Husbands and kids

[Kmumofthree37]

Hi I’m a mum of 3 boys ages 13,8,7 I have a history of depression of which I’m on treatment for, but lately I’m struggling my kids I only seem to see when they want feeding hydration or money for something I’m guessing this is common and I may be overthinking it but I’m feeling lonely in a full house there’s an Xbox in every room. I don’t have any personal space seeing to the kids , cooking, cleaning, laundry are all my roles as well as family mediator, referee, therapist that includes immediate family my husband used to help out I mentioned multiple times everything should be 50/50 in our house but falls on deaf ears. He was diagnosed with severe opstructive sleep apnea a few years ago and I’m trying to be sympathetic but these days of a night he stays up all night on Xbox if he can then sleeps all day we alternate school run for younger 2 but that’s the extent of his help. I can’t seem to talk to him as he gets defensive or makes a joke and says a woman’s job I was thinking of starting a blog just to vent but thought here might be better any advice would be greatly appreciated

I think op, the issue can't be sleep apnea when he's staying up all night on the xbox like he's a teenager...

Ultimately I think you need to take a bit of time and think about what it is that YOU want and need. Because your wants and needs are important too. Then you need to find space to sit down with your dh one to one when it's quiet and tell him that you've been thinking and you need these things and they are non negotiable. That things absolutely cannot continue as they have been and while he's making jokes about the role of women, his actions are showing they aren't really jokes at all because he's not supporting you or respecting you. He's taking you for granted and that's unhealthy in your relationship.

I would lay out clear things you want him to help with, devise a clear plan that splits jobs in the house (some of which should include your children) and utilitise a family planner with who has what jobs. I'd also be saying you want to schedule in alone time for both of you as individuals, as a couple and time for all of you as a family so that your family unit has a better balance. I think you need to be really direct with him about the effect this is having on you and if it's at the point where you're reconsidering the relationship.

If he can't (won't) step up then you need to decide if this is something you can live with long term. Marriage counselling might help as well. I understand its easy to fall into a rut or where things are very uneven especially if illness is a factor, but you both need to look after yourselves so he has to do more.

Obstructive sleep apnea does not make a man a sexist, x box playing, lazy jerk. That is all him. Decide if you can put up with it. He thinks you have four children and he is the oldest with the least responsibility.