Screen limits now in operation - help!

[GauntJudy]

I'd really appreciate some help and no judgement please as I feel like a big failure about this!

I have been too relaxed in giving my 9yo dc screentime, specifically playing roblox. I told myself it was good for him to relax outside of school, and that at least there was a social element when he does calls with various friends BUT I can now see it's just dominating his interest to the exclusion of other things (like going outside, making plans with friends etc)

This is totally 100% my fault as I'm a lone parent.

I want to take steps to address this silly situation I've created. I've therefore set up Microsoft Family Safe to limit overall screentime and within that limited roblox. I think it's still pretty generous but should give time for him to pause and do other things.

Day 1 starts tomorrow (or today as its gone midnight). I predict lots of drama and upset when the time expires.

Does anyone have any advice? Do I just explain it's better for his brain and body or is there another way to explain this? Has anyone experienced doing this and come through the other side better off?

Thanks!

What time limits have you set? You might find that he starts clock watching and is restless til it's time to go on his screens.
It might be easier to just take it away altogether.

I used articles to back up what I was saying so my dc didn't think I was just out to spoil their fun.

It's something he really enjoys and plays with friends in real time so i don't want to remove it completely. My main issue is with the chunks of time when he is just sitting silent and not engaging, whilst playing games with no skill or thought (90% of roblox).

I thought this article was quite helpful, which says that the new rules around screens might become normal after a couple of weeks if I'm consistent. Although I'm not sure about the bit saying extra time could be given as a reward, that seems to send the wrong message somehow

https://childmind.org/article/screen-time-during-the-coronavirus-crisis/

I think you just explain the time limit and why are you are setting one.
He will clock watch until he's allowed on it but that will pass and he'll get used to the new rules.
Please also read up on the risks of Roblox it's the one game we've said 100% no too as whilst it's a 7 rating users can create content that's outside of this rating there is also a risk of online bullying etc within it.

My boys are younger so I’m not there yet with video games etc, however I can totally understand OP how easy it is to give in to screen time. My eldest is 3 and LOVES the tv, ipad, my phone and I often find myself giving it to him throughout the day as I know that way I can get things done knowing he is occupied! So don’t be hard on yourself, there is probably a lot that you are juggling.

It sounds as though he is at the age where you don’t need to sugarcoat things, I’d lay down the new rules and explain why over a nice breakfast this morning.

Just a suggestion but my brother and SIL have started to encourage their eldest (similar age to yours) to undertake small domestic jobs now to earn either a bit of money or perhaps earn some screen time?

I have been thinking about ways to establish more responsibility, like chores @Bunbum. I worry that I'm raising a person who will expect everything to be done for him. I think I'm going through a bit of a parenting reset at the minute, just because my former easy going approach hasn't resulted in what I expected (although ds is kind mature, funny and overall lovely, I don't think he appreciates what he has).

I'm not sure about making more screen time a reward for chores. It would be a great motivator but might send the message that you get screen's when you are "good" (and therefore you don't if you are "bad"). Or is that bollocks??! I don't know!

Thanks @Monkeybutt1 I know what you mean about Roblox, it's got terrible parent controls too. Wish you could block individual games. I am in the same room as his device so can monitor what he's doing and chat is turned off, so it's not a complete free for all.

Just hold firm. Have nice things planned for when the screentime runs out / be ready to entertain him for now eg by playing games, going to the park etc rather than expecting him to suddenly find different things to do. Consider a trip to the works / hobbycraft / Poundland type place for him to choose some non screen based activities and/or to the library to choose some great books he’s excited about reading.

Good luck! I am a great believer in limiting screentime. I see the impacts too much has on dc every day as a teacher and am very strict with my own dc, who are far happier and more interesting for it!

Stick with it op and you'll see the benefits later in life.
You'll need to put the work in now to 'create' the teenager and adult.
Chores is an excellent idea. Mine do chores without complaint as teenagers because I got them doing chores when young. I stressed that doing chores came along with being part of the family team and we can all help each other out.
Apparently it's one of the predictors of how successful they'll be as an adult as it builds a work ethic, a sense of responsibility and achievement.

When mine were younger, I had a printed sheet up on the back of their door with a list of things to do before screentime.
This was mostly for the weekend and holidays.
It had things like do your chores, read for 20 mins, do your hw, do an activity. Do something active.
I wanted to show them that screen time wasn't a priority, but it was for relaxing when everything was done.

agree with others. Hold firm. Be prepared for constant moaning and whining until it is gaming time and again when it's over. Do not give in, do not give 5 more minutes. Give a 10 then 5 then 1 minute warning when it's time to come off it so it does not come as a surprise. Do not expect him to dive into other activities straight away, there will be lots of moaning.

I've had my fair share of screen time battles with 2 ds who have quite addictive personalities and are like you describe but have now settled into a routine of 1-2 hours per day Saturday and Sunday only. The games console is in the living room so a communal area meaning they have to play together and I sometimes join in too. If they misbehave, fight or argue or haven't done all their chores or homework they don't get this either. I am strict but I have to be and it is for their own good.

I read your first paragraph in the style of the man in Gremlims telling Billy's dad how to care for a Mogwai! All good advice though, and may prevent nice lad from turning into a Gremlin

I have a kid with SEN, who uses screen time to self regulate and also to socialise a bit, as she really struggles in real life. In the past she would have been in her screen all day if allowed, but now she has reached a better balance.

We have some basic limits set, like time it comes on and time it goes off. Some apps we don't allow at all, like you tube, as she just watches mindless crap. Also don't allow access to any search engines. Also anything competitive is a real challenge as she does not handle that well at all.

Anything creative, like minecraft or drawing apps, she can use as much as she likes in the time limits she has. We aren't going to allow roblox for a while yet (if ever) because of the inability to block individual games.

For us, having the tablet automatically shut off, rather than us taking it off her was really helpful. She just seemed to accept it more.

One thing we learned the hard way, think very carefully about what you allow, because taking it away will be painful. Better to just say no if you have any doubts.

@GauntJudy 🤣🤣🤣