Anyone with inattentive ADHD primary girl? Suspect DD does and want to be able to support

[KronkeyCroc]

Not sure this is the best place to post. I’m rubbish at mumsnet but need advice.

I suspect 8 yo DD may have inattentive ADHD. She has always been highly emotional and really struggles to concentrate on things and very forgetful and needs constant reminding to do tasks. Doing homework is painful. She can’t work independently and it takes ages with my constant prompting as she is always getting distracting and bouncing around on her chair/dancing/doing gymnastics. You can see the physical effort it takes her to look at the work on the page or think through a problem.

The list goes on and when reading up on it she does hit most if not all the inattentive symptoms (depending on what I’m reading). I know she is still young so this could all be developmental but her teacher now agrees she is struggling to concentrate in lessons and she is noticing herself that she can’t do what her friends do and is even starting to get teased for not finishing work/ being a slow writer. I don't want to label her but I do want to be able to support her and be able to push to get her appropriate support at school if she needs it.

But I’m not sure where I should go from here. The school senco is off sick so not sure I can do anything before she comes back or is replaced. Do I need to start pushing this year or should I wait longer to see if she improves. I think it’s starting to knock her self esteem even though we try and talk about not comparing and everyone does things in their own time and has their own strengths.

Even if she hasn’t does have it she struggles so anyone with tips on how I can help her concentration would be much appreciated.

Why don’t you have a chat with her teacher whilst the Senco is off and ask if they would support a referral.

I did speak to the teacher and he said he would have to speak to the senco when she comes back. I get the feeling all of this has to go through her.

You could speak to your GP. Different areas have different systems - in ours you need to be referred to a paediatrician, which only a GP can do. Other areas will have a pathway that starts with referrals from school.

That’s not acceptable unless it’s only a few days. There has to be someone else and if the teacher won’t help, go to the head and ask them.

I asked the GP before and it’s only through school here. The senco is on long term sick. I messaged the teacher with further concerns yesterday due to her being upset lots the last few weeks over it and being teased and I’ve not had a response. He is a young teacher so not sure he has experience of this. I do feel a chat with the head coming on. I’m not good at this as I’m quite a shy reserved person and a recovering people pleaser that doesn’t like a fuss. But I’ll have to pull on my big girl pants.

There is a helpful book called Smart But Scattered. Try some strategies from that while you're waiting for school to get their act together.

Thanks for the recommendation. I’ll check it out.

I've been where you are - my son is 30 now so you WILL get there I promise but it is bloody hard!
It's better in some ways these days as there's more awareness and help etc but first things first you need to get her assessed.
Soak to the school again and ask what can be done to support your daughter and get her in the list to be assessed asap. Just because the senco is off long-term sick there should be something put in place to cover that. Ask what it is. If you don't get anywhere go higher to the board if education (might be called something different where you are, I'm in Ireland).
Look up your local CAMHS and ask their advice too.
For your DD in the meantime, break everything down at home. Homework, do one thing have a break. Then another etc.
I used to have to sit with my son to get his homework done so I'm the end what worked for me (after trying everything else) he used to sit at the table and I'd help him while cooking tea - but everything he got up/distracted I'd divert him to grab me a spoon, peel a potato etc etc....
When he was older he found having headphones on listening to music helped him to actually concentrate and get work done quicker..... It really is finding what works for your DD x

I forgot to say, routine is everything.
Having one specific chore that they were responsible for helped - feeding the cats, cleaning their room on a particular day etc.
X

I have a DD like this OP - she's away at a conservatoire now - but she didn't read or write until she was 8-9 and then only after I took her to a children's choir where she had to read the words to join in.

She just was not ready for formal schooling and it was so difficult to get her to do homework - I just told the school to stop sending it because it ruined our home life (and there is no evidence that homework is of any benefit at primary age). She would cry all the time and when she took her sats they put her in a separate room with a teacher and a box of doughnuts... 🤔

In her first year at senior school for her RE project on creation, she made a necklace out of loom bands with seven hanging charms each designed to represent one of the days. I had no idea she had done this and not written the assignment! But, her teacher was brilliant, accepted it, and wore it for the whole lesson after she handed it in!

I had resigned myself to her leaving formal schooling with no qualifications and gaining practical skills - she is fascinated by costume and sews really well. But she caught up rapidly at senior school and got 9 GCSEs from A* (in music and design/sewing) to C and two A levels and Grade 8 music exams. She is doing well!

I think our education system is not particularly good for the kids who don't confirm to it/aren't academic and sometimes you have to listen to them and trust them to make their path (and I say this as a university Professor with 4 kids at or been to university).

Thank you @Vergeofbreakdown23 and @Mytholmroyd for your replies. They are reassuring. I agree the education system isn’t geared up for those kids that don’t learn in the traditional way. She is a bright and capable. I hate to think of her not reaching her full potential or being written off because she can’t meet an arbitrary standard.

Friends of mine have the same concerns about their 7yo DD.

I'm a very experienced primary school teacher, with a lot of experience of kids with ADHD. I personally don't see it (have known their DD since birth and have always had a good relationship with her), but am happy to accept that she may well be masking when not exclusively with her nuclear family.
School don't see anything of it either.

Parents have gone for a private referral, which I believe is happening in the next month or so.

@KronkeyCroc have you ever seen Ken Robinson's famous (76 million views) Ted Talk (or any of his equally good other ones?) on our education system and how it fails some kids? Well worth watching if you haven't and it's very funny!

https://www.ted.com/talks/sir_ken_robinson_do_schools_kill_creativity

He wrote a couple of easy to read books - Finding your element was one - which I can recommend!

No I haven’t. Thanks! I’ll watch when kids are in bed.

Hi. I’ve just come across this post. My advice is please please get her assessed for adhd. I had loads of suspicions about my daughter when she was in primary school but was fobbed off by unsupportive teachers / lack of senco provision. Then Covid hit. We battled through and made huge adjustments to family life to facilitate her needs (including me changing jobs). We muddled through but I absolutely regret not doing the assessment earlier. I now have a very very anxious, depressed 13 year old at secondary school who is struggling with friends, social anxiety, poor self-esteem. When puberty hits, it’s like the ADHD goes on steroids.. I’m now in a queue fjr an assessment meanwhile supporting a awesome girl who is just finding life a massive struggle… although we don’t yet have an official assessment, we are all completely convinced she has it. Luckily school are being brilliant but please don’t wait to act, as the impact is enormous… good luck..