Handling jealousy

[Bubidoo]

I have never had many friends and put this down to quite severe mood swings. I find I can be super happy, bubbly and sociable willing to chat and listen to anyone to really down and pretending not to see people out and about so I don't have to speak to them.

I've been off work with stress for the last few weeks and a friend has just messaged me asking how I am accompanied by a paragraph about a promotion at work and their exercise accomplishments. I want to be happy for them but I'm so jealous. I will respond when I'm ready - I certainly want to be pleased for them and keep them as a friend. Does anyone else deal with these feelings regularly? It really is no wonder people don't want to spend time with me because I feel horrible.

No I don’t feel jealous of my friends, but I know that jealousy is an issue for some people.

I think jealousy isn’t about the other person it’s about feelings of unhappiness in your own life.

Tricky one.

I have never been a jealous type.

However, very late in life I am getting twinges of it. A friend of mine was dying to tell me some good news, I think about work. And although I am pleased for her, and she is a lovely person, she has also it seems to me had a very fortunate life. Everything seems to have gone right for her and she has never had to struggle. Even in difficult and unconventional circumstances she does what she likes - and things come out sunny and great for her! I had a similar experience to her and it all turned seriously difficult, even traumatic.

However one can take comfort in the fact that we nearly all have some positives special to us, that we sometimes forget. Also, it is true that sometimes struggle does sometimes help build personality and character. Finally, the reality is that there is always someone better off or having an easier time than you. So you may as well focus on and enjoy what you have already and make the most of it.

Jealousy is also somewhat natural phenomenon, so personally I am sensitive as to what I share especially with people who have (even) less than me! Other people sometimes forget this, but that is just sometimes part of their lack of awareness (an easier life perhaps) and can’t be helped I suppose.

What’s it telling you op. Do you wish to get more exercise? What’s stopping you? Do you want to achieve more at work? Why don’t you move to another job?

what other things do you get envious of? As said envy simply tells us it’s something we want, so use it to focus on putting plans in place to achieve those things,

The only way to avoid it is to focus on what YOU are grateful for. Comparing yourself to others is always a recipe for misery.

I think it just highlights what you want, so you should use it as motivation to achieve what you want or make changes in your own life.

op, you started the thread due to your issues in this area , are you coming back, do you wish to discuss?

Its completely my own problem and i think that's what I'm struggling with. It's like no matter what my circumstances were, I'd still want something different.

For me and this friend, we started in the same position in the same large company at the same time. 6 years later we have moved around the company and so are now in different senior admin roles albeit at the same level. We don't overlap at all and only chat about work when we meet for coffee. We've both found out roles quite tough but now I feel like he's excelling and I'm failing. While I try to carve out time for personal goals, he does not have the same level of commitments as I do (no children, no commute etc). I fantasised today about going back to retail work which I was well suited to in my 20s but know I'll always feel left behind financially. Honestly, I guess I don't really know what I want. I'm not career orientated nor am I a natural mother.

Reading back, I'm not portraying myself in a good light at all though this self pity is a common occurrence for me.

You just sound like a really unhappy person to me. So it seems a bigger issue here?

My moods swing quite dramatically. I can go from feeling deeply unhappy to over excited and chatty. It's quite difficult to regulate.