Where did my resilience go?

[Soreteatowel]

DH died nearly 3 years ago. I've done so well (even if I say so myself!). I've kept house and home together, supported struggling DC, made new friends (as the old ones disappeared, as is apparently often the case), thrown myself into some interests, got a new job, but to achieve all that I've spent a lot of time smiling and waving, coping outwardly when I really just wanted to go to bed for a long time.

Today I've had a set back, a small thing has gone wrong, if I said what it was to anyone, they'd think what a fuss over nothing, but I have just crumbled and not been able to apply myself to anything all day.

A friend has been in touch and made suitably sypathetic noises, but clearly doesn't realise the full impact on me (because why would he?) which has left me strangely disappointed and lonely.

I have to pick myself up from this and carry on...

OP you sound very resilient to me!

You can't pour from an empty cup - don't be so hard on yourself. It's often the little things that tip the scales. I hope you find something this week that brings you some joy.

This. Give yourself grace OP. I'm so sorry for what you've been through. It seems as though you've been too strong for too long. Maybe you just need some time for you. A bit of self care maybe?

You may think it's only a small thing that's gone wrong, but it's obviously j been the last straw in a long line of straws .......... it's often the 'small', 'insignificant ' things that bring us down!

I think lots of us here have been there and think " why can't I pick myself up from this?? I've been through worse" But we all have a breaking point!!

You're welcome to share if you'd like?
But, in the absence of friends understanding, feel free to feel as sorry for yourself as you'd like! And just wallow for a while if you want!
You've held it together for so long, you're entitled to a rest x

It's because your running a never ending marathon, as well as climbing an invisible mountain. The enormity of having to deal with absolutely everything on your own, day in and day out. You can't ever clock off, it is absolutely relentless.
I know of a male widower who is also raising children alone and l must say he seems to get a lot more support and sympathy, he is hailed as some kind of hero where as if you a mere female your just expected to get on with it.
Go easy on yourself, don't try and keep up with a two parent family, that's the mistake l made. Like you most of the time l do a good job of holding it all together, but l have times when l am absolutely exhausted and it all feels totally overwhelming. The pressure is enormous, l can't afford to get sick or lose my shit, l have no safety net. It literally is sink or swim.

Sorry, I've misled, children are young adults, but have needed a lot of support

@Soreteatowel

why is your towel sore?

or is it So RE tea towel,,,???

I need the story!

(((HUG))) you've done SO SO well 🤗

it's always the little things that break the camels back!! The final straw!...

what would help you recharge your battery?

oh love, when I read how much you have been doing since your DH passed away, I just thought, well of course you are going to struggle sometimes. What an awful lot you have been dealing with on top of coping with your own grief.

there are some great instagram accounts about widow grief - one I like is called Newmoonmira. She lost her partner and shares a lot of helpful information and support.

I hear you - am in the same position
The outside me is v different from the inside me
I find that little things really can affect me - I have zero patience with silky things anymore

*silly not silky ! Actually that made me laugh