Child not allowed to play with DD

[Lisamargot]

DD (6) is in Y1 in a girls private prep (15 in the class). We moved her half way through Reception from a local primary. She is absolute perfection at school in terms of behaviour , super kind to everyone and doing well academically. However she does have some quircks (flappy hands - doesn't do that anymore now, gets excited about silly things and has a few odd things about her basically). In Reception she hadn't quite made any friends in her class however she played with older girls at the time and then in Y1 she became friends with a girl in her class (let's call her Wendy).

Wendy is very fond of DD, tells her she loves her and hugs her a lot. DD loves her too and they play with each other every day. Wendy is super bright, very advanced with everything academically but also boisterous and gets in trouble with her teachers sometimes.

I started thinking about arranging a playdate sometime but I can see Wendy's mum avoids me. She does say hello but my gut has been telling me for a while she doesn't like us. We barely ever talk and it's quite clear she's not interested.

DD told me this morning that Wendy's mum told Wendy she doesn't like her playing with DD and that she should make other friends. DD doesn't understand why but says Wendy still wants to be her friend.

I'm devastated really because this isn't the first time a parent does that. (When she was at the state school there was another girl we used to meet a lot for playdates and then she stopped and didn't want to meet us anymore).

I do understand that DD may appear a bit odd with her little quirks (we are not aware of any SEN yet) but she's not harming anyone, she's very kind and sweet and lively and bright and my heart aches for her.

Can anyone relate?

Invite Wendy to a play date, maybe another one or two of the group too. It may give you a chance to chat with Wendy's mum and if you get to know each other a bit it may sort itself out.

Without casting too many aspersions on private school parents, I think it’s fair to say that a sizeable proportion consider one of the (many) advantages of private school is having their child rub shoulders with the right kind of children, from the right kind of families, fewer kids with SEN, fewer behavioural issues etc. I’m sure quite a few snobby parents (and staff) are not so secretly annoyed to discover children with SEN in their schools.

I'm sure you are right! It's something I'm learning now. Not everyone is like that though, there are a few very friendly/open parents but DD didn't seem to make friends with their girls.

Very upsetting OP.

Speak to the class teacher.
Definitely not to the Mum.

And good for Wendy!

I'm absolutely certain the mum will say no to a playdate and quite frankly I'm not going to initiate it.

The upsetting thing is that a lot of these girls have shown appalling behaviour at times, including Wendy who we know is not an angel and gets occasionally in trouble. But she's been incredibly kind to DD. I've been on 2 school trips as well and I was so surprised to see what I saw and the lack of discipline from the teachers.

Also DDs quirks are not even that visible unless you spend a whole day with her. They don't impact her learning and she doesn't need any help or intervention from the school, otherwise the school wouldn't have taken her on.

Wendy tells DD that's she's the kindest girl in the class. She's always eager to please and help, is very kind, gets involved in everything and has never been in conflict with anyone, unlike most of these girls.

What made you move from her old school?

The large class size and bad behaviour. DD used to come home very stressed. Ever since she moved she comes home so happy and calm.

When I was little we had neighbours who had a daughter the same age as me. These neighbours rowed with lots of people and didn't talk to half the road. They stopped speaking to my parents and told her she couldn't speak to me. We were in the same class at school and were good friends. On school journey we even shared a room with our best friends. Walking home from school together we would separate down the road and one would stay back. My parents knew all of this and were absolutely fine but she couldn't tell hers. It was utterly ridiculous. Unfortunately once we changed schools and went to different secondary schools it was more difficult to stay in touch secretly and we drifted apart. They moved when we were mid teenage and we lost touch which I think is sad.