Self conscious switching from contacts to glasses

[Rosey51]

At 50, I've been a constant contact lense wearer for about 20 years (short sighted). First got glasses, with a very low prescription, in my late 20's and rarely wore them for about 3 years, moatly due to feeling really self conscious with this new look (after years of perfect vision growing up). Got contacts once prescription increased to the extent that I did not meet eyesight requirements for driving without glasses or contacts. Glasses as a back up but only ever worn for a couple of hours at home on rare occasions over the years. Never worn them to work or for social events.

Fast forward to age 47 and the shock of realising small print wasn't as clear with contacts in (still perfect with my naked eyes). Multi focal contacts don't work for me, despite persevering for about 6 months. Have been doing monovision for two years and now at 50 have gradually been wearing varifocal glasses occassionally, particularly for night time driving. Getting increasingly irritated to realise that distance is much better with the glasses. I know the distance issue would be solved by going back to distance contacts and succumbing to reading glasses over them. But I have always felt that it is such a sign of old age creeping up when it becomes necessary to whip out reading glasses every few minutes. Optician is happy to prescribe either or both options. For the best clarity, despite feeling self conscious in glasses, I think full time varifocal glasses might be preferable to the contacts and reading glasses combo.

I currently have two pairs of varifocals that I probably like more than any others that I've had over the years. I'm absolutely not into the trend of chunky dark frames and tend to choose discreet thin metal frames.

I don't get an objective opinion from nearest and dearest on whether or not glasses are an improvement on my regular face and the extent of how self conscious I am about the bespectacled look isn't really appreciated. I'd love to hear if any of you have similar hang ups about switching to glasses at the grand old age of 50 and your opinion on whether or not glasses generally improve a middle aged woman's appearance.

For some context, I have pretty low self esteem about my looks and don't want to make myself feel even more insecure. I'm a bit overweight, have a 'chubby' face, brown shoulder length hair and tend to prefer a casual look - barely there make up, jeans, ankle boots, with casual or dressy tops or casual blazer type jackets. Even in my professional role, I can get away with a smarter casual version of the same style. I don't like to draw attention to myself in terms of what I wear or how I style my hair. On a positive note, people who don't know me generally think that I'm in my early 40's (at least the non glasses wearing version of me).

The two pairs of glasses that I've been wearing a little bit more are in the attached photos (both slight cateye, one a brown metal semi rimless and the other a full frame metal brown with blueish bottom portion). Opinions please on whether or not they're seriously old fashioned or acceptable in 2024. Not going to post a photo of myself wearing them, but on a good day with decent hair styling, I sometimes feel they improve my chubby face and improve the proportions, and maybe even knock a few years off.

TBH, it's not about how the frames fit into the world of fashion, but more about how they make you feel - and you've said they make you feel better.
Both of them are minimalist and I can't see anything wrong with the style of either of them.
Why not try to go with the thought of 'bugger it, they're a nice style and I need them - sod what anyone else thinks'?
It's your face they'll be on after all, and anyone who feels they might like to make a comment is an arse - and you have my go-ahead to tell them so!

I've faced the same problem (worn contacts full time for 40 years) and HATE wearing glasses, I feel uncomfortable and self-conscious in them. My prescription is too strong for multifocal contacts and monovision worked for about 10 years but not any more. Determined to avoid reading glasses too.

So, instead of having full strength contacts I have them slightly under-corrected which means I can still read in them, then I have glasses to wear over them for driving. I'm still legal in the contacts but the glasses really sharpen up distant road signs and markings especially at night and reduce glare, I just keep them in the car (together with some full strength glasses for emergencies) and don't have to faff about with reading glasses.

I couldn't even tell you who wears glasses at work. I don't think it's something people notice after a while. Yes, I'd prefer not to wear them and do feel a bit frumpy in them but also know that no one cares or is giving it any thought but me.

This is it. When we put glasses on ourselves we look really critically but OP think how you look at other people - you see their face and glasses are a secondary detail. If you can, try not to worye what people think because it will be far less harsh than you imagine.

FWIW I think the frames are nice and I also think at our age we don't need to be constrained by fashion. I've never looked worse in glasses than when I got my first pair as a teenager and insisted on getting John Lennon round ones as those were the fashion. Looked awful on my long narrow face.

I felt so self conscious when I had to start wearing glasses, particularly at work. But nobody even noticed! Genuinely, I think unless you have a really distinctive or "out there" style of glasses on people just don't even register it.

