Do you have activities at playdates?

[Merrow]

DS1 (5) is at that stage where he would ideally have a friend visit every day after school. I don't know how he is my child to be honest, I'm the opposite of a social butterfly! I've managed this so far by relegating the task to my far more socially competent DP, who has been on parental leave, or having children round whose parents I'm quite comfortable with. Now that everyone is back at work I'm going to have to step up.

My idea of a playdate is that a child comes round and they play with my DS. I provide food / drink / den making assistance as required. But basically I assume that children that like each other enough to want to see each other outside of school should be able to get on with it. This has mostly worked out ok, and when it hasn't I've intervened with an emergency deployment of bubbles / stomp rockets / other fun distraction. I was talking to Dsis about this though and she was surprised that I don't set up things for them to do. She still does this with her oldest, who's 9!

So, I have dutifully arranged a playdate for DS next Wednesday with a child (and parent) that I don't know. Do I need to have some sort of activity to hand? Is it a good idea to have something to whip out in an emergency? DS1 informs me that she likes to play house at school, and his role is being the cat. She also likes colouring.

Not at all, even if I did plan an activity they’d prefer to do their own thing

God no. Whole point is to let them entertain each other and you can hide away until they need feeding or someone draws blood

I don’t pre-plan activities for an afterschool play date, no. If they seem a bit lost I might make a suggestion like getting out Lego or our big Brio train set. We have arts and crafts stuff that my kids can help themselves to and if they ask for help with something specific I’ll sit down and help them - recently DS(7) and his friend wanted to make “ninja masks” so I found them some black felt and string and helped them. My job is providing snacks and basic safety supervision.

Nope, and no intention of ever do that!
The point of a play date is they play with each other (or to be honest, enjoy playing with toys are not their own) and leave you in peace to do your own things or chat away with the other visiting parent in front of tea/coffee.

Also, not every moment of their life needs to be organized. I prefer to let them play freely (providing food/water and occasional help if requested - which is rare to be honest, as they know that going near a parent during a play date is at high risk of hearing that is time to go/tidy up ha ha).

This is excellent news! I'd like to support DS1 and his bizarre extroversion, and I'm glad I can do that by not joining in.

The only time I would set something up is if I specifically invited for a paddling pool/waterfight playdate on a weekend with good friends. Otherwise for a run of the mill after school play date for a five year old I provided some basic snacks and would get out a particular toy or craft resource if it’s requested (our toys are in crates in a cupboard so not everything is reachable). But generally I expected them to get on with it.

My nine year old would have been absolutely mortified if I set anything up for their friends coming over. They have their own ideas and things to be doing.

I might have some games/paper and pens/whatever to hand but otherwise no.

DS could be awkward with his friends when they first arrived (as I used to be as well), so at five I did step in a bit, I have to say, but usually only to the extent of casually putting out a few toys and games indoors and out, as a kind of invitation to play and a reminder of what we had - otherwise I found they would just mill about, or gravitate to screens. Lego, for example, or craft stuff.

I did sometimes do a treasure hunt to break the ice. I also used to use the treasure hunt to flag up play opportunities - eg clue in the Lego, clue in the game cupboard, clue on the trampoline.

🤣🤣🤣
Totally agree. Doesn't necessarily help them to be hovering around telling them what to do all the time. So good for them to think for themselves!

No, I definitely do not set up activities. I do know some parents who do - my dd has one friend where she always comes home with something - jewellery they've made, etc. I don't think that's the norm. And I certainly don't do it. Kids have so much structured time in school/after school clubs. Free unstructured time for play is much more important - as long as they aren't destroying the house, etc.

Nooo, my DS (6) likes to show them toys he's been talking about at school, play football or swap football cards which they are no longer allowed to do at school.