Wwyd - stay down south or move up north (home)

[Jkrowlingsarmy]

Hi everyone,

title says it all really. DH and I live down south with our toddler - we both like our jobs and rly happy with childminder. But we just have a constant niggling at back of our minds about moving back north - it’s where lots of our close family are inc cousins similar ages to our daughter. It is honestly a joy to see them all play together.

we would have a bigger house up there but I wouldn’t have many friends - all my nct are down here as are childminder mums. I also worry about my job - I’m a teacher and there’s just not a great deal of jobs around. DH can transfer to northern office so he’s ok.

Wwyd? I chop and change daily!

We made the move much further North than you're hoping to go and haven't looked back! I do miss friends from where we were, but we still keep in touch and visit each other when we can.

Coming at it from the angle of an 'older' mum.

I was in a similar position in London 10/15 years ago and was umming and ahing. I didn't. But now I would say definitely do it!

I have seen at least half of people who I was / am friends with in my area in London move either back to where they came from or to places like Bristol when their DC were anything from year 1 to year 6. It's such a transient time and it's unlikely that your landscape of friends will look the same for that long even if you stay.

I could have afforded a much bigger house if I had moved back to the midlands.

I only had my DM and a couple of friends that I was considering moving back for (plus a larger house / garden) . You have family and cousins. It sounds like you will make friends when DC start school anyway.

I don't know too much about teaching jobs but I hear what others are saying on that.

Don't just look at your life now, look at it in 10 -15 years time. Things are changing all the time.

Just don't move to somewhere too isolated as your teen(s) (I know that's so hard to imagine now but it comes round surprisingly quickly ) will not thank you as you get older. I didn't mine!

My mum spent years doing a 4 hour round trip to see her parents as they aged, she didn’t want that for me so moved 5 mins walk from me so I u didn’t have to do the same with her.
It’ll make life so much easier in the future

Home is where your heart is and it sounds like your heart is further north. If you get on with your family then it's lovely to be nearer them and you'll have a better house. You might have to wait a bit to secure the job but you will - maybe start with supply teaching and temp contracts - they'll lead to something permanent.

I'm rooted in the south-west and loved my time away but yearned to come home so I did - no regrets!

Go home, don't underestimate the value of having family around as your kids, you, and your parents get older. You'll make new friends. And you'll have a bigger house.

Hmm, I’m going to go against the grain and say I’d stay near my friends, for now at least. Friends are invaluable and I’ve got an amazing network of support from the friends I met at NCT over 20 years ago. I’m also very close to my family but they have so much going on with their own children and friends that I see them so much less - I haven’t been able to get a date to see my brother for 2 months and he only lives half an hour away! You sound like you have a good group of friends and if they’re NCT friends, then your DD will enjoy playing with them as much as with her cousins.

That coupled with the fact that you have a job you like in a good school is a no brainer for me. I’d stay down South for a while longer and if your friends start thinking about moving (which they may as a lot do) then re-evaluate and maybe move North then. And I say this as someone who loves Manchester!

Cheaper house prices for a reason. Not everywhere in the North is ‘beautiful’ and opportunities are in some cases far and few between.
The desirable places are almost as expensive because they are desirable and are in danger of losing their character whilst rapidly being gentrified.
WFH has caused a massive influx of people who want the ‘big house and rural lifestyle’ for half the price and then crow about it. Not a good look.

Are you in one of those areas of the south east where people are often very transient and move out as their DC get to primary school age, or are you more somewhere that people put down roots?

Do it sooner rather than later. It will be much easier before your toddler starts school. Plus it's easier to make friends with other parents at the school gate in the early years. Are you thinking of another baby? You could meet a new group of nct friends up north. You can do supply and see which schools you really like working in and be aware of upcoming vacancies via word of mouth.

@Jkrowlingsarmy are you talking religious studies at primary or secondary level? Are you able to teach another subject?

Yes I’d always say move to be near family/ friends (assuming you get on of course). I think having kids grow up near family is invaluable!

I made the move from London back up to the Manchester area and hated it there. I really missed the South East. After 20 years I gave up and moved away - and I'm from the north! Manchester is just wet and miserable most of the year, plus expensive and dirty.