Sibling age gap - what’s ideal?

[Righttoacquire]

Highly subjective I know, but in a world where you don’t have the pressure of time…

What age gap do you think is ideal between children? Particularly if you’re only having two!

I always said around 2 years or less.
We only have one DC so not going from personal experience.

My friend has 2 under 2, it's tough but she is happy to be getting out of nappies and all that jazz around the same time. Getting it all done it one go almost.

I think once it passes 2/3 years for me, it's too big of a gap for them to appreciates eachother before they make mates and don't want to play together anyway.

But that was just my opinion and as I se how friends have gone.

I love the 3 year gap between mine and I would never change it. We just have 2 DC.

2 years. They are broadly into the same kind of shit. Get the baby stage done.

I read on here that science says under 18 months or over 5 years yo minimize sibling rivalry.

Ideally 2 years

I agree. I have a 3.5 year gap and feel it’s slightly too big. With hindsight a 2.5 year gap would’ve been better.

Honestly there isn't one. It's also so circumstance and personality dependent and anyway lots of conception is totally outside of people's control. I think there's pros and cons to all age gaps really.

There's about 3.5 yrs between DC1 and DC2 . I'm pregnant and there will be about 3yrs between DC2 and DC3. Don't think we can afford or fit in our house anymore after #3 sadly but also that will be a fairly long period of our lives in the trenches with little ones given we've spaced them out so I think that will be another reason to stop there. I can see the advantages to smaller gaps, and ours would both have been a bit smaller each time if we'd have conceived quicker but that was beyond our control, and there's certainly advantages to the age gaps we have too. My two have always adored each other and they play together a fair nowadays.

Bear in mind older years… so having 2 at uni at same time

3 years was perfect for us - older one could dress herself and was toilet trained, she could continue at nursery and had an understanding about a sibling arriving. As they’ve got older it’s a nice gap in terms of playing together.

3.5 year age gap here. I can't say whether that was better or worse for them really getting on, but practically it made sense. Only one at the childminder, then the older one started school before I needed childcare after maternity for the 2nd (still expensive with wraparound for several years!). Only one going through the gcse/a level stress at a time. Only one in uni at a time.

We have 3.5 years (not chosen). Boy then girl. Big enough gap to avoid competition. No heavy duty childcare was involved. DD got lots of 1:1 time as a baby and toddler.

They were very close until they were about 11/14. They were insufferable together in their teens and early 20s but now have a close brother/sister relationship.

For the mother, the current recommendation is to wait at least 18-24 months before trying to conceive (the more difficult the previous pregnancy and birth, the more leaning towards later) to try to ensure full recovery and prevent the risks from nutritional depletion that can come from pregnancies too close together. This can be monitored in other ways like nutritional and inflammation blood check, but general for the last 10-15 years or so, an at least 18-24 months wait is the ideal recommendation

When I had mine, that recommendation was 12-18 months, and mine are a bit more than that being about 2.5 years apart. They get on great most of the time, are really close, their relationship I have no concerns on, but I physically would probably have benefitted waiting a bit longer - or at least sought out a nutritional panel first rather than just relied on weight as was common at the time. I've had issues since with severe nutritional deficiencies from multiple pregnancies close together without having that checked, some of them still affect me so many years on. I've no regrets, but it is a risk I think matters in this type of discussions.

2 years between dc 1 and 2 and then 18 months between 2 and 3. I think 2 years was perfect. The 18 months gap was hard work but given we have 3 children, it meant there's not a massive gap between eldest and youngest. They played together, we went through the same stages together as a family and as adults they're all still very close. I really wouldn't have wanted to go back to the nappies and sleepless nights after getting through the baby stage and I wouldn't have wanted a big gap with kids with very different needs and interests either.

18m between mine. Perfect - until I forgot whose nappy I'd just changed! Popped my 18m on his feet to toddle off, but, it wasn't. It was my newborn, and he didn't toddle off!

DC2 survived many a head first, down the stairs jaunt before he was born. I expect he was prepared for when he was born and then being dropped all over. No wonder he was walking at 9m. Self preservation!

Both are mid 20s now, so no harm done!

How can there be one answer, every parent and every child is different

We had 2.5 years (accidentally) and it was great. Eldest was just out of cot and potty trained but still young enough that they play together great now (4 and 2). No idea how it will transpire when they grow up! It did work out quite well with nursery funded hours too.

I absolutely and subjectively agree with this based on our 14 month age gap and then a bonus baby when the older 2 were 5 & 6.

The older two are like quasi twins that have been developmentally similar and have the same friendship group, clubs, activities, etc.

The 3rd slotted in and completed the family because the older 2 were old enough to understand the feeding, naps, cuddles, and wanted to participate in it all. With that age gap they are very much the "big siblings".

Massively depends on personal circumstances, and how hard you find DC1. I had DS1 and DD1 a year apart, due the same day (and yes, I have heard all of the jokes 😂) and actually it wasn't that bad most of the time. The first few months were hard as I went back to work and some nights I would have not much sleep, but as they were growing up, they enjoyed the same things and they were friends. I then had a 6 year gap (not my choice, fertility) and then had DD2 and DS2 15 months apart. DD2 fitted in well, doted on by the other two, DS2 was hard work, had colic, then a fairly difficult toddler. The main practical issues were having all four at (at one point) 3 different schools, and just "man-marking them. Holidays were interesting with 4 children. Expensive, and constantly troublesome, but we were like a little tribe and I think it made them "hardy" because there was no chance of being over-indulged. The nice thing is DD1 really loved having two younger siblings and would often help with them. DS1 went off the rails a bit as a teenager, and I can remember that was hard (dealing with him when I had children under 10 in bed). The youngest is 18 now, and although they gripe at each other, they all get on well enough, with real friendship between the girls. I think any issue I have is more to do with having four, than an age gap, but my experience of age gaps is "a year-ish" or "6 years-ish", not your typical. HTH,xx

The most common gap amongst friends is 12-24 months. Mine is 15 months and it has been perfect for us. I would have loved to have twins and a close age gap has been the next best thing - dressing them the same and having photos of them together and taking them on days out. Dc2 has always been larger and slightly more advanced than dc1 so they've been mistaken for twins often.

We were lucky to have a lot of support from my parents and paid childcare, so it wasn't too stressful having 2 young dcs. I was still able to take dc2 to baby classes and do lots of one to one bonding activities, and have always been able to spend one to one time with both dcs. I think the only people I know with bigger gaps are those who are forced into it to avoid overlapping nursery costs, or their partner took a long time to agree, or they had secondary fertility issues or other medical problems, or couldn't afford a larger property yet.

I got pregnant again when my first was 15 months, so 2yrs, 4months, when 2nd was born. I think it's perfect. I would absolutely do it again if I had a do-over.

Mine have a three year gap, and it works well. Close enough to be friends but far enough not to be forced together. No simultaneous exam years, and you are less likely to be paying out for two children at university at the same time.

This will be my age gap, im due this month so reassuring to read this!

My two have a ten year age gap and it's great. They have a really nice close relationship and play together without any competition or bickering.

I did 4yrs, this was perfect for me. I was not ready for No2 for a while. No2 was born as No1 started school, enjoying that quality time with newborn No2 whilst No1 was at school and I didn't incur 2x nursery fees.

2.5 - 3 years I think is best, bit of time to pace yourself, but still close enough in age to play / be good friends. This is the most common gap now due to nursery and uni costs … so most my friends siblings sets are also the same ages. Two under two seems to be rarer these days.