not to go down the needle route and would be genuinely upset if I did.

So, on reflection, I will try really hard to stop using this negative language regarding my looks. Well actually, regarding all of me. I think this thread has really highlighted how unhealthy this is, so I'm glad I started it and I hope it's also helping others too.

What are your financial resources, OP, and what are your internal resources (e.g. overcoming procrastination, being able to stick with things)?

For instance, I am finding a microcurrent tool really good. I use it daily and it's already making a difference. But it cost a lot.

I know I stick with it because it's something I can do myself and it's an outside the skin intervention. Even with simple stuff like supplements, I find it much harder to be consistent with anything that goes on the inside of my body (food. supplements, Profhilo injections etc).

You are beautiful, but you may not always see it. We are fed a diet of altered 'perfected' images on TV, social media and magazines and we doubt ourselves. Look for the beauty and you will find it. XX

I am early 50s and don't find ageing easy, but try to remind myself that I look better now that I ever will again in my life. So I should enjoy it. Because I will feel pretty bloody stupid looking back when I am 60 and think, what was I moaning about, I looked great!

Don't waste your 40s moaning about how you look. You look better now that you ever will again. Honestly, you'll regret wasting this time when you are older.

And take up something active. Feeling strong and capable in your body is a huge distraction from wasting time just focussing on how you look.

Good for you OP! Less negative self-talk is, I'm sure, something we could all do with.