For what it's worth, I have a chubby, round face and I think I actually look better wearing my glasses as they balance it out.

It's not just the look of glasses I dislike, it's all the practical aspects such as them getting wet, steaming up, being in the way when you need to do hair or make-up, falling off when you are exercising. In my case because my prescription is very strong the peripheral vision is much worse than with contact lenses too. I will do everything it takes to keep wearing my contacts.

Thanks for the replies - makes me feel much better to know I'm not alone in feeling self conscious about maybe switching from contacts to glasses. It's not a vanity thing, as i would never have considered myself good looking or pretty, just okay. It's more feeling like it's a public sign of ageing and a health flaw becoming evident when it wasn't while wearing contacts. (And I realise that a large proportion of the population have the same 'health flaw' of less than perfect eyesight so it should not be a big deal, and I'm grateful that I'm on the lower end of the scale of myopia, being - 2.25 and - 2.50).

Really interested in the suggestion from 'endlessly distracted' about glasses over contacts for driving. Your case sounds very similar to mine - although the optician describes my contacts prescription as monovision, it's actually a reduced distance power in each eye (just a marginal reduction in the dominant eye but halving the strength in the other eye). And this is what's becoming pretty irritating as I'm really aware that the distance is not sharp like it used to be, especially when driving. I plan to explore the driving glasses possibility on my next visit to the optician, as a bit of a compromise. At least it would save the current hassle of taking our contacts after I leave work, to put on glasses for the nighttime drive home, but then often putting in contacts again later for anything social due to the whole glasses self consciousness thing.

Thanks also for the opinions on my glasses. At least no indication of them being hideous or totally antiquated 😉

Also interested to hear from another self confessed 'chubby face' on the experience of glasses improving the proportions. That's how I feel when I look in the mirror in my more positive moments with glasses. I probably need to keep reinforcing that possible 'perk' in my mind!

Apart from exploring the driving glasses possibility, I'm going to try to break myself into wearing glasses a bit more, when out and about and not just behind closed doors at home or driving at night. One of my big concerns has always been the long term consequences of over wearing contacts and the fear that at some point I couldn't wear them at all. I know of a few people that this has happened to. Thankfully I don't suffer from dry eyes and despite the usual opticians lecture about not over wearing contacts, there haven't been any eye problems. So I should probably be sensible and take a couple of days break from contacts regularly and let the world see the bespectacled me on occasion and enjoy optimum clear distance vision on those glasses days (and like some have said, I know the world won't care, despite the fact that I have such a hang up about glasses!)

You do sound like me, last winter I was doing the same, taking my contact lenses out to drive at night which was a bit of a faff if I wasn't at home. I was fine on familiar journeys such as home from work but I also do a lot of longer distance cross country driving, in winter a lot of it is in the dark and that was hard going. Although my regular glasses are great for driving on the open road they aren't good for reversing and parking because of peripheral distortion, the new driving ones are much better because they are much weaker and I can pop them off to park if I want to. Also they have a little bit of varifocal at the bottom to allow me to still see my dashboard clearly. I have also started wearing them at the theatre and sports events for sharper distance vision. I am also mindful of not over-wearing contacts, I do tend to take them out and wear glasses at home in the evening and if I'm staying at home on a weekend morning I don't put the lenses in till I am about to go out. I keep my newest full strength glasses in the car for emergencies and wear an older pair which are weaker around the house as I can still read in them.

I’m similar to you in that I am chubby in the face. I don’t do make up & I don’t really do much about my hair which is usually shoulder length. I am also much more dressed down. I was very self conscious when I had to start wearing specs ( I cannot do contacts) so tried to go minimal.

What I found though was that glasses definitely improve my appearance.

I have had glasses like those in your picture and I’ve also had the totally rimless ones but I eventually found that a slightly fuller frame suited me best. I even surprised myself with a really bright frame (think prue leith) which look great on me.

the only comments I have had are of the “nice glasses” type but most people don’t Really notice

I agree with others. I honestly don’t notice anything about anyone else’s glasses, clothes or accessories unless they’re designed to really be noticed. I am your age and prefer glasses to contacts as they cover up the crows feet 😂

I like your glasses. I don't understand why you are concerned about the ageing aspect of it. People will be able to see you are a middle aged woman whether you are wearing glasses or not.

I've just started wearing varifocals. I like being able to see properly. Nothing makes me feel my age as much as realising how crap my natural eye sight is becoming. With glasses I forget I'm wearing them. Yesterday spent some time looking for them until I found them on my face!

