My DP seems to have the worst luck in the world

[seriouslynotagainplease]

And it's starting to really affect me. I know that sounds incredibly selfish or a bit ignorant but I'm just finding it so draining. He always, always manages to make the worst decisions that really impact us or cost us a fortune. Honestly it's unbelievable I don't even want to list the type of things I'm
Talking about because it would be outting but he always manages to hit the unlucky streak with whatever it is he does one example would be turning down a fantastic opportunity after being head hunted for a massive organisation because he felt a sense of loyalty to his company only to be made redundant 7 weeks later. This is one example of about 20 I could give.

He's so incredibly kind hearted and generous and sometimes it winds me up that he always gets walkover.

I'm sorry to moan and sound like a cow but tonight has just brought in another chapter of bad luck and im just fed up.

I find bad luck is a cycle, maybe you can make more decisions together in the future? I would have pushed for my partner to go for the new job and it would have been a joint decision, could you get more involved?

How is he doing mental health wise? I know it can be hard if someone has alot of bad luck and feels depressed and you live in that environment.

Honestly I coaxed him to take it, really I did but ultimately it was his choice and I couldn't force him, but I was annoyed.

To make matters worse worse he has a much younger brother who literally seems to strike gold with EVERYTHING he does ( which irritates my dp as brother doesn't need to try, he just is amazing at everything he turns his hand too)

Yes he's not in a great place. He's fed up and sick of bad luck

Is it really bad luck op or bad decisions?
I do find people who tend to say that they have had bad luck tend to make bad decisions which then lead to unfavourable consequences which is then treated as bad luck .

Perhaps he needs to work on his decision making strategies and confidence. The two work hand in hand . Would he benefit from having a life coach ?

More than 25 years since I watched Titanic and I still regularly think of the line “A real man makes his own luck”. Obviously that isn’t always the case but in my experience “good luck” is what happens when preparation, good decisions and opportunity meet. I actually find this empowering as it suggests that “good luck” is something we can cultivate rather than something that is bestowed upon us by the cosmos.

If your DH is interested in “turning his luck” there are so many podcasts that drive this point home.

There’s a really good Derren Brown episode about luck where they found that people who believe they are lucky, have more good things happen to them because they are open to people and experiences, more observant of what opportunities are right in front of them, make better connections.

It’s hard to change core beliefs, but with work it is possible. Hypnosis, affirmations, gratitude diaries etc. can all help. But he’d have to want to put the effort in.

Here’s the episode. Worth a watch

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=RuRGzZAk7S4

Thanks everyone! I think it's stupid decisions more than luck. I'm just so fed up

This rings true for me. Things tend to work out well for me and I've always been quite a positive resilient person. My OH has bad luck with almost everything but has also always had a negative outlook. I think they go hand in hand. Maybe try to help him build his confidence and the 'luck' will follow.

Of course, we all are affected by luck at times. But someone who is consistently unlucky is far more likely to be making the wrong decisions, misreading signals, not understanding the big picture and so on. And are often quite passive - unwilling/unable to identify opportunities or do the work needed to make them happen.

Ironically, often people who are "unlucky" are also the most optimistic - they think that opportunity is going to be AMAZING... but they don't realise it still takes work and effort to turn it into something good.

My brother is mostly a perfectly normal person. But my dad and I find it weird how often he has problems in one specific area - just really bad luck. And it's an area that if what happened to him happened to me ONCE it would be a huge thing but it's happened to him 5 times. We are convinced that he's doing something wrong but we can't figure out what (partly because he's so busy telling us about how unlucky he is, we can't pin him down on the events that led up to it.... sigh)

Really?

I think you don't really know what 'bad luck' and hardship really are: accidents, illness, disability, death of a relative, trauma/assault...not losing a job or having a relative who is better off than you are.

A job is just a job. Redundancy happens to most people at some point in their career. Hardly the end of the world.

If he has been head hunted previously for a great role he obviously has the type of experience and skills that make him highly employable and he will easily find something else.

It is also never a good idea to compare yourself to others who are doing well. It is a recipe for never being happy with what you got.

Life is for most people a series of ups and downs and unless your husband is completely irresponsible and a total deadbeat, which does not sound like it, It is likely that things will improve for him.

This. It isn't bad luck, it is poor decisions. He could have had an amazing job but turned it down. Is it self confidence? Not trying new things?

Poor decision making OP, not bad luck.

I have one of these perpetually unlucky men.

I took a few steps back and realised that actually he made a lot of poor decisions that lead to bad situations.

I'm sorry you've had a hard time op. It sounds hard.

That said I am a lucky person. I'm perceived as lucky- particularly by my sibling. Who frankly squanders every opportunity handed to her and then bleats bad luck as the cause for all her woe. I am lucky- but that is not chance. It's hard work, conscious awareness of opportunity and the chances given to me and a long term outlook that means I delay immediate gratification in favour of slower but greater rewards for my efforts. If your husband is similar to my sister, whereby all of his choices are explained away as bad luck without any sense of personal responsibility or effort to change it, then I'm sorry op but that's not bad luck. It's poor judgment and lack of accountability. And perhaps his lucky sibling is exercising good judgement and self awareness?

I had a DH like this. Tried to be supportive but his bad decision making really started to get to me . Even had the same situation job wise as you. So not stupid if he was headhunted but just either naive or misguided. I also urged him to take what for me seemed a perfect job. Told I didn't understand the business. When it all went tits up just six months later it took me sll my time to hold my tongue . Thing is with mine it was always somebody else's fault . He is my Ex .

@Mumsanetta I'm the opposite - I hate that line because it effectively means someone who lives in poverty and has a difficult life - it's because of them and not making their own luck.

I have a DH like this. He is passive and doesn't proactively look for new opportunities until he is forced to. Even I can see when the writing is on the wall in certain projects yet he sits and waits for it to happen every single time.

Its the same in all areas of our lives from home improvements to holidays. He wouldn't do anything unless he is pushed into it and even then resists all change. There just isn't any get up and go in him.

It is having a hugely negative impact on our lives. Once or twice I could cope with but its too regular now and I'm tired of it.

But it's not bad luck it is poor decision making. He needs to see that and own it if he wants things to change. Do you think he is worth sticking with bearing in mind it doesn't sound like he'll change?