Help me show compassion to this colleague

[Inchimoocha]

I work very closely with a colleague in a very small team. We will be working together for another few months before I will be reshuffled elsewhere.

Colleague is sweet but has a lot of mental health problems which impact on her ability to perform the role. I'm not going to give specifics but she is consistently dropping the ball. Management is aware and I have told them that if colleague drops the ball, I'm not picking it up as I have my own workload. When we started working together I tried very hard to take her under my wing and made a big effort to be compassionate, even if it meant me taking on her work.

I've stopped because it was very, very stressful. I know I will be moving on to another team in a few months but need some help to deal with some of the emotions I feel when colleague is not undertaking her tasks adequately. I've stopped reminding her as I have my own work to concentrate on and, for my own mental health, have had to step back. In the past I was polite and direct but it made no difference so I've stopped explaining things as we both have the same level of experience in the field. I've had to completely shut off from caring about her side of things.

I'm not sure how management is dealing with this or planning to deal with it, as its not my problem. My colleague is underperforming and I'm not, so will leave it at that. However, whilst I do feel very frustrated at times, I still want to treat colleague with kindness. Our time working together will be over soon and I want to know that I treated her with respect, while still maintaining my own boundaries.

When I'm feeling overwhelmed, I do make efforts to leave the working environment for a few minutes, to give us both a little space. I also use a lot of polite greyrock techniques so I don't get drawn into any conversations which I feel would trigger my annoyance. Colleague seems very emotionally fragile and I would rather just concentrate on my own performance and not get drawn into anything.

Just to clarify, i tried very hard to support colleague at the beginning. Things would improve for a while and then go back to how they were.

Management is aware but I just need some tips on how to manage the last few months while maintaining my own dignity and professionalism.

I'm glad things have improved for you!

I am also much happier, I got another job which I start in a couple of months. Can't wait!

Te relief poured out of your post OP. Sad that it’s been allowed to get to this point, I just can’t believe they’re allowing so many great employees suffer for one person, doesn’t make sense - why is she not on performance management?

Op, I feel for you going through this. But perhaps you can shift the mindset so looking back you see it differently. This very stressful period has made you: realise you have needs, and you cannot always pick up and carry all the people alongside you. It’s given your enormous practice in resilience, maintaining calm and managing stress- even if it didnt always work and was too much for you in the end, you still practiced it all day long for months. You’ve had practice in articulating problems to your boss and their boss. You’re approx my age so there is a lot of work to come, and this gain in resilience, inner calm, and assertiveness will serve you well. Additionally, you’ve made your husband see that you aren’t the service human to do the thinking at home and he’s stepped up- let’s say you have a good 30-40 yesrs of happy active married life, that’s 30-40 years of benefiting every single day from a lower mental load because your husband now pulls his weight more. That is invaluable- you’ll be happier, more in love, less stressed and burnt out, which makes you healthier, and with more time to look after yourself which makes you more likely to be healthier for longer. The stress and difficulty of working with this colleague may actually have made the entire rest of your life better and easier for you. Just a thought!

No advice or useful comment. I just want to wish you well, OP.

Oh yes, this times a million! This has been a really life changing experience for me and I've learned so much. I actually think that I don't even know the half of what learning is yet to come, and as I move further from the situation and can look back on it with retrospective eyes, I know I will glean further insights. My marriage actually has already improved as my husband took on more responsibility at home and he has been really protective and supportive of me in way I haven't seen in a long time.i believe I will look back on this experience and be strangely glad it happened. To write it down makes it seem silly but I tried so hard that it made me ill. However I think there will be such growth in this season. When I was off sick, I kept reminding myself that the most fertile soil is the soil that's the most full of crap, dead things and rot! And I'm feeling the relief now!

I have absolutely no idea. It's shocking but think she's on the bottom of their to-do list and things might get too messy.

Oh my gosh, that's fab!!! I'm so happy for you! Well done! Did you tell your boss why?

I'm going to sound harsh but I agree with alot of posters here. This person sounds like a complete drain. The fact others have warned you and he or she has never been pulled up is mad. I used to be like you all nice and pulling up a chair to listen to endless drivel now I say ah what a shame and get on with my work. Poor management has alot to answer for here.

I've been reflecting on why management hasn't been more involved and to be honest, our company has had several massive setbacks/issues/events that have needed to be cleaned up since a takeover which occurred shortly after I arrived. The last owner of the company left current management with much bigger fish to fry, if that makes sense. So their eyes have been somewhat diverted.

Something else is that this person seems so fragile, vulnerable and sensitive that I think everyone has a 'worst case scenario' play out in their minds, if you get my drift. My mind goes there when I imagine what would happen if she got the surveillance she needs.