The judgement about aging is all in your head. You have attached very negative connotations to the apparent unattractiveness of glasses. I disagree. Try looking up cool, attractive women wearing glasses. Tori Amis comes to mind. Ive definitely seen the sex and the city actors wearing glasses and looking great.

Although aging is not good, it's natural and comes to us all and is to be respected, not derided.

That said I agree with you that faffing about with reading glasses or that thing people do holding a book at arms length is aging. I think more than aging it's silly when you can get a pair of glasses that fix the problem.

Glasses themselves aren't aging. Both my dc have been wearing since pre school.

Just make it part of your look and own it.

I’m a similar age, but have worn glasses for years (since I was a teen off and on) as I never really took to contacts. I tend to pick quite distinctive/trendy colourful glasses so that I enjoy wearing them (again think Prue). I don’t think people really care about anyone wearing glasses as more people seem to need them now because of screens. Just find a pair you really like and that suit your face. I also don’t think glasses are aging at all - lots of the young people I work with wear glasses.

Literally no-one will care or even notice that you are wearing glasses. If it registers at all, it will be for a millisecond.

And my now thinning brows!

This happens to everyone at about 45 so everyone is in the same boat.

I guess I’ve worn a mixture of glasses and contacts for years and sometimes like that the glasses distract from my ugly face -I kind of “hide” behind them. There’s time for acceptance and you’re not alone.

I wear glasses day to day, and have a pair I think are cool and suit me. But I’m also vain: if I’m in the office, especially presenting, or on a night out, I’ll wear contacts even though I don’t have as good vision in them. I’ve never liked the look of glasses on me when I’m trying to look “better”.

Not sure which I’ve got as got contacts but am long sighted in one eye and needed glasses for reading and tv in mid 40s.

The contacts have saved my life finding and breaking glasses though I do have a spare pair.

Your glasses look nice OP. A lot of people wear them

I have vari focal contacts but rarely wear them, the sight isn't as sharp as glasses now especially when driving and forget it in the dark

I usually wear some eye make up with the glasses

I think people in their 50s have a hang up about glasses that stems from our youth. Then glasses weren't as fashionable and often got you teased, but it's a whole different world in your 50s. By that age most people are wearing specs in some form or another and in the world in general specs are more fashionable now. Any stigma is historic and in our minds.

When I gave up on contacts (for the same reasons as you OP) I felt exactly as you do. Worried I'd feel dowdy and old and tried wearing thin framed, pale metal glasses in a kind of 'not there' glasses way...apologetic for wearing them really.

One of the problems I'd had in the past was not being able to see my face in the mirror when trying on glasses, but phone cameras and ipads mean that now I can really see what I'm buying and choose them to suit me.

SO many types of glasses out there that suit my colouring and face and, as PPs have said, add colour to my face and shape to my non existent eyebrows. Also, the relief of varifocals after the faff of messing with contacts and the remembering of and on and offing of driving, sun and reading glasses. Now I'm me. I have two pairs of glasses and one of prescription sunglasses and I love them all.

When I'm out with specs-shy friends and family I am the only one who can read the menu. Why do they put up with it?

This could be a start of a new, confident you. Look at women who look fab in specs (Suzannah Constantine, Mary Portas, Sarah Beeny for example) and borrow some of their moxie. Rock your glasses with confidence. You're amongst a lot of happy, gorgeous speccy friends.

Your glasses look very stylish. I’ve been wearing glasses since primary school so I’d never considered they were aging! Ditto that people looking at me are apparently judging me to have a “health flaw” 😳

We all have our own complexes, but wearing glasses isn’t a big deal as an adult. Maybe I can say this having survived 10 years of school bullying for wearing them, but once you’ve grown up nobody cares.

If you aren’t feeling confident in how you are seen by others, perhaps consider if you could improve your posture. It makes a huge difference in how we are perceived.

I always wore contacts when young but once I had young dc and no time I wore glasses a lot more.

I still like contacts if I am going out but glasses are fine overall

I wear my contacts as I can't bear to drive with glasses on as I feel I'm not getting all round vision. I have reading glasses I wear on top. I much prefer this and don't care about it being seen as old. Have several mostly cat eye pairs.

As someone who is as close to being classed as blind without being so I have worn glasses since the age of 5. I therefore don't understand anyone who has as issue with wearing them. In fact, I find the attitude quite ableist and insulting. Would you not go out if suddenly you had to use a wheelchair? Hide away if you were having chemo and were losing your hair? My advice is get over yourself and wear them before you damage your health.