Did you have a ‘difficult’ three year old, and what are they like now?

[Windandrainandcold]

Initially when my DS turned three things seemed to be better - had a very trying time as terrible twos - but now things seem to have taken a turn for the worse again.

I need some hope here, does it get better? And when? I feel at the moment it’s constant conflict with him which I hate but although I try really hard to praise him whenever I get an opportunity it’s as if he prefers negative attention. I don’t want to be horrible about him, he does have good points but I feel absolutely drained by him and I’m actually looking back with nostalgia to terrible twos which I never thought I’d do!

Monstrous three year old. She made every trip out of the house a nightmare. A few times I was tempted to run away and change my name.
Now she is 17 and lovely. She was lovely from 4. But 3!! Awful.

Watching your post with interest! My ds is now 4.5 and has been a handful from the minute he turned one 🙃 he is physically on the go 24/7 and it's exhausting! If it's any help I've found that 2 and 3 were more challenging than 4. Thankfully now he listens a bit better and will actually sit down for half an hour to watch his tablet. But he still climbs and jumps a lot.
At 2 and 3 he would have constantly run off which meant that going anywhere was a nightmare. That has improved in the last year. Hopefully when your ds turns 4 and starts school you'll notice a difference.

Oh god we're in the terrible twos right now and I was comforting myself that once he turned three he'd be easier. It's not just being active it's the tantrums, they're non stop and so tiring. He's actually not that badly behaved but if he doesn't want to do something or doesn't get his way omg the screaming. Yesterday he was tantrumming on and off all day about me not carrying him (I carried him plenty of times but once I dared run upstairs to grab something and didn't carry him up with me), he even woke himself up having the same tantrum in his dream! He's worse when he's tired but he's insisting he doesn't want to nap. Exhausting.

@Kinsters it is easier in some ways but I get a lot of rudeness and refusal to cooperate because he finds it funny rather than because he doesn’t understand or whatever. So frustrating.

My youngest was horrendous at 2/3. She was a biter - she'd haveva temper tantrum and actual say "I'll bite you". Absolute demon child.

Some time before turning 4 she just seemed to get up one day and decide not to be an arse anymore as she seemed to realise you catch more flies with honey than vinegar. She's 16 now and has been an absolute dream of a daughter for over 12 years. Really smart, funny, gorgeous, kind and helpful. There's been no answering back or arguing, she has only had 1 "behaviour point" in her entire time at school and is a model student with predicted 8s and 9s in her GCSEs. Could not be prouder! And she was the absolute worst of 3 siblings as a toddler.

Ah thank you … it’s such a difficult age. It’s been a while since I’ve woken up and dreaded the day ahead.

I found school starting to be a turning point. They use a lot of mental energy there and it doesn't leave much over for tantrums.

ugh still over 18 months to go … I was holding out for four, but then I held out for three 😂

My eldest was really difficult at 3, the battles we used to have over such simple tasks like getting her dressed or getting into the car or being out in a shop. Now she’s 13, she bright, funny and lovely. She’s got strong opinions on fairness and calls out when she feels people are wrong, she still digs her heels in on certain topics but it’s well reasoned and thoughtful. Hang in there easier times are coming!

DS1 was challenging once he turned 3, he seemed to resist and rebel at everything and was very violent.

He is now almost 7 and has been diagnosed as autistic and has a PDA profile which explains his behaviour a lot.

We have changed our parenting style and things have dramatically improved. We also now home educate him.

Yep, one of mine was such hard work. I can remember being at my limit and wondering how I'd cope, but I did. I definitely adapted my parenting with her.

It got better from 4 but the meltdowns still occured, much less frequently, until she was about 6.

She's a teen now and is lovely.
She knows her own mind, is much more emotionally intelligent than my older laid back child and has excellent boundaries.

They do change when they are four, it's more backchat and just incessant talking than tantrums. Still hard work but different...maybe a change is as good as a rest

3 is horrendous! Even my chilled out child was a bit of a nightmare after turning 3. My more sensitive child was a ball of rage at 3. He’s 4.5 now and still frequently a bit stroppy but nothing like as difficult as he was at 3. We just kept on working on the emotional regulation. Best of luck!

My ds had constant hysterics from aged 2 to 11.

Nothing worked. Took him to doctors. Therapists. No help.

He's 18 now. Academically very capable but has failed school. He Can't tell the time. Hopeless at getting ready for anything or planning. Makes us late for everything. Stressful in his own way.

Can't wait until he leaves home.

I have hated being a parent because of him.

My dc wasn’t too bad at 3 but the school started complaining. Then I took them on holiday abroad aged 4 1/2 and they were so horrendous I took them to the doctor when I got back.

They did end up with multiple diagnoses and they had a terrible time at school.

I do think it depends and you can’t always tell. School is a major factor, as in lots of parents say their child is awful at home but doing well at school. Does your child go to nursery? How are they doing there?

He’s fine at nursery, of course! To be honest he wasn’t too bad until recently. He doesn’t have tantrums often but it’s just really naughty behaviour. This morning for instance he was messing about with a phone charger so I told him (nicely) not to and he was roaring with laughter and refusing to give it to me and lying on the sofa with it and roaring with laughter. Really hard to deal with.

He’s not too young for consequences.. sit on the step, go to your room for time out, no TV for a bit due to behaviour. It does get better

Out the other side anecdotally the only teen who is properly problematic at 15 was a beautifully behaved good as gold toddler.

Having been through the terrible threes which can be vile…on the occasions when they are being sweet, no one will ever love you like a three year old does and that I miss.

Sometimes TV off works but he has to be watching it. He doesn’t watch loads. Other consequences … just doesn’t care!

My boy was an absolute 3 year old horror!!! Terrible behaviour, pushing other children etc running wild. Nothing we did worked. All friends children were angels too 😢 But he grew out of it once he started school. Now still lively but in a good way. Kind gentle too. Hang in there.

My daughter was hard work from 18 months to 4 years. She was fine out of the house, but she became a no person, saying no to everything - teeth cleaning, seatbelts, bedtime etc. She had a lot of tantrums and night terrors, took ages to go to bed, and woke a lot. She was a good eater though.
At 4 she became the perfect child. So much happier. I think it was communication. She could express herself better. And she could do everything physically. She is really independent and helpful now, and I think she found being a toddler really frustrating.
Looking back, she did everything early - walking, toilet training etc. She is an absolute delight now.

Omg my DD was horrific at 3. Biting, hitting, tantrums, absolutely nonstop. She was a BIT better at 4, fairly reasonable at 5. She’s 6 in a few weeks and generally lovely, although still stubborn as a mule