Affair paranoia

[Advicediddlyice]

Recently I’ve started being paranoid about my husband having an affair. I’m finding it hard to tell if this is on the basis of anything solid or if it’s unreasonable jealousy type behaviour.

Im not sure where to go with these feelings.

I had a search in here to see similar past threads but it didn’t help much. However after doing that I did ask my DH what time he got to the gym this eve….he said 5 and then I said “really I thought it was earlier than that” he said “oh yea actually I got there at half 4 because I did 2 classes, sorry”.

Now on its own it know that sounds like nothing, but together with a general unease I’m feeling I’m now more paranoid. I only asked about him getting there earlier as an off the cuff question…I had no reason to think he was there earlier.

You haven’t given us much to go on? Why do you think he’s having an affair? Coming home late? Talking about a girl at work? Spruced up his wardrobe? Smells of perfume? Lack of sex? New moves in the bedroom? Being distant? Working away more? What is it that you’re worried about?? Your conversation with him about the gym doesn’t point to an affair.

Sorry yes I did lack context. Mainly it’s about his use of the gym. It’s increased over the last 2 years, as a health thing. Over last 3-4 months he’s been going out with a group of people from the gym a few times (always as a group). However - I can’t put my finger on exactly what makes me uncomfortable about it. He just seem to have jumped right in as if they are all amazing friends. It’s seems a bit intense too fast. He has lots of stuff going on in terms of work and family too that is high stress- and I just feel like I can see him wanting an escape through an affair. Again I can’t really put my finger on it.

I think maybe over the next week or so I need to really observe and pay attention to his behaviour/consistency of his stories and see if there is anything solid there.

I think you need to wait and see at this point. I had suspicions based on much worse evidence for a good few months before I got something solid. It's horrible to have suspicions but at the moment it doesn't sound like much more than a general change of behaviour which could be for lots of reasons.

Sit back and observe but try not to overthink and I wouldn't confront him at the moment.

No I won’t ask. I was tempted to just be open and say “I’m feeling a bit off about the gym and paranoid”, but I won’t.

Anything I should be mindful of or pay attention to? I’m gonna note how guarded he is on his phone-eg if he closed it down if I arrive quickly etc.

When I say don't confront, I think if you could have a nice open calm conversation that could be good? Does he normally communicate well? He might be able to set your mind at rest.

Mine was definitely cagey with his phone.

Why did you think he got to the gym earlier than he said?

can’t you go to the gym too?

I didn’t actually think he did. I just had the paranoia I’m my mind and I thought I’d ask a bit of a random question to see his reaction.

Can’t go as I’d be home with the kids.

Also I don’t want to go to the